♪ It's a ho-ho-ho and a hee-hee-hee ♪
♪ Listen to us whistle adorably ♪
(cheerful whistling music)
(lips smack)
(lips smack) (elves gasp)
(elves moan) (lips smack)
- Elfo, Kissy, no tummy touching!
Kissy, save your lips
for the prepackaged candy assortments!
(Kissy grunts)
- Elfo, it's like you don't appreciate
your assembly line job!
- Yeah, uh, it's kinda not the one I wanted.
I'm kinda, not always happy.
(elves gasp)
- But we're singing!
- Yeah, singing while you work's not happiness,
it's mental illness.
- Waa?
- Ugh, I'm just,
I'm sick of being happy all the time!
Just once, I wish,
I wish I could go somewhere where,
where people are miserable.
- Take one step further, you're on your own.
No Elf has ever returned!
Not even Returno!
- Elfo, you'll die out there.
- I'd rather die a big death than live a small life.
(footsteps click)
(mysterious music)
Uh, hi, I'm Elfo. (laughs)
What are all your names?
- What the hell is that?
- An Elf, a magical Elf!
- Elves haven't been seen in centuries!
- Imagine the possibilities.
With Elf magic, I could progress far beyond card tricks.
(cards rustle) Ooh!
- A shiny gold Zog to whoever seizes the Elf!
(crowd gasping) (crowd yelling)
(doors bang) - Aah!
- Your majesty, it is with much heroism
that I now return Princess Bean,
along with this priceless sack of Elf.
- Ah, uh, this cold floor feels good on my concussion.
Hi! I'm Elfo.
- Cram him in a cage!
(cage bangs) - It appears
there may be truth to the old legends regarding the elves.
It seems certain secrets were set down in
the ancient writings of Mephismo.
The essence is that there is enormously potent magic
in Elf's blood.
(dramatic violin music)
- Could this Elf's blood be the key to my wildest dream?
Might we finally create the Elixir of Life?
- I don't want to raise your hopes,
but yes, definitely.
- Ow. (blood splats)
(microscope clicks)
(door clicks) - (gasps) Are you okay?
- If I say no, will I seem less manly?
- Oh Elfo, that's not possible.
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Like a bard?
- First of all sweetie, shut up.
I'm not gonna hurt this little guy,
I'm gonna leech the magic out of him!
Don't you want a magic daddy?
(gears squeak)
(pig squeals)
(blood sloshes)
- Did you know that pigs are 80% blood?
- Really?
- Not anymore.
(calm music)
- I must admit, the quantity of blood
exceeded my expectations.
- So, Elfo is free to go?
- Hmm, for now.
(patrons laughing)
- What a naughty night we had!
- I drank so much,
I can't even remember if I drank anything.
I might not have!
- You know it's a great night when we're still up
to see the plague patrol.
- Morning Princess!
(upbeat music) - Oof!
- At last, the Elf.
I've been stalking you, but you have come to me!
- Oh, you're a stranger.
I've heard about you.
Now where's my candy?
(Elfo screams) Aa-choo!
- Bless you!
- Help, help!
- Elfo, where are you?
- [Elfo] In here, hurry, it's really itchy.
- [Luci] Looks like a bunch of dead mice, and
bee-wup!
- Wow.
(gem chimes)
- Ha, nothing to see here!
(tense music)
(Elfo grunts)
(drop pings) (gem hums)
- Whoa, am I turning into a god?
I can feel the power rising up through my body,
bursting out! (gem hisses)
(king belches loudly)
- Aah, I'm not a god!
I'm not even a healthy man.
Now here's the deal, Touchy.
This spell is only supposed to need two ingredients.
This vial, and this Elf's blood.
But it's not working.
- Hmm, the vial's real.
It's this specimen over here
that requires further examination.
- [King Zøg] What?
- Huh, fascinating.
I've never felt anything like this before.
This isn't an Elf.
But it's not, not an Elf.
He is, however, soft and velvety.
- Thank you, wait, what?
- What do you mean it's not an Elf?
- Your Elf's blood won't work,
because this is not an Elf.
(cheery whistling music)
(elves gasping)
(package thumps)
(footsteps click)
- Here once again, Elfo.
You've made a mockery of the Jolly Code.
Who is that puny little runt?
- Oh that's Luci, he's a demon.
(elves gasping)
- And who is that?
- Oh that's Bean, she's a human.
(elves gasping)
- Ugh, humans bring nothing but treachery and pain.
- Oh c'mon, Dad, what am I?
- Well, I was waiting to tell you until after I was dead,
so I wouldn't have to tell ya!
It's hard to say, so,
I'll let this needlepoint do the talking for me.
Your mom made it.
Truth is, you're only half-Elf, you also have--
(Elfo grunts) (crowd screaming)
(paper splashes)
(footsteps click)
- How dare you threaten these innocent folk?
I mean, look at this guy.
Show him what's under your hat, buddy.
It's not just a kitten, it's a sleeping kitten.
These guys are totally defenseless.
- Not totally. (dramatic music)
(stone bangs) - Ugh!
(armor squeaks) (body thuds)
(dramatic music)
(arrow whooshes)
(girl grunts) (bubbles ping)
(arrows whoosh) (arrows thud)
- [All] Oh, yeah!
- We are a team.
- I always thought so.
- Really?
(arrow thuds) (Elfo moans)
- No, Elfo!
(arrow clicks)
Elfo speak to me, Elfo!
- Who did that?
- Now just keep holding on, okay, just keep holding on.
- Ugh, it's okay.
It's okay Bean.
I always wanted to go out while I'm still young and hot.
(footsteps click)
- Sorry, it's just,
you have snot, like,
all over your face.
- Ah thanks, yeah.
(girl gasps)
This is Elf's blood.
Real Elf's blood!
- You don't think it'd actually work, do you?
- No, probably not.
But I guess it doesn't hurt to try.
(blood pings) (gem hums)
(ethereal music)
- There's only one drop of blood.
I don't know who to choose!
- I don't want to get your hopes up.
It'll probably fizzle out like before.
So just close your eyes and don't think too much.
(lips smack)
- Whatever happens, happens.
(hopeful orchestral music)
- Rest in peace, buddy.
Sorry they had to bury you in this aquarium.
(somber music)
- Oof! (body thuds)
- [Crowd] Queen fight, Queen fight, Queen fight!
- Your Highness, do something!
- Ladies, ladies, come on!
I'm much more embarrassed than I am aroused.
- Oof! - Oof!
(dramatic music)
(glass clatters)
(crowd gasping)
(crowd sighs)
(body splashes)
(water sloshes) (waves hiss)