(Casualty music)
(audience applauds)
- And I've got me own uniform.
(audience laugh)
It's wiped clean.
(audience laugh)
Inside and out.
(audience laugh)
Plums.
(audience laughing)
(audience applaud)
- Nurse, patient's complaining of pain in the lower legs.
- Oh, I'm going in for CPR.
(audience laugh)
♪ Nellie the elephant packed a trunk ♪
♪ And said goodbye to the circus ♪
Join in if you know it.
♪ Off she went with a trumpety trump ♪
♪ Trump, trump, trump ♪
(heart monitor flatlines)
- Ooh!
(audience laugh)
- We're losing him.
- Right give me the dif, the dif, the jump-starty thing.
(audience laughs)
(defibrillator whirs)
Clear!
(defibrillator shocks)
(heart machine beeps)
(audience laugh)
No.
Work with us, flower.
Have you not seen the telly, ever?
When I do the doof, you do the jump at the same time.
Is that alright?
We'll get you in order.
It'll be champion, love.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Right, okay.
Clear!
(defibrillator whirs)
Clear!
(defibrillator shocks)
(heart monitor beeps)
(audience laugh)
(audience applaud)
(defibrillator whirs)
(defibrillator shocks)
(audience member shrieks)
(audience laugh)
- Excuse me, love.
Where do you think you're going with that, now?
- This is bloody brilliant, I'm taking it home.
(audience laugh)
- Thanks so much for coming on the show.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Tony, Azuka, Charlie and Suzanne,
from "Casualty"!
(audience applaud)
- Ooh!
(Sarah laughs)
I'm Sarah!
(indistinct chatter)
- That's hilarious.
- Now I walked, I'm not very good at heels, as you can tell.
- Yep.
- You can't walk like that in a nightclub.
So, how, can you do a demonstration of like, a sexy walk?
- Right, so, you just have to strut with confidence.
So it's head high, and just try not to fall over.
- Try not to fall.
- So you're just going, strut.
(club music)
- Wow, that is really good.
(audience applaud)
(Charlotte cheers)
- Gonna give it a go.
Are you ready?
- Go on, then.
- Head high,
and just strut.
(audience applauds)
- I can't take this seriously.
- I haven't been to a nightclub since the olden days.
- [Girls Together] Right.
- So how am I supposed to behave?
Like, what should I do, when I'm in the nightclub?
- Right okay.
- Just like a dance.
- Should we do a demonstration?
You dance, and I'll talk you through it, right?
- Do you wanna know the main dance, if you wanna pull a lad?
- Yes.
- Right.
- Are you "on the pull" tonight, Sarah?
- Okay.
(audience laughs)
- Right? Here we go.
Right? See, you're in a club.
- Come along with us, and just move along with us.
So, just copy off Charlotte. So you're dancing.
And you walking over.
And you spot a guy that you like, and you're like,
"Well, whoa! How am I gonna get him?"
So you're like, "Right, I'm just gonna do the move."
And then,
you slut drop.
(audience applause)
- Oh, my God!
If I go down, I'm never comin' back up.
(indistinct)
- You in the club, and you dancing,
and you spot a guy that you like, over there,
and you're like, "Well, whoa..."
- He's over there.
- Have I had a drink?
Have I had a drink?
- Yeah, so you're a little bit...
- We're a bit tipsy, and you're walking around.
And then, you turn your back to him.
And then,
slide down!
(audience cheers)
(hysterical laughter)
- Oh, you are strong.
- You're supposed to get back up.
- I mean, I think I need practise.
But, I think that was a pretty first go.
Don't you think?
(audience reacts)
- Oh, sh!t.
(audience applauds)
- Hiya, dad. I didn't...
I didn't know you were comin' back.
Have you been watching the whole time?
- Yep.
(audience laughs)
- What do you think?
- Aye you're not home like that, tonight.
(audience applauds)
(club music)
- So, I dunno what I'm saying...
You know, this isn't me at all.
This is quite clearly, not me at all.
This is not my experience.
I think, I'm gonna show you what it should be like.
- Right.
- This is, this kind of music's not my sort of thing.
Let's play some music.
(records scratches)
(Wired for sound, by Cliff Richard plays)
- Cliff Richard works for some.
Can we dance to this?
- Yeah.
- I've got presents for you, as well.
Let's bring the presents on.
- Oh, right. Okay.
(audience applauds)
- Does this come in short sleeve or v-neck?
- Lovely, men. Cardies for the girls.
Let's have a big round of applause for
Holly, Charlotte, Gaz and James,.
from Geordie Shore.
(audience applause)
(Game of Thrones music)
- Our enemies gather strength, Samwell.
We are but three.
They, are but many
- 'Tis true.
Who will aid us now, in our hour of darkness?
(audience applause)
- It is the beautiful,
if not stockier than I remember, Mother of Dragons.
(audience laughs)
(Sarah sighs)
- Carry on, pet.
You'll not make it past series four.
(audience laughs)
- I am Sir Loras, Knight of the Flowers.
- Oh! Hello, Flower.
- And I am Samwell Tarly, of the Night's Watch.
- Well, hang on, pet. 'Cos I'm only up to book two.
But I know who you are.
You're Hagrid.
- Hodor.
(audience laughs)
- Anyway, I am Sarah,
of the house of...
Canesten.
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
Bearer of the burning and the itching.
(audience laughs)
Come to your aide, with my mighty fire breathing dragon.
(dragon roar)
Oh!
(audience laughs)
- Dragon.
Breathe your fiery breath.
Oh, sh!t.
He's gone out again.
(audience laughs)
(lighter click, but does not flame)
- All right, we spent all the money on the wig, all right.
(audience laughs)
- We are doomed,
but we will not depart this realm, without a fight.
To arms!
- We've all got two arms, pet. But what's...
(audience laughs)
What's your point?
- This, is my point.
- Ooh!
- My sword, Forhammer.
- Ooh!
- And this,
my sword,
SteelTongue.
- Ooh!
Well, while we're all doing it.
These, are my trusty blades.
Kitchen devils!
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
We three, shall prevail over our foes,
with the steel in our hearts.
We shall triumph and ascend, to the iron throne.
This is so exiting. Isn't it!?
(audience laughs)
Oh, sh!t.
Sh!t.
I forgot I was holding them.
(audience laughs)
- Hodor never liked them anyway.
- Oh, don't start talking, flower.
(audience laughs)
I liked you better the way you were.
So, are you all in proportion?
(audience applauds)
- [Sarah] Hi, I'm Sarah Millican,
and thanks very much for watching my video.
I'm on tour at the moment, with a show called Bobby Dazzler.
To find out where I'm going and when,
go to sarahmillican.co.uk.
Thanks. Bye.