- Hey, everybody, happy Thursday.
Now, today, we're gonna talk about being a parent
with a mental illness
and how we can be the best that we can be
but before we jump into that, are you new to my channel?
Welcome, I put out videos on Mondays and on Thursdays
so make sure you're subscribed
and have those notifications turned on so you don't miss out
but let's jump into this question.
Now, the question or questions 'cause I kinda compiled these
because I got a lot about this
after I released a video a few weeks ago
talking about how to better manage
being in a household with a mentally ill parent
and the questions are
"I appreciate your videos, Kati,
"but do you think you could reverse the roles
"and talk about being a parent with a mental illness.
"Kati, could you please do a video
"on how to be a good parent with a severe mental illness?
"Many times the effects of having a parent with an illness
"is talked about but there is limited education for parents
"on how to do the best to ensure their child is still able
"to have a secure attachment and healthy relationships."
Of course, I'm more than happy to talk about it
and first, I just want you all to know
that if you have a mental illness, you can have children.
Many people asked about that in the comments
and of course you can.
You can do whatever you want but just like any relationship
or choice that we make in our life,
we're gonna need to be thoughtful about it
and make sure that we're able to care for a child
and a mental illness shouldn't stop us from having a family
or doing anything that we want
but it does come with the added task
of managing our mental health too
which let's be honest we should be doing anyways.
Now, let's get into this question
and talk about how we can be amazing parents
even if we have a mental illness.
First, it's important to actively engage in treatment
meaning take it seriously and keep your appointments
and have them regularly, work your tools or techniques
and make sure you take your medication
if that's something that is part of your treatment plan
and the second, work as a family.
If you have the option, work together
so that if you're having an off day,
another member of the family can help out
and kind of pick up the slack and vice versa.
Supporting each other
can not only make home life more stable for our children
but also more supportive for us
as we work to manage our own mental health.
Three, have outside support
whether that's an actual support group,
friends, family, your therapist, whomever.
Make sure that you have a safe space to go
and to vent about all that may be going on.
We all need that space because trust me,
being a regular person is hard enough.
Add in being a parent.
That's like dividing our time,
we feel pulled all over the place and on top of that,
if we're struggling with a mental illness,
we're gonna need somewhere to go and talk about it.
And the fourth, learn to prioritize.
Every day is gonna be different
but if we always know that our child and our mental health
are our top priorities,
it can make other issues more manageable
or possibly ignorable
'cause they're not that important, right?
Reminding ourselves of what's important to us
can help us better navigate through everyday setbacks.
And five, enroll your child in activities.
I know it can be hard getting them to and from everything
but this gives them healthy outlets.
It gives them a chance to make friends and to be active.
That also gives us a break
while they're at soccer or that art class
or learning to play guitar or whatever it may be.
That might be the time that we schedule those support groups
or another therapy appointment.
We just have to make time for ourselves as well as them
and getting them in a lot of activities
gets both our needs met.
And the next is tend to your basic needs.
You've heard me talk about HALT,
hungry, angry, lonely, tired, right?
It's part of the DBT workbook
and what I work on with my patients.
It means if we're hungry, angry, lonely, tired,
we are not at our best and we can make really poor decisions
and we could be emotionally volatile and all that stuff.
So make sure that if you're feeling sick
or if you're extra tired that you take care of yourself.
Otherwise, how can we care for someone else?
Just making sure that we're eating well,
sleeping well and feeling okay physically
can minimize any mental health issues that could pop up
and obviously, it just gives us more of those poker chips
or more oomph to fight back
when maybe our mental health goes awry.
And the next tip is to create a safety plan.
What should each member of the family do
if you go into a manic episode?
What if there's a suicide attempt?
Put together a plan during a healthy and happy time
with your therapist or psychiatrist
and talk about it with your child and partner.
Note what each person is supposed to do,
who they should call and leave it posted in a place
that's easy to access if they forget.
I often find that children and our partners in our life
struggle during emergencies or crisis situations
because we've never talked about it.
So take the time when you're not in crisis
to put together a plan so that everyone knows what to do
and it doesn't seem so overwhelming and scary
and my next tip is don't be afraid to communicate
about your mental illness with your child.
Things are scarier when we don't understand them
so make sure you let your child know
what you're struggling with.
Give it a name.
Talk about your symptoms.
Talk about how it feels for you
and what you're doing to get better
and assure them that it's not their fault at all.
We know that when children aren't given proper explanations,
they make up things to fill in the blanks
to try to make sense of it
so give them all the information that they need
so that they don't have to make it up
and this is also a great way to let them know early on
that mental health isn't something
to be scared to talk about.
This video has been brought to you
by the Kinions on Patreon.
If you would like to support the creation
of these mental health videos,
click the link in the description and check it out.
I hope you found that helpful.
Are there other things that you wish I would have mentioned,
tips or tricks that have helped you?
Let us know in those comments down below
and we'll keep working together towards a healthy mind
and a healthy body and I will see you next time.
Bye.