I spent 5 hours wrapping this gift.
I hope my friend appreciates it.
Hey!
Aw, thanks for the gift.
Wow, a book!
Did you notice the wrapping paper?
I wrapped it in your favourite colours and put a little branch from your favourite plant in it!
Oh,
Thank you. This is a great gift.
But,
did you see the plant?
No.
The plant has been left on the floor to die.
... Just like my love.
Happy Christmas, Mum!
Here's your present. Oh no don't look at the side; I didn't have enough wrapping paper.
Oh!
Thank you!
It's a coffee machine.
Yeah it's ah, top of the range as well.
Well... well thank you, but...
I don't drink coffee.
Yeah, but we do, and
you're our mum and
you love to see your kids happy so I figured that the best thing that we could get for you was...
our happiness.
Oh.
You also wanted this top of the range hair dryer.
Okay, so I was sick of you complaining to me about how lonely you are,
so I bought you this subscription to this app called "Boo".
Boo?
Yep! It's a "MBTI-based social app for meeting like-minded souls".
Ah, interesting.
Now it's one of the most popular MBTI social apps with over 100 000 downloads
AND it's ranked in the top 100 social category on Google Play
in countries such as the U.S.,
Canada, the U.K., Australia and Ireland!
So you see, people love it!
How does it work?
Well, you make a profile,
and then you can post in online communities, have interesting conversations,
meet people who have similar interests and values to you...
Oh,
that's actually pretty cool.
I've heard that you can also join what they call "alternate dimensions"
and practise your language skills with native speakers!
And this is all while discerning your compatibility with other types!
Maybe you can find some love before the holidays, eh?
Ooo!
You'll probably find that you're NOT compatible with ENTJs.
...just a hunch that I have.
Ah.
Hey, listen.
I've done you a solid here, okay?
You've gotta be proactive about making friends now.
No more complaining about being lonely, okay?
God helps those who help themselves.
Okay!
Good stuff.
So I remember that last year, when I got you a present for Christmas,
it triggered your attachment anxiety,
so I thought that this year, instead of a present,
I'd get you an appointment
for a therapist!
Oh.
And here's your gift.
Oh!
A... book on... boundaries!
Thanks!
Read it.
So I forgot to get you a present,
but I picked up this beef jerky from the service station on the way over here!
Get a load of this.
I'm a vegetarian.
Oh you won't be after this bad boy.
So I was going to buy you art supplies, knowing you like arts and craft,
but I figured, I don't even know what you like.
Why waste my money and your space getting you something that you might not even like?
In fact,
I don't know why anyone buys gifts knowing that that's always a risk.
So instead,
you can either tell me exactly what you want,
and I'll buy it for you,
or
I can give you two hours of my time watching...
a chick flick of your choice.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
OKAY so I've got your breakfast on; it's your favourite meal!
I've also got 5 CDs to choose from
and a STOCKING on your DOOR!
It's the mooooost wonderful tiiiiiiime of the-
I spent 7 hours constructing this poem based on the fondest memories of our friendship.
Awww.
That's great!
Thank you!
You're welcome.
Yeah, it's fine if you don't want to read it now.
I used a really powerful metaphor in stanza 5...
that I think you'll really like...
I think I really mastered pathetic fallacy as well.
I'm sure you did.
Don't mind stanzas 1 and 2;
I got a little bit carried away with my childhood trauma.
Why don't I just read it TO you?
Oi, what'd you get Mum for Christmas?
Oh, we got her the Golden Girls boxset.
Can you just chuck my name on the card too?
Sure.
Cheers.
Are you gonna pay this time?
So, for your gift,
I remember you saying once that your love language was words of affirmation,
and then I recall you were wearing a Parcels t-shirt once,
so I actually messaged the band and I got them to leave a Christmas message for you!
Oh... oh my gosh, that's so thoughtful!
AND I noticed that you were out of toilet paper,
so I got some of that for you too!
What?
How did you know I was out of toilet paper? You've never even been to my house.
Oh...
Well,
everyone needs toilet paper.
Oh!
Fair.
Phew.
That was a close one.
So I bought you a lawn mower because I noticed that your lawn was quite overgrown.
Would you like me to mow it for you?
I might have to miss the Christmas party is the only thing.
Oh well!
What a shame.
See you in three hours!
So this is just the first part of the gift, but the second part is coming.
I ordered it late but I promise: it's coming.
Narrator: It was not coming.
I... couldn't decide what to get you, so
I got you a gift card.
Oh, thanks!
Um,
this is a library membership card in your name.
What?
Did I... mix up the cards?
Oh man.
Here you are!
Woooow!
A scrap........ boo?
Ooooh no! The 'K' must have fallen off!
But I don't want to scrap Boo.
It's a really good app!
Merry Christmas, everybody.
I couldn't decide what to get you, so I got you a gift card.
It's too robotic!
I'm sorry!
"I couldn't decide what to get you."
This is the first part of the gift but the second part is coming!
I promise, it's coming!
You can't look at me!
... saying once that your love language was wordsh of aff-
"wordsh".
... saying once that your physical...
"language of love."
I remember you saying once that your...
why?!
I keep forgetting the word "love language"!
No no no, be careful how you handle it!
Is this as fragile as your emotions?
Oooooo!
I'm like kind of a big deal with literature...
so...
- "Night Crusader" - He's not, he's not.
He's not a big deal with literature.
I'm just flat out not an INFP anymore.
What's my line?
Are you gonna pay this time?
Great.
You wanna do it again?
Okay.
And one more time with more annunciation.
So I remembered that last year when I got you-
So I Remember That Last Year,
So I... Rrrrrememberrr!
Last Yearrrrrr!
A book on... boundaries...
Thanks.
I might just...
read the blurb cause it's more interesting than what you're talking about right now.
Maybe if you'd got me wine instead of a poem I'd be able to deal with it.
Um, well I figured you didn't need wine cause there's enough
WHINING HAPPENING ON THIS COUCH!