Why Do Marriages Break?
When We Married We Were So Happy, We Were Delighted, We Were
Excited, We Made Promises, We Said We'Re Going To Sacrifice.
We Were Told That Marriage Is Not Easy, It'S Not A Joke,
But I Tell You It Breaks For Many Reasons; Number One:
When You'Re Not Prepared To Sacrifice For Your Spouse.
Number One: When You'Re Not Prepared To Stand Up For Your Spouse: Number One:
When You Do Not Protect Your Spouse, Notice I Said Three
Things; All Of Them Are Number One. You Notice? The Reason Is
I Can'T Tell You Number Two And Three; These Are All
Important Matters. So, My Beloved Brothers And Sisters:
When You Don'T Stand Up To Protect Your Spouse From The
Evil Of Your Own Mother, Your Marriage Is Not Going To Work.
You Might Say My Mother Has Rights. How Can You Say That She'S
Evil? She'S Not Evil. Shaitaan, Satan Is Evil. Satan Comes And Makes Her Say Things
And I Can Explain To You, Why? You Were Not Married Your
Mother, Your Sister, Perhaps, Someone Else In Your Family Had You
All To Themselves, So You Spent Money On Them, You Spent Time With Them,
And You Took Them On Holiday. You Went Around With Them, Now
You Need To Start Your Life, You Need Someone Who'S Going To
Be Called A Mother To Other Children Who Will Belong To You. They Also Have Rights.
So When You Get Married, It Is Natural Natural Human Nature, Satan Comes Actually Fuel That
And Make It Worse, Makes It Worse, What Happens?
Now You Cannot Spend As Much Money On Your Sister
Or Your Mother As You Did Before Because Now You Need To Save. So Before, I Had A Paycheck
And I Used To Give It To My Folks. Now, I Have A Paycheck
My Wife Has To Share, I Have A Living, I Have A House, I Have A
Car. So, Naturally Sometimes, People Will Feel ... I'Ve Lost
Out Up To That Point, It'S Still Natural Beyond That Satan
Comes In And Tampers
And Says Listen I Hate My Sister In Law Meaning Your Wife,
So, Your Sister Is Saying I Hate My Sister In Law Not Because
She'S A Bad Person, Not Because Of Anything, She'S Taken My
Brother Away From Me. I Hate My Daughter-In-Law Because She'S
Taken My Son Away From Me. My Beloved Mother, My Beloved Sister,
Trust Me My Wife Has Not Taken You Or Me Away From Each Other ,At All.
I Have Responsibilities, You Had The Privilege
And The Honor Of Having A Little Bit More Of Me
When I Was Single. Now I'M No Longer Single. I Have
A Priority. People Say Obey Your Parents, I Say Not
When You Are Married And They Are Wrong. Remember
This, Don'T Think It'S Noble To Obey Your Parents
When They Are Glaring You In The Face With Something
Haram, Something Wrong. They Are Usurping The Rights Of Your
Wife, They Cannot Be Obeyed. There Is Now Someone Who Is
A Mother To Your Children, Who You Need To Consider. Yes,
We Will Side With What Is Right And Who Is Right Whether It'S Your Mother
Or Your Wife. Remember, This So I'M Not Saying That Your
Parents Should Be Disregarded. "No", Respect Them At All Times.
You Know, If You Go Back To The Quran And
And To The Sunnah Of Prophet Muhammed (Saw) He Never Says That You Blindly Adopt
And Accept Everything Your Parents Say, Not Once
Did He Say That, Not Even Once. In Fact, The Quran Says
In Another Place (In Arabic) Allah Has Asked You To Be Good
And Kind To Your Parents. He Did Not Say Obedient.. Remember,
Why? Because Obedience Belongs To Allah. That'S What It Is.
If Your Parents Are Right, I Will Adopt I What They Are Saying
Because They Are Right. If They Are Wrong, I Will Kindly Tell
Them, Respectfully Tell Them That You Are Wrong, Allah Akbar.
So I Owed Them Kindness.
When You Look At The Hadith Of Your Mother; Who Next? Your
Mother. Who Next? Your Mother. Songs Have Been Made About It,
You Know That Right?
That Never Speaks Of Obedience, Do You Know This? We Need
To Clarify This. Because Many Many Mothers Are Suffering From
The Wrath Or The Pain That Is Inflicted Upon Them By Their Mothers In Law
And Vice Versa, Vice Versa... I'M Going To Get The Adjust Now.
What Does This Mean? I'M His Mother, He Should Listen To Me
First. No, I Am Now A Man When I Was Not Married, Yes, Indeed
When I Married I Just Need To Remember My Mother Is Also A Human Being.
She Can Make Mistakes, I Love Her. I Will Kiss Her. I Will Honor Her.
It Does Not Mean I Need To Give All My Cash To Her. She
Will Not Decide What To Cook Every Day As Though My Wife Is
Just A Worker Who'S Come Here To Work. This Is Happening In
A Lot Of Homes Where The Woman Comes In, Yes, We Are Living
Together. My Beloved Mother In Law, We Love You
And I'M Talking Here About My Own Mother Too, Beautiful Woman, Alhamdulillah,
And I'M Saying It In A Beautiful Way. We All Love To Live Together.
But You Don'T Make The Decisions In This Home,
No Not At All. If You'Re Not A Man My Beloved
Brother Who Is Now A Husband, If You'Re Not Man Enough
To Side With Your Spouse When Your Mother Is Wrong Or
When She'S Overstepping Her Rights, Trust Me, There
Will Be Frustration Caused By You In The Marriage
And The Marriage Will Break Because Today'S Girls Are Not Like A Long Time Ago,
When A Car Is Damaged They Can Send It For Panel Beating, No Longer Now.
When The Car Is Damaged I Want A New One, I Want Out. That'S
What It Is. Today, For The Smallest Reason They Want Out. You
Have The First Problem, I Want Out. That'S Another Point
That Breaks Marriages, Where We Have A Sickness Instead Of
Helping Each Other When We'Re Gone Wrong, The Husband
Doesn'T Want To Hear Look This Is How My Home Is, Take It
Or Leave It. Well, I'M Leaving It. Then The Marriage Breaks
And What Happens? We End In Divorce For Nothing. It Could
Have Been The Best Marriage. We Can Still Work It. We Can
But We'Re Being Stubborn, You, My Beloved Brother,
Stubborn, You, My Dear Sister, You Are Stubborn
And You Know What? You'Re Allowing People To Have A Say
who Are Not Supposed To Having A Say. The Worst Is
When You Go To An Alim Or A Counselor And He Tells You
Just Make Sabr, That'S It. My Brother, My Beloved Moulona,
Shaykh, Whatever You Call Yourself, Stop Saying To The People, Make Sabr
When You See That Someone Is Oppressing Another,
It Is An Ibadah (worship) To Stop Oppression, My Brothers
And Sisters, I Will Tell You, Look You Know, Your Mother Is Wrong.
Your Father Has Caused The Damage Here, I Will Tell You That, You Can Hate Me For It.
But It'S A Fact. If That Is The Case, The Same Applies
Sometimes, A Daughter In Law Will Come Into The Home
And Already She'S Been Trained By Her Friends Who Might
Have Gone Through Other Experiences, That'S Your Enemy.
So From Day One, Mother In Law, Mother In Law Says Assalamualaikum,
WelCome To The Home And She Says Hey, Relax ,Take It Easy,Take It Easy.
May Allah Forgive Us, Stop Coming In With These Preconceived Ideas,
Give Them A Chance They Love You Too, They Love Their Children,
Remember If A Divorce Happens, That Man Who Was Your Husband
Would Remain The Son Of That Particular Woman Forever Even
Though You Are Now Out Of The Picture.
But My Beloved Mother, The Boy Is Not Married To You, He
Is Your Child, He Will Remain Your Child And Remember That.
Subhanallah, My Dear Sister That Brother Of Yours Will Remain Your Brother.
The Love Is Not Going To Go But
When You Start Treating Your Sister In Law Who Is Now The
Wife Of That Young Man Who Is Your Brother Badly Just Because
He Doesn'T Spend The Weekends With You. He Doesn'T Take You
On Those Holidays Anymore. Some People Have Another Bad Habit,
What'S The Bad Habit? And I'M Talking Of Things That Are Real Because Eighty Percent
Or Maybe More Of The Problems That People Actually
Relate To Us Are Connected To Their Living
And A Lot Of It Has To Do With Marriage. So, Sometimes, You
Get Married, Mashallah, You Know, It'S A Sacrifice, It'S A Very
Big Sacrifice. You Will Need To Adjust, You Must Learn To
Serve Each Other. You Know, One Might Say Ok, Do I Really Need To
Cook? Well, If I Say No To You
Or No To Him I Think You Guys Can Stay On Those Pills, Inshallah, You Can Just Buy A Bottle
And Every For Lunch Pop In A Pill And Well
When I Say Pop A Pill Please I'M Talking Of The Right Thing,
In Sha Allah, So You Know For Lunch You Have A Little Tablet
And For Supper You Have A Tablet, That'S Not
What Life Is Your, Someone, Somewhere, Somehow,
Is Going To Have To Cook, So You Need To Help Each Other, Sort
The Matter Out, You Know, You Want Me To Go Out To Work or
You'Re Going To Have To Help Here? It'S Something Respectful.
I'M Not Saying That It'S Bad. But For Someone To Sit Over
And Above Complain About How The Food Was Cooked
When It Was Cooked, It'S My Choice, If I Am Married
And I'M A Woman I Can Get Up At Six Thirty In The Morning, Finish Cooking
And Go Away Or I Can Cook At Twelve Thirty. That It'S Up To Me.
Why Must My Mother In Law Dictate To Me Listen Six Thirty In
The Kitchen? Here For What? It Would Break A Marriage,
Remember This And You Know It Might Be Cultural
But I'M Talking From An Islamic Perspective, She Does Not
Have The Right To Do That. Yes, You May Want To Cook, You May
Want To Honor And I Know Of So Many Cases Where The
Daughters In Law Don'T Mind, It'S An Honor For Them To Cook.
But They Just Want A Small Acknowledgement, MashaAllah, Thank You So
Much, You Cook For Us, Alhamdulillah, They Don'T Want You To Pick On Them
And Make This And Make That And You Know I Mean
Inviting Half The Dunia (World), Relax, This Person Here
Just Because They Can Cook Well Doesn'T Give You The
License To Invite Who You Want For Tea And For Supper
And For The Say My Daughter In Law Would Cook, Even If You
Have Her On A Good Footing / On The Good Good Relationship, It
Will Break It. She Might Be Cursing You From Inside To Say
You Know What Inconsiderate, Can'T You See I Need My Time, My..
It'S Ok, If It'S Once A Month. You Know, Now, That It'S A Once A Year.
But Anyway No Matter What? It'S Ok. The Depending On How You Are With These People.
It'S Your Family, These Things Go Wrong, So As I Was Saying You
Going In Sacrifices, You Wouldn'T ...Who Wouldn'T Want To Sacrifice?
But There Needs To Be Appreciation. So I Was Saying, Sometimes, We Go On Holiday, Yes,
Alhamdulillah, Who Do We Tag Along? We Tag Along The Entire world.
So I Go, My Wife Goes, Who Else Goes? Well, I'M Talking Of Initially
When You Don'T Have Children, My Mother Has To Come, My Dad
Has To Come, My Sisters, My Brothers Who Are Unmarried Have To
Come, Sometimes, My Sister Who Is Married With Her
Husband Has To Come, That'S Not Holiday, To Be Honest With
If You Have A Family Who Loves Doing That And Genuinely
They All Looking Forward To It, You Are Fortunate.
But Sometimes, People Want Their Private Moments, I Want To Go
And Be Able To Just Be Myself, No Worries About Cooking,
Anything For One Week Please, I Think You Owe That, Owe That
Maybe Not From An Islamic Perspective As In Holidays Are Not Fard / compulsory.
But It'S Something That Would Actually Help Your Marriage.
Give Them A Break, Give Them A Break, Spend The Money That
You'Ve Been Earning, Don'T Just Keep It In The Bank And Wait, For The Day You Die..
When Everyone Will Be Scrounging, May Allah (Swt) Forgive Us. So The Reason
I Say This There Are Problems And People Are Not Providing Solutions
And The Problems You Cannot Just Say One Person Is Wrong,
At Turns We Don'T Want To Listen To What The Problem Is, at Times We Know The Problem
But We Are Too Weak To Actually Address The Problem. That'S
My Father I Don'T Want To Address This Matter, Your Father
Respectfully Address It. He Doesn'T Like You, He Doesn'T Like
Your Wife As A Result His Weakness, Not Yours, I Cannot Allow
Oppression To Continue Forever. I Live In The Same Home,They Don'T Talk To Each Other Until
When... That'S Not Healthy For The House. You Don'T Speak To
Her For What? What'S The Problem? Did She Need Something Of
Yours? Did She Say Something? If She Did
Treat Her As Your Own Child Or Your Own Mother
And Say Look This Happened, I Was Very Hurt, Inshallah, It
Mustn'T Happen Again, You Need To Learn To Say I'M Sorry, It
Happened A Moment I Was Upset. We Had A Misunderstanding, Allah
Has Given Us A Good Way Out, Blame Satan, You Know, Really I
Didn'T Want To Say It. Satan Made Me Say It. That'S Such A
Beautiful Outlet. Imagine, Allah Gave You A Way Out, You Can Have
Sworn Someone Five Minutes Later, Say You Know What? That Was Satan, Brother I Love You
And I Swear, SubhanAllah, Imagine, So The
Problem Is With You Become Satan Yourself Then
When You Say It Was Satan And Say I Know You'Re
The Biggest Satan Here. So, My Brothers And Sisters,
We Need To Resolve The Matters Quickly.
I Always Say Look What If This Was Your Own Child? What
Would You Do? Well, I Would Listen To Them, I Would Try
And Obey, I Would Try And Solve, I Would Try
And You Know, Listen To What They Are Saying. Well Treat
Them Like Your Child Because If You Don'T, your Marriage Is
Going To Break And Too Many Marriages Are Breaking, Another Difficulty
And This Is Something That I Found In A Lot Of Cases; When We Have Daughters
Or Sons We Sometimes Spoil Them So Badly As They Are Growing
Up, So Much That We Don'T Realize Their Spouses May Not Be
Able To Give Them Such A Life That We Provided As A Result
They May Never Be Able To Live With Anyone, Anyone At All.
They May Never Because Why? Everything Was On The Plate. They
Never Lifted A Plate, Forget About Anything Else. Everything
Was Given, You Wanted The Holiday You Got It. You Wanted A
Ferrari You Got It. You Wanted To Go To Harari You Went,
Allah Akbar, May Allah (Swt) Guide Us, May
Allah Make It Easy. Sometimes Even If You Can Afford The
Most Luxurious Of Lives, I'M Not Saying Become Stingy
But Learn To Teach Them What Appreciation Is. You Don'T Have
To Splash, Because Sometimes, They May Not Have, You May Not
Have It A Few Years Down The Line, You Need To Learn To Adjust
Your Life. That'S Your Spouse. You Make It, You'Re Going To
Have Children, They'Re Going To Mess Your Clothes
They'Re Going To Do So Much Subhanallah . May Allah (Swt)
Guide Us. So My Brothers
And Sisters Something Extremely Important Is To Work
Hard To Resolve The Problems You Have In The Marriage But With Justice.
What Does That Mean? I Don'T Just Think You
Are The Only One Who Is Right. You May Be Wrong
And This Goes Both Ways.
Sometimes The Daughter In Law Is Wrong. I Have
Had Cases Where Daughter In Law Comes To Complain
And It Ends Up That She Is Disrespectful To The Parents Of Her Own Husband.
We Are Not Saying You Need To Serve Them, At Least Be
Respectful, Be Kind, Be Good With Your Words, Excuse Them, They Are
Old. You Know What The Quran Says? The Quran
Speaks About How Allah Has Created Men (In Arabic)
(In Arabic).
(In Arabic) Allah Has Created You, Oh Man, In A Stage Of Weakness, You Are Weak
When You Are Born, Very Weak. So What Happened? Someone Had
To Look After. If They Didn'T Your Survival Was At Stake.
After That Weakness We Gave You Strength And After
That Strength We Reduced You Back To Weakness
And Grey Hair Which Means It'S Worse Than Just Weakness. You
Are Strong At One Stage, You Become A Person Weak Once Again.
And I Believe That Sometimes And I'M Going To Say
Something, You Know That, You Might Think About Later.
When You Are Young You Might Mess Your Napkin And Your
Mother Will Clean It. Your Father Might Help Or Your Siblings
Or Whoever Else. Why Did You Mess? You Messed Because Your
Sphincter Muscle Was Not Actually Controlled. It Was Not
Strong Enough To Hold Back ,You Didn'T Know How To Use it.
So, Perhaps, Urinated, Perhaps You Might Have Messed Your
Napkin Whatever It Was.
That Was A Gift That Allah Bestowed Upon You, Your
Parents Need To Know I Sacrificed For The Child But
When A Person Grows Older They May Not Mess That way They
May Mess From Their Mouths. Remember This Very Carefully, Why?
Dirtier Word Than Changing The Napkin Can Come Out From
Elderly People Who Are In Pain Sometimes, Who Are Frustrated
Sometimes, Where There'S A Generation Gap
And They Don'T Understand. If There'S More Than, Nowadays,
I'D Like To Say Twenty Five Years, Thirty Years Between You
And Your Parents there is Bound To Be A Generation Gap, Understanding
Gap, Bound To Be... Remember This, Usually They Used To Say
Forty Years Is A Generation,
Completely Different Thinking
But I Think It'S Gone A Little Bit Less now Because
Technology Is Advancing Every Minute. So, The Way I Think, It Might
Not Be The Way My Children Who Are Twenty Five Years Younger
Than Me May Think. I Will, No Matter, How Cool A Dad I Think
I'M Going To Be Or A Father In Law
Or A Mother In Law, There Will Be Differences In Thinking
Because There'S A Generation Gap. So Out Of Frustration
Sometimes, You Say Things That Are Hard Harsh, You Don'T Realize
That'S Not Your Child. It'S Someone Else'S Daughter, Someone
Else'S Son You'Ve Hurt Them.
When You Someone Else Hurts The Child Of Another Person The
Hurt Is Deeper, The Cut Is Deeper Than If It Was Your Own
Child And remember That.
Be Careful, Now, I'M Addressing Those Who Are Hurt By What
The Elderly Have Said To You, Ignore It, Change The Nappy
And Carry On Allah Akbar, Allah
Akbar,If You'Ve Understood What I'Ve Said. Let It Happen. The
Next Day They Will Beg For Forgiveness. They Might can... The
Difficulties Sometimes, The Elderly Are Stubborn, They Don'T
Ask For Forgiveness. Come What May, They Are Wrong, We Found
Out That They Said One Plus One Is Three
And The Whole world Knows It'S Two, They Won'T Apologize,
Three, It'S Three. I'M Telling You it's Three, You Say, No,
But It'S Two. who said? You Can't Subtract One From Three
That'S The Type Of Answers You Get, May Allah (Swt) Help
Us. These People Are Witty, They Are Sharp, They Know, Sometimes,
They Don'T Apologize Because Why I Am An Elderly Person.
Who Are You That I Must Apologize To You? My Beloved Elderly
A Lot Of You Are Geniuses, You Don'T Make Those Mistakes.
But If You Do, Subhanallah, Please Apologize, Please Apologize,
Learn To Make Amends. We Don'T Want Our Children'S Marriages
To Break Because We'Re Putting Pressure On Our
Daughters In Law Or Sons In Law Or Anyone Else.
But Something That Happens When You Get Old
And You Are In Pain, Your Level Of Tolerance Becomes Very
Very Less, The Level Is Low, Very Low, Fuse Becomes Five M'S
When It Was Fifteen Before. Any Small Thing And it's Blown,
May Allah (Swt) Guide Us, So Sometimes And I Know Usually
When You Hear A Little Bit Of A Rant, You Hear Something, You Know
You Can Say Subhanallah, You Are In Pain, They Will Say, Yeah, Really
So, You Know
Subhanallah It Happens Because That'S How The Body Operates.
Sometimes, You Vent Out Something In A Different Way Without
Realizing It'S Wrong, No Matter What, It'S Wrong. My Brothers
And Sisters, As I End I Want To Just Ask You One Thing. This Topic Is Long
And I Think I'M Going To Speak About It Again With A Little Bit More Details.
But What I Want Every One Of Us Those Who Are Married, Those
Who Are Not, Those Who Have Children Who Are Married, Those
Who Do Not, I Want You To Undertake For The Sake Of
Allah On This Beautiful Friday In Your Heart Here
And Now, That You Will Make Life Easy For Those Whom You Live With. In Sha Allah.