- This is a dream come true. I'd like to thank every decision
I've ever made that led me to this moment.
- If you can't beat 'em, Sweetum! - (gasps) Oh my god!
- (PvF) Have you ever wanted to go to Pawnee, Indiana?
- More than anything! - Parks and Rec?!
- (both scream) - Yeah!
- I LOVE this show! (laughs) - Li'l Sebastian!
- I have Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness.
- I think it's the best show on TV. - My wifi's name is JJ's Diner.
- I think it's my favorite sitcom, like, ever.
- I have a waffle rug in my kitchen for JJ's Diner waffles.
It is my life! - (PvF) Unfortunately,
it is a Try Not To Eat: Parks and Rec episode.
- (laughs) - I don't care.
- It's not too late to change it to Try To Eat.
- Here's what I have to say about this: Danny,
treat yo self. - (voice-over) We know what you want:
healthy, natural food that still tastes great.
And we're here to tell ya... (record scratch)
It doesn't exist! - Wait.
- Let's go! - Paunch Burger. (laughs)
That looks so fattening. - (laughs)
- Paunch Burger! - Get in my belly.
- How is that not the prize? (laughs) - Shut up.
- They got me sold. - I'm about to have a heart attack
just looking at that thing. - Shut up.
- (laughs) How many calories? - (both) Shut up!
- (laughs) - (voice-over) Or you're a nerd.
- That's right. - Oh my god.
(gasps) Oh my god! - How many calories?
Shut up! - Shut up!
- (PvF) Paunch burger is famous for their child-sized sodas
and multi-stacked cheese-covered burgers.
Oh, and its contributions to Pawnee's obesity problem,
but who cares? - Shut up.
- Nerd! - Nerd!
- How the hell do you...? - I'm doing it. Are you doing it?
- I'll do it with you. - Cheers.
(buzzer) - Honestly, this looks so good.
- You're gonna start up there. Yeah.
- This is a dream come true. I'd like to thank every decision
I've ever made that led me to this moment.
- I don't know. Are you gonna do it?
- I kind of want to. - I think you should.
And then maybe if you make it look easy enough to eat, I might.
- There's no way I can't, but how do you even
take a bite of this? - But to be fair,
how in the word do you eat this? - Exactly! It's a Try Not To Eat,
but this is impossible-- literally impossible to eat.
- (laughs) - This is going in.
- Come on, just like a snake. (buzzer)
- Uh-oh, I have something on my pinky.
- Yeah, that's the problem. - That's where it is.
- That's the problem. - It's good, but you know what?
It's about to be even better when I wash this down.
- Wash it down. - This is so good.
- Where are the fries? - (laughs)
- I don't even think I can just fit this in. Hold on.
(buzzer) - Worth it!
- That was worth it. - (Chris) Why calzone?
- (Ben) Glad you asked, Chris. - Oh my god.
- Ben's low cal calzone zone! - Calzone zone!
- (claps) - Depressed Ben Wyatt is just
work from home goals. - (Ben) ...low-cal calzone...
- Calzone zone. - (Ben) ...zone.
- (pants excitedly) I'm hyperventilating.
- Gorgeous. - I love calzones.
- (PvF) Could a depressed person make this?
Ben's calzones are the answer to Italian fast food
and way better than his stop motion skills.
- But..."Will this calzone betray me?" is the question.
- Just... yeah. I like your-- - Oh-ho-ho!
- I'm willing to risk it for calzones. - Yeah. Think I'm gonna lose
on every single one. - (laughs)
- She's so filled! - Look at all that meat in there.
I'm gonna just... (buzzer)
Mmmm. - Go for it.
- I'm going for it. - Then go for it!
- Went. - Oh, lord! That's good!
(buzzer)
- I know what cheese does to your tum-tum, so...
- For the sake of my tum-tum, I will say no.
- It's so convenient. Ben, you're a genius.
(buzzer)
My depression creations do not look anything like this,
so shoutout to Ben.
- You did it! (buzzer)
- I don't even know what the punishment is.
That was worth it. - Tum-tum be damned!
- (laughs) - (Tom) Try snake juice.
If you like, you gotta talk it up.
- Oh my god. Snake juice alcohol. - Snake juice.
- (gasps) Snake juice! - I love this scene. (claps)
- This scene right here is the most chaotic masterpiece
in television history. - (laughs)
- (laughs) - (Ben) Baba booey.
- (laughs) Baba booey! - (as Ben) Baba booey.
- (as Ben) Baba booey. - (Andy) ♪ And poop
and love and stuff ♪ - Yes, Nickelback.
- (both sing gibberish)
- (laughs) - Here's a bottle
of snake juice. - (gasps)
- Yeah, baby! - Snake juice, baby!
- (girls) How old are you? - 18.
- (laughs) Yes! - (PvF) One of Tom's most successful
entrepreneurial endeavors, snake juice brings the party
and flavor to any situation. - Yeah.
- It says it's the connoisseur's juice right here, and...
- I mean... - ...as a connoisseur myself...
- I despise alcohol. - Me too.
- (snorts) - Ah. Cheers to Ron Swanson.
- Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot!
(buzzer) - Okay, bottoms up.
- Yeah. - I don't need alcohol to have fun.
I'm on too many medications. - Tom! It's so good.
- Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I am...
- Hold on. - It tastes like an espresso martini
in a giant bottle. - You know, I feel like
this is gonna be a mistake, but uh... - Oh yeah, definitely.
- ...down the hatch. - You should still do it.
(buzzer)
(chuckles) Oh my god. - (coughs)
- Yeah, I'm gonna pass. Shocking, I know.
- I know. - To quote Ron Swanson,
"[Censored] delicious."
- (man) Mmm! - (Donna) Holy cow.
- (Ron) Wow. - (Donna) That is good stuff.
- It's gonna be Sweetums Bar. - Candy honestly sounds
pretty good right now. - (whispers) God.
- Leslie Knope is incredible. - She's like an airplane.
Her propeller just goes. - ♪ If you can't beat 'em,
Sweetum! ♪ Wham!
- (laughs) Bro, poor Ann. - Nurse Ann coming to the rescue.
- Yeah. - Everyone's so hyped up.
I feel the same way right now. - (Leslie) Look how happy everybody is.
♪ (upbeat dance music) ♪ - That's gonna be us in 10 seconds.
Look! - NutriYum energy bars!
- (PvF) If you can't beat 'em, Sweetums.
They may not be nutritious, but certainly packed with flavor
and the energy you need to get through the day.
- I want whatever they were having, which was this.
- Oh my god, Sharon. (buzzer)
Sharon!
- If you can't beat 'em, Sweetum! - I feel like they're everything
that my mother would not buy for me when I was a child growing up.
- Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. - It kind of tastes like those bars
with M&Ms in them. - Someone get the tranquilizer!
No, I'm kidding. - (laughs)
- Look at me.
treat yo self! - (laughs)
Okay, I'm having a bite. - Mmm.
(buzzer)
- I don't know, dude. - I've come this far.
It's staring me right in the mouth.
- You gonna hit it? - I think I'm gonna.
- Yeah. (buzzer)
- (muffled) I can't wait to have more! - It's actually way better
than I expected. (laughs) - Okay.
- We're here to seize the daaaay! - I think I'ma pass on this one.
- Ah. - I lived vicariously through him.
- You know, that's true. - (Andy) Let me go
to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
- (Ron) I don't much go for ethnic food.
- Come on, Ron. - Ron!
- (Andy) They have one that's called The Meat Tornado.
- "The Meat Tornado." - (Andy) Literally killed
a guy last year. - (laughs) Andy!
- (chuckles) - (laughs)
- Bro. - Oh my god!
Look at all the meat in there. I have such a mad crush on him.
- On Ron Swanson? - No, on the burrito.
But Ron-- - (laughs)
- (both) Oh my god!
- (PvF) While Ron mostly eats steak, eggs, and bacon,
he will make an exception for this one-of-a-kind burrito
that changes the meat delivery game. - I'm gonna eat this.
There's no two ways about it. (buzzer)
- I don't know what's wrong with me because I'm really about
to risk it all just because I want a chip.
- I'm treating myself. - Ready? Cheers. Treat yo self.
(buzzer) - I mean, that is just...
- A meat tornado? - It's a meat tornado.
- Today's tornado danger is high.
(buzzer) - I love meat.
- We're not in Kansas anymore! - Is it chicken, chorizo, beans,
and rice? - I think yes.
- Some would say I'm a food. I am not one of those people.
- (laughs) (buzzer)
- This is actually one of the best burritos I've had in a while.
- I just need to be alone with her for a minute.
- Sorry. Sorry. - Mmm.
- That's really, really good queso. - I could just kiss this.
K-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. - Mm-mm-mm.
- The real ones will know. - (PvF) You can't even
fit both of-- oh. - Tell me I can't fit both in.
- This felt semi-worth it. Not gonna lie.
- This slaps. Yeah. Whatever the punishment is,
it's not gonna take away from how good this burrito is.
- Well, unfortunately, all of you were not able
to resist the small town cuisine for Parks and Rec.
And we have a punishment that will make you even more sad
than when Li'l Sebastian died. - Impossible.
- ♪ Fly high Li'l Sebastian ♪ - ♪ Miss you in the satisfaction ♪
- I'm letting her do her right now. - (Lisa) Did I ask for whipped cream
on this? Ma'am? - This is the prize.
It's gonna be waffles. - YES!
- Baby. - (sighs) I want a waffle.
- Breakfast foods are my favorite food,
probably partially because of this show, but bacon, waffle...
- I'm a little disappointed in myself. - (PvF) If you had resisted,
we have a beautiful platter of waffles from JJ's
with a hefty amount of whipped cream
and your own personal JJ's Diner waffle mug
that will make you feel as happy as Leslie.
- (laughs) - Aww, man! Oh, come on!
- It smells like jet fuel. - That's Swanson family mash liquor.
- Oh, god. - Oh! A little moonshine?
- Oh. - Oh, no.
- Ooh. - (Lisa and Sierra) Poison!
- (laughs) - That's how you know it's bad.
- Oh, man. - I could do moonshine.
- Oh, I can't wait to try this, actually.
- Look at the technique. Look at the technique.
- Bro! - You gotta drink it like Ron.
That's the... - (groans softly)
- Ron frickin' Swanson! My hero! - (laughs)
- I'm scared. - What is it?
- I'm scared!
- (PvF) Good thing you aren't competing
against the Tammys', or drinking the Swanson family mash liquor
would be even more difficult to swallow.
- Oh my god. Smell it. - The smells like rubbing alcohol.
- That is vinegar. - Kind of smells like Kool-Aid.
- In what universe? - Wait.
- What is it? Nail polish remover? - Oh. Okay, yeah.
- Oh!
- (gags) Immediate no.
- That's not that bad.
- We can cheers, but you're gonna go first.
Oh. Oh, no!
- Poison!
- (spits) - (gasps)
- It tastes like drinking vinegar/shower cleaner.
- Yoi! - Yeppo!
- That's battery acid! - My eyeballs are watering.
- (coughs) - Ah!
- To Ron. - (whispers) Oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god. Please don't spit on me.
Yo. - (splutters)
- That was impressive. - I regret every choice I've made
that led me to this moment.
I'd like to thank every decision I've ever made
that led me to this moment.
- Thank you so much for watching People Vs. Food!
- What other foods should we try not to eat next time?
- Let us know in the comments below. - Be sure to like and subscribe.
- My insides burn. Bye! - (both laugh)
- Bye. - Bye!
- Beast.