Hollywood loves sequels, even if the audience doesn't always agree. Here's a handful of
would-be franchise expanders that didn't come anywhere near duplicating the success of their
predecessors.
A Christmas Story 2: My Summer Story
Being a Hollywood producer has its risks, but at least you won't shoot your eye out
if you make a sadly subpar and utterly unnecessary sequel to a beloved holiday classic.
"Oh my God I shot my eye out!"
"You'll shoot your eye out kid."
"You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!"
Our proof lies in My Summer Story, the long-delayed follow-up to A Christmas Story. Originally
titled It Runs in the Family, this 1994 release did have a couple ties to the original, like
being based on stories by Jean Shepherd, who returned to provide narration.
But given that the entire cast of the original was too old to reprise their roles, a whole
new set of stars had to be moved in, including Charles Grodin and Mary Steenburgen. Reviews
weren't entirely unkind, but the film's box office gross, which totaled less than $71,000,
speaks for itself.
Legally Blondes
After 2003's Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, Reese Witherspoon was just about
done with the character of bimbo-turned-lobbyist Elle Woods. But after watching the franchise
continue without her with the successful Legally Blonde stage musical, she took the reins once
more as producer of this 2009 direct-to-DVD spinoff.
The most interesting—and sad—thing about the movie is the involvement of director "Savage"
Steve Holland, whose once-proud filmography kicked off with the John Cusack classic Better
Off Dead. Here, viewers watch as Elle's twin cousins move into her old house and…
(sigh)
You know what? It really isn't worth talking about the plot. Suffice it to say that small
dogs and a life lesson in the final act are involved.
Ace Ventura, Jr.
More than a decade after Jim Carrey exited the Ace Ventura franchise, someone got the
bright idea to continue the series without him by attempting to tell the story of his
lookalike kid, who gets mixed up in solving some pet-related wrongdoings after Ace Sr.
flies the coop. It's a horrible idea for a sequel, even one that went direct to video,
and it was greeted with all the commercial indifference and critical scorn you might
expect. If it had arrived in the '90s, you probably would have seen it at your favorite
Blockbuster. Alas, by the late aughts, it could only gather dust on the loneliest DVD
rack at your local Best Buy.
War Games: The Dead Code
Unlike a lot of technologically-driven films, War Games remains a pretty solid little action
thriller, not least because it boasts the combined talents of Matthew Broderick, Ally
Sheedy, Dabney Coleman, and Barry Corbin. None of the above returned for the wholly
lamentable War Games: The Dead Code, which tried to duplicate the teen hacker excitement
of the original by essentially copying the plot…right down to the reintroduction of
War Games senior computer wiz Stephen Falken, played here by a new actor who didn't even
appear in the original.
Needless to say, these new War Games had no winners.
Addams Family Reunion
Seeking to reboot the Addams Family franchise after 1991's The Addams Family and 1993's
The Addams Family Values, Fox decided to start it over again as a new TV show called The
New Addams Family, featuring a new cast than who had appeared in the movies.
And then the studio filmed the made-for-TV movie Addams Family Reunion, which was supposed
to serve as the series pilot...even though it had yet another cast of actors in the lead
roles. Confused yet? Just be glad you aren't Tim Curry or Darryl Hannah, both of whom somehow
ended up roped into this alternately unfunny and offensive alleged "comedy."
Unsurprisingly, neither the movie nor the show it launched had much of a legacy. The
New Addams Family exited the airwaves after a two-season run, and there have been no family
reunions since.
Road House 2: Last Call
There are definitely people in the world that would argue that Patrick Swayze's Road House
is a classic. It's hard to imagine, though, that many of them would go so far as to say
we needed a sequel, let alone one starring Johnathon Schaech. If you remember him at
all, it's probably from That Thing You Do—you know, the whiny guitar player who dated Liv
Tyler. Well...now you can add Road House 2 to your list. Or don't. Probably don't.
Schaech stars as Swayze's character's son, a DEA agent who ends up running his uncle's
club after a local drug kingpin beats him half to death. If you're guessing that the
kid ultimately discovers that the kingpin is the same bad guy who murdered his dad,
then you're a step ahead of the target audience for Road House 2: Last Call. Maybe go a step
further and skip this one, and just watch That Thing You Do again.
(music playing)
"Oh come on that's too fast"
Tooth Fairy 2
You're setting a pretty low bar for comedy when you hire Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to
run around in fairy wings. But even when it's held up against the relaxed standards set
by the original Tooth Fairy, its little-seen sequel is an ordeal. The Rock obviously wasn't
coming back for another round, so the producers hired Larry the Cable Guy on the assumption
that, like the Rock, he'd provoke laughs simply by strapping on fairy wings. It didn't work.
And neither did hiring a pig as one of Larry's co-stars.
Splash, Too
Splash, Too was Disney's attempt to cobble together a sequel to its hit mermaid rom-com
starring Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah. With neither star affordable enough for a TV movie,
the studio almost completely overhauled the cast. Originally broadcast as a two-part event,
Splash, Too has been all but forgotten. Even the reissue fanatics at Disney haven't gotten
around to putting it out on DVD or Blu-ray.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure
(that's a mouthful)
Cousin Eddie, the braying hick who drove Clark crazy in a pair of National Lampoon's Vacation
movies, could be fairly funny in limited doses. Naturally, this was all the justification
the studio needed for basing an entire Vacation movie around Eddie after Chevy Chase and Beverly
D'Angelo were finished with the franchise. The horribly titled National Lampoon's Christmas
Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure
(panting)
starts with Eddie losing his job to a monkey and goes downhill from there, with "star"
Randy Quaid huffing and puffing his way through a series of increasingly lame pratfalls. Maybe
the movie would've turned out better if they just replaced Quaid with a monkey altogether.
Just kidding...we still love you Randy.
And last, and equally least...
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation
Studios cranked out a ton of sex comedies in the '80s, and 1984's Bachelor Party would
have been just another one of them if its star, Tom Hanks, hadn't gone on to superstardom
later in the decade. More than 20 years later, Fox tried making lightning strike twice with
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation. It was a sequel in name only that gathered up
a group of stock character types to mug for the cameras in between gratuitous topless
shots. Sadly for the studio, the next Hanks doesn't seem to have been in the cast, but
that doesn't mean we won't hear about a Bachelor Party 3 in 2032...
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