hi everyone and welcome this is the
apartheid prophets in the past I talked
very much about all the reasons why I
stopped believing in Islam and why it is
a terrible religion why you shouldn't
believe in it but I really talked about
how it happens that you lose faith in
Islam and how people in general lose
faith in this religion I think this is
especially an important topic because
Muslim apologists and people who
generally have a problem with apostates
and critics of Islam make it look like
we just left Islam for our personal
pleasure it is much more complicated and
I would like to bring you closer to how
it really is by just telling you about
myself my religiosity was kind of a rise
and fall I grew up in a religious family
and I always had respect for the faith I
kind of followed things whenever I could
eventually it came to the point where I
started being becoming very religious I
wanted to make sure that I learned as
much as possible that I know as much as
possible about this faith that I now
want to dedicate my life to so I started
reading the Quran reading scholarly
books everyday starting to pray every
day I was getting increasingly faithful
my prayers started increasing and
getting longer I was this guy who even
among my religious crowd my religious
friends was considered the most
religious one the one who takes
everything very seriously what people
didn't notice at the time was that in my
mind I was also constantly thinking
about what I was believing in what I was
reading every day I noticed that most
people most of those who believe don't
actually think about what they believe
they don't even think I cannot go
outside of this they just think this is
what needs to be done and this is what
I'm doing they never actually questioned
what they believed in
whether that combines well with your
ideas and with your worldview and with
your emotions or not if all that is
compatible with reality or not I was not
that way thinking about those things
that I learn every day gave me the
ability to actually weigh whether what
I'm learning is right or wrong and it
was a huge struggle because I remember
that I would go through the streets
fasting hungering for Allah and I would
love doing what I'm doing but at the
same time I would
think I would think about questions that
I had on my mind like scientific
questions in the Quran and I would try
to to get rid of those thoughts try to
blend them out try to think I'm not
supposed to think about this very much
because in the end I might never
understand what the Quran or what Islam
what Allah tells me but I have to
acknowledge that the Quran is the truth
because it comes from Allah so no matter
what I think I cannot possibly conclude
that there is something wrong with what
I'm reading that I might be right the
conclusion always had to be that what I
am reading is right
and that whatever I am thinking if it
contradicts with what I'm reading is
probably wrong
imagine approaching anything else in
this world with such a mindset it was
during military service that I learned
that I have to force myself to to do
something even if I really don't like it
and while I was told that I should not
question what I am forced to do I would
start questioning whether what I am
ordered and forced to do actually makes
sense or not if you think that way your
military service becomes very painful
you are supposed to be mindless so
something in me started a huge rebellion
during the military and that rebellion
also started slowly working against my
faith because I noticed that what I was
supposed to do during military which is
to not question and to just do what's
being said because what's being said is
right and you are wrong was kind of in
alignment with Islam which also told me
that I was just supposed to do what I am
told and that I can never question
because what I'm told is right and what
I think is probably wrong maybe it was a
good coping mechanism to start thinking
further about my faith because I
couldn't really start a rebellion during
the military but I eventually started
going through everything that I learned
and I noticed that my desire to fulfill
my prayers was getting weaker because
when the questions you know in your mind
start bothering you and shaking your
faith then it becomes very hard to
fulfill the duties that you have to
fulfill for this faith it wasn't that I
didn't like praying and that I therefore
wanted to leave Islam it was that I was
really dedicated to praying and to
fulfilling my Islamic duties
but with the questions that would arise
in my head that Muslim apologists
Islamic scholars simply cannot give
proper answers to would shake my desire
of fulfilling those duties or fulfilling
the five daily prayers I would start
questioning myself in the middle of the
prayer I am doing this but is the force
that is asking me to do this actually
telling me the truth about everything
and I think there is one thing that is
that is so strong that is so important
in my process of losing faith in Islam
that I always have it in my mind and I
always want to give it as an advice to
all those who question to all those who
are afraid of losing faith and of going
to hell and that is the thought Allah
gave me a brain Allah created me he made
me able to question and he told me in
the Quran to think if I now think and
question how can I be blamed for that
should I not as a human listen to my
nature and listen to the Quran should I
not follow this great advice and maybe
think as much as possible and stop
blocking myself stop putting barriers
into my brain stop forcing myself to
stop when I'm afraid of all the places
that my mind can reach well after
adopting that way of thinking everything
basically just went downhill for my
faith because once I started allowing
myself to question and to to think to
the fullest
everything just slowly fell apart at
first I questioned all the scholars that
I'm listening to and I concluded that it
simply cannot be that it is the scholars
who are holding my faith together and
who are being an authority over my
religiosity because the Quran speaks to
me it never actually tells me to listen
to scholars or to follow a spiritual
leader or anything at all at first I
stopped recognizing the legitimacy of
sects popular institutions popular
schools then I slowly went into
deconstructing the accepted forms of
Islam in my brain the vast movements in
schools of Islam that people live by
then I started reading the Quran again
and I noticed what I really feel about
the Quran how I really think about it
because
for the first time I allowed myself to
actually think what I think while
reading the Koran without blocking
thoughts without feeling too much guilt
at this point I still had not lost my
faith but I was just allowing myself to
actually use my mind as the Quran tells
me to and doing that I noticed that
there are so many questions in the Quran
that I cannot answer that Muslim
apologists cannot answer and I really
gave them a chance I really gave all of
them a chance
I looked for so many answers by Muslim
apologists by Imams by scholars about
very popular questions that I had
regarding Islam at the Quran many of
those questions simply don't have
answers and no matter what people tell
you no matter what Muslim apologists
tell to non-muslims about the Koran and
about questions and no matter what
Muslim apologists tell each other and
tell their loyal Muslim crowds there are
so many issues in the Quran that Muslim
apologists want to answer online but
that most of the Muslims simply feel
uncomfortable about and I was one of
those uncomfortable Muslims I eventually
started comparing Muslims and the
Islamic world to non-muslims and the
non-muslim world especially in terms of
intellect if you honestly make a
comparison between how the Islamic world
compares to the Western world or East
Asia for example in terms of knowledge
in terms of wisdom and education it is
very hard to hold on to the TV assertion
that Muslims and Islam held a higher
ground in terms of education and
knowledge eventually I started
questioning Muhammad's and I really
loved Muhammad's because you are
supposed to love Muhammad when you are
part of that but I started questioning
how I can trust Muhammad's how I can
trust a person who lived 1,400 years ago
how I can trust anything that he said
when humans cannot even swatch other we
don't trust each other we don't actually
take anyone's word on face value we want
to re-evaluate and we want to fact-check
everything how can we possibly trust
this guy who lifts 1000 40 years ago and
made very extraordinary assertions
without ever presenting any proof I'm
not talking about proof that you find in
Islamic reports by
Muslims verified and published by
Muslims thousand four hundred thousand
three hundred years ago I'm talking
about actual sources actual documents of
proof nothing has ever been proven about
anything that he or people like him
asserted so how can I possibly believe
them how can we not trust each other
about payments and want to see documents
about that yet which trust some complete
random stranger 1042 years ago in the
desert about his claims that he
communicated with supernatural beings
that we cannot see and that no one has
seen and documented how can we trust
that he was morally wonderful and
flawless when much of what we know about
him is in clear conflict with our
understanding of good and bad and good
and disgusting eventually the only place
to look at was the Quran because the
Quran could be the only thing that could
verify the authenticity of Muhammad
because the Quran is supposed to be the
the absolute word of Allah word-for-word
and if the Quran cannot be trusted then
nothing can be trusted yes didn't I have
questions about the Quran from the very
beginning even when I was at the peak of
my religiosity even when I was so much
in love with Islam and with what I was
believing in didn't I constantly keep
myself from questioning and keep myself
from from accepting the answers that I
know very well in my mind are reasonable
answers that conflict Islam didn't I
have to rely on explanations by third
parties by Muslim scholars Muslim
apologists whose job it is to solidify
the faith to defend the faith to prove
that the Quran that Islam is right it is
their sole objective to prove that Islam
is the truth it is not their objective
to analyze and to reveal what is
actually true their objective is that
Islam is the truth and that they need to
find a way to prove that to the public
how can you trust people like that how
could it be that I cannot trust anyone
else who has something negative to say
about this religion in this book but I
have to trust all those people who say
good stuff about it
not even all the people who say good
stuff about
even there even among the Muslim
scholars and apologists we are being
selective we choose the ones that we
like and reject the ones we don't like
and most often we don't even make these
choices most often we are simply born
into an Islamic school that accepts and
rejects certain guidelines and we go by
that we are able to do that yet we are
never able to discard our faith in Islam
because it is the absolute truth one way
or another how can that be a result of
healthy thinking but these doubts these
questions these conclusions these free
thoughts in my mind kept piling up and
piling up and piling up without anyone
being able to answer them and I really
gave it a chance I really prayed I
really tried I really did my best but
eventually there was just no choice left
because I tried to be reasonable I tried
to give precedence to reason and the
reason simply defeated the
indoctrination of Islam that was so
strong I eventually arrived at a long
journey ahead where I started
questioning the existence of God and
that was an entire different journey
that I will probably come to quite soon
I wasn't entirely sure whether a God
exists or not but I was definitely sure
that my God could not be the one that
Muhammad introduced to his people in the
7th century in a in a desert of
ignorance that we adopted through
indoctrination by our parents after they
were given this religion by force
through religious wars of course losing
faith in Islam means eternal damnation
Hellfire being equal to a beast in Islam
or worse and it also means death by
Islamic law but it didn't really matter
anymore you couldn't have possibly
scared me at that point anymore because
I just simply didn't have faith anymore
it's not something that I chose I didn't
choose to be an ex-muslim X Muslim life
chose me no seriously that's how it goes
see that is why when people tell me
today that I will be punished that I
will regret this that I was never a real
Muslim that I'm a fake X Muslim that I
just did this for my own desires when
people tell me all these things
they just appear so meaningless I can't
take these accusations seriously because
they come from people who haven't even
experienced what I experienced who
didn't even go through what I went
through most of them because they chose
to be afraid instead to be cowards
instead just like I chose to be a coward
for a long time until I finally freed
myself until I saw the world as it
really is and found that it is actually
a beautiful place outside the
indoctrination of this terrible religion
that was forced on our ancestors planted
into the minds of our parents and given
to us so that we never questioned it
this is how I lost faith and it is great
to see that I'm not alone thank you for
listening don't forget to subscribe and
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and have a great day stay away from
Islam