- All right, Chase, you ready to do this video
in front of thousands of people?
- Thousands?
- Thousands of people will hear what you have to say.
- Uh, I wasn't expecting thousands of people.
- It's gonna be fine.
What are you...
No, you can't.
(gasps) You can't,
you can't, (gasps)
you can't leave me like this.
(gasps) Chase, I'm freaking out.
- [Chase] No, no, no, I'll come back.
I'll come back.
- (sighs) Mended Light.
(upbeat music)
How do you know if you have anxiety?
This is a question for ask the therapist.
We have Chase Brewer, member of our Mended Light team.
What's up, Chase?
- Hey, thank you.
- Chase has been with us for...
- Almost five years now.
- Almost five years.
Specializes in trauma,
specializes in couples and family relationships.
And today we're gonna talk about anxiety.
- Anxiety.
- From my experience...
Tell me what you think about this.
You read the "DSM-5,"
which is the big fat book of mental... (laughs)
It's the big fat book of mental and personality disorders.
When you go through that, are you like, "I know someone.
That reminds me of someone.
That reminds me of me,"
and you just go through every single one?
- Right.
- I think in the "DSM-5,"
I think every mental disorder
and personality disorder is something that is just normal,
but is dialed up to 11.
What are your thoughts on that?
- At some point in your life,
you're going to experience anxiety
or other type of mental illness like depression.
Life is not easy.
It's going to be hard.
- There's nothing shameful about it.
- Right.
Sometimes it's going to kick you in your butt,
and you're going to fall down.
It's about picking yourself back up
and understanding anxiety,
how it plays a part in your life,
and how to move forward,
how to take care of yourself.
- Well, anxiety,
we all feel stressed and we all feel anxious.
Just like we all feel depressed sometimes.
But there's a difference between feeling depressed
and clinical depression.
There's a difference between feeling anxious
and clinical anxiety.
And the biggest difference is how it affects your life,
how it affects your ability to function,
your relationships, your work,
pursuing your goals, these types of things.
So what do you think is the difference
between general human anxiety that we all experience
and an anxiety disorder or an anxiety attack?
- Depends on the symptoms that you feel at the moment
and how it affects you,
how it can take hold of you.
So some symptoms that you might experience is your heart
may be pounding really fast
and you could feel like you can't control it.
Sometimes your mind just races uncontrollably
and can be recursive.
For example, you get-
- What does recursive mean?
I'm not as smart as you are.
- You think about it over and over and over again.
So for example, it's the weekend.
You get a statement from the bank
to resolve a particular issue.
But you can't solve it on the weekend.
- You gotta wait till Monday.
- You have to wait till Monday.
And so no matter how hard you try to push that aside,
that thought comes back to you five minutes later,
10 minutes later, half hour later.
- Good luck enjoying the weekend.
How was your weekend?
Awful.
It was a nonstop panic attack.
How was yours?
- Yeah.
And so it limits you from enjoying your weekend,
from laying around, watching a show,
or spending time with your family.
- If you're huddled in the fetal position,
and you're rocking yourself,
you're not spending time with your kids, right?
Well, I look at it like...
An anxiety attack,
I had never had one until I was 40 years old.
And it wasn't me being 40.
That was just when it happened.
But I went roughly half my life
without having a true anxiety attack.
I'd help people.
I'd talk people through it.
I knew what to do to help someone through it,
but I'd never experienced it.
And holy crap.
I thought I was gonna die.
I though I was gonna not be able to breathe anymore.
They describe it like everything's closing in.
I felt claustrophobic,
even though I was in a wide open room.
I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack,
like my heart was gonna just ramp up and then stop.
- Yeah.
- I was having a hard time catching my breath.
And all the thoughts were negative.
All the thoughts were hopeless.
All the thoughts were that my problems were insurmountable.
And it was terrifying.
Compare that to, I've had stress my entire life.
I felt anxiety speaking in public.
I felt anxiety having important conversations.
I've felt anxiety when there was negative dollars
in the bank account.
I've felt anxiety having lost a child.
You lose a child, not to death,
but at a fair or something.
Is my child kidnapped?
Can't find the kid.
I've felt the terror of it before,
but never had I got to a place where I couldn't function.
And for me, that was...
It had all compiled.
All of my life stresses just compiled into...
You ever have a knot in your back
that is so small and intense that it is,
it's not just uncomfortable,
it is excruciating?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Imagine that, but psychologically.
- And then, don't you begin
to question your sense of reality,
and then you feel alone in that?
- Yeah.
Well, my kids found me.
(laughs) My kids found me.
They're like, "Mom!"
And it was scary for them.
They didn't know what was going on.
And you talk about questioning your sense of reality.
What I questioned was my lifelong optimism.
And I questioned my beliefs,
and I questioned my values,
and I questioned what was real,
what was safe, what was...
It was terrible.
And that's the thing.
If it's depression, we all feel,
we all feel sad,
and sometimes even crushingly sad.
But what happens when you literally can't get out of that,
when taking a shower feels like climbing Mount Everest,
much less going to work,
or interacting with your children,
or being there for a friend?
What makes something a mental illness?
And by the way, we need to destigmatize that phrase.
There's nothing shameful about it.
It's not chosen, it's just there.
We don't feel ashamed when we catch a cold.
You don't feel ashamed when you get shin splints.
If there's some sort of bodily illness,
there's no shame in it.
But when it's mental, it's like,
oh, this is a weakness.
What do you think about that?
- I think we all struggle with that,
and we unintentionally carry on that shame.
But it all happens in the background,
and then it just takes over.
- Wow, that idea of it just taking over is so,
it's so sad,
because we all just wanna thrive.
So how do you know if you have anxiety, clinical anxiety?
You're having a hard time functioning.
It's impeding your work,
it's impeding your social life,
it's impeding your education,
it's impeding you achieving your goals
where you are so overwhelmed by the stress
that you can't live.
That's how you know it's time to see a therapist for sure.
And even better to see one before.
- Yeah, I'll add to that.
I'll teach you guys something.
When it comes to anxiety and anxiousness,
there is a difference between the two.
Anxiousness gives you symptoms
of you have butterflies in your stomach
or fluttering around your heart.
Almost encourages you...
Let's say, for example, that you're taking a test at school,
and you feel unprepared or not confident.
That's anxiousness.
It pushes you to,
I need to study some more.
But with anxiety,
if it carries on into anxiety,
it does, it stops you.
It's like this emotional and mental wall stops you
that says, "I can't study anymore.
I give up."
It puts severe limitations on your health
and how you pursue your goals in the day,
or it just stops you.
- People drop out of school,
they end relationships, they distance.
People leave their families and stuff
because they just can't handle it.
And the fact is, it's not because of weakness.
It's because life is really hard,
and we are all psychologically wired
to only handle so much.
And that threshold is not only different between people,
it's different between,
it's different within the same person across time.
What I can handle now may be much more
than I could handle five years ago.
Or if I've been hit enough by life,
it could be a lot less.
My fuse is a lot shorter, I get irritable,
I explode, or I just...
Hey, my day got hard.
It's only 10:00 in the morning, and I'm done.
That's it.
And it's not because I'm weak.
It's because I'm burnt out.
What advice would you give someone
who is struggling with anxiety?
How do they work through it?
- One advice that I would give is
understanding that life is always changing on you.
How you lived your life,
the type of lifestyle that you had,
and the way that you coped five years ago
may not be as equal as it is today.
Life got harder for you or things are...
You're transitioning through life.
Maybe you add another kid to the family,
or maybe you upgraded your home,
and so your home mortgage is more stressful.
Your ability to cope five years ago also needs to change.
You need to strengthen that emotional resilience-ness
to be able to take care of yourself as life changes.
- Awesome.
I think that's tapping into what are the skills
that you've acquired.
What are the experiences that you've acquired?
Far too often we doubt ourselves.
We think that we're unable, instead of trusting.
What have I learned so far that'll help me?
And then, what'll take me beyond?
The fact is, part of what we do here at Mended Light is
we help with this sort of thing.
If you are experiencing stress and anxiety,
we can teach you skills beyond what you've already acquired
to deal with it in the moment,
how to self-soothe,
how to regulate your heart rate and slow it down,
how to increase blood flow and oxygen to the brain
so that you can think more clearly,
and that you feel at peace.
Having someone to talk with, my goodness,
never underestimate how powerful it is
to not be holding things here anymore.
Yes, sometimes therapy...
A lot of times therapy is gaining new skills,
new techniques, new insights and new guidance.
But there's something to be said for...
I really just needed to say this,
and I didn't wanna... (laughs)
My family can't handle it,
or my friends can't handle it,
so I need to say it to you.
Or you can help me know
how to have this conversation with them in a way
that they don't feel the burden of responsibility.
They're just there for me.
And that is something that we can help you with.
So if you're interested in meeting with Chase
or a member of our team,
you can use the link in the description below
for a complimentary 15-minute consultation,
or you can go ahead and bite the big one
and schedule the full 80-minute first session.
Either way, this man is at your disposal.
Check it out.
- I'm here to help.
- So this has been...
We've been talking about anxiety.
I have another video where I talk about
what to do if you feel hopeless and depressed.
That's "Ask A Therapist."
Check that video out.
Also, let us know what do you want us,
the members of the Mended Light therapeutic team,
what do you want us to address?
What questions do you have
about mental health, relationships, trauma?
We're here. Let us know.
We can't wait to read your ideas.
- Thanks for joining us.
- As always, keep shining.
We need your light.
And here's that video about depression.
But it's not a depressing video.
It's actually quite hopeful.
- [Chase] It's educational.
- [Jonathan] It's hopefu-cational.
(Chase chuckles)
I think I just said the F word
somewhere in the middle of that.