England's King Henry VIII had six wives.
People who know that bit of history trivia think they know Henry.
Usually he's pictured all puffy and jowly, but what people forget is that he didn't start
out that way.
Given the rate of infant mortality in the 16th century, it's a wonder anybody, royal
or not, survived to adulthood.
Adulthood itself wasn't exactly a long slow glide into the land of "Get off my lawn,"
either, since, on average, you were probably going to shuffle off this mortal coil before
you even hit 40.
Henry, however, got the brass ring, born royal and healthy.
He's usually described in his youth as handsome and athletic.
He managed to rule England for some 38 years before wine, women, pork, and physical activity
took their toll.
Biographies attribute the turning point in his deteriorating health to a leg injury he
suffered while jousting.
His horse crushed him, leaving him unconscious for two hours, and eventually far less active
than he used to be.
His appetite led him to consume 5000 calories daily, much of it consisting of meat and red
wine.
His circulation was terrible, especially in the legs, which deteriorated into two weeping
varicose ham hocks.
He would later end up having to be carried around in a chair, and instead of hunting
down deer, he would have them herded towards him so he could muster a shot.
"Henry VIII is the only king whose shape you remember!"
As Henry's weight increased, his health kept declining, and nothing seemed to help.
Not even the most up-to-date medical procedures, like bloodletting in conjunction with the
phases of the moon, helped.
Hey, it's not like they didn't try.
Then came January 27, 1547, his day of reckoning.
Everyone knew he was dying, but no one was willing to say the words out loud.
It was considered treasonous to predict the death of a king.
Nevertheless, it was clear the king was nearing death, and so Sir Anthony Denny had the unenviable
task of suggesting that Henry might want to examine his royal conscience and make his
peace with God.
Henry spent time with his confessor and received Holy Communion.
"Finally, it's pointed out to him that he might want to think about his impending end."
Henry proclaimed that he believed that "Christ in all His mercy" would pardon him for his
many sins, but even he acknowledged there was a lot of sin in his past.
After all, wives and royal advisors weren't the only people Henry had executed during
his reign.
Some historians suggest as many as 72,000 people died under Henry's order during his
nearly 40 years on the throne.
Despite this rather large death toll, the evidence suggests that England's King Henry
VIII did believe in God.
Before they had their famous falling-out, the Pope had declared Henry "Defender of the
Faith," for the monarch's writings in opposition to Martin Luther.
It should come as no surprise, then, that the afterlife took up much of Henry's waning
attention as he slowly slipped from this life to eternal life.
The chronicles from the time spun his final moments as befitting a king, but bear in mind
there were also examinations of Henry's sputum and stools going on.
Hopefully in a different room.
As England's most powerful people hovered nearby, perhaps hoping to get name-checked
in his yet-to-be finalized will, Henry was overcome with weakness from which he'd never
recover.
Assistants buzzed around him, applying various potions and poultices.
Tapestries were drawn across windows to keep out the elements, and a fire was constantly
burning to keep "evil vapours" at bay.
Eventually, Henry began to drift off for the last time.
At least one scholar attributes Henry's one-way ticket to the afterlife to renal and liver
failure.
It was a slow slide, brought on by his unhealthy lifestyle, and not a pretty one.
His last words were to summon Archbishop Thomas Cranmer to his bedside, but Henry was unconscious
by the time the churchman arrived.
Cranmer asked the king for a sign that he still believed Christ would save him, and
Henry is said to have squeezed the Archbishop's hand in response.
Two hours later, in the wee hours of January 28, Henry breathed his last.
He was 55.
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