(whispering) One, two, three.
- Good afternoon, internet! - Hi!
- They look at babies’ bones with x-rays.
You wanna look at babies’ bones?
- Keith.
Hmm?
Four years.
- What was that?
- This does feel oddly like the beginning of a porno.
Yeah.
Wipe off all your sweat.
It’s crazy how you say that.
Are you ready for
lotion
to prep your dry spots to make them…
wet?
Oh yeah.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
You have to take care of me.
Your elbows are already pretty wet.
(distorted laughing)
- You just put so much on my elbows.
And your hands are wet!
Well, because I just put lotion on them!
So, we would fuck each other like hard?
There is a lot of sexual tension here.
He denies it.
That’s only the more proof.
- Without a warning of any sort,
he pressed ripped my sandwich out from my pocket,
gentle nibbles at first, but vigorously eating very soon.
I told myself to pull away.
I was engaged for Christ’s sake!
But that sandwich looked delicious.
Mm…Mr. Lee!
“Shut the hell up,” he barked huskily.
“Call me daddy.”
(Zach laughing)
He smirked before going down on
to get another sandwich.
- [Eugene] Another sandwich?
- Which is crazy! One of those hidden talents you don’t know about.
Just like how Keith has two dicks!
- Were you gonna kiss me?
No, did you want me to?
- No! You just looked at me.
Wait, did you feel something?
- No! You looked at me in a very… Did you feel something?
- You looked at me in a very weird way.
Sounds like you felt something.
(french horn noises)
- No!
What’s wrong with you guys?
- Don’t inhale!
Don’t take a sharp intake of breath!
You’re making it worse!
Just, behave normally, okay?
(both laughing)
Be a normal person, just behave normally.
This is a normal thing.
- I fucking hate all of you.
You’re so fucking stupid.
How does it feel?
How do my thighs feel?
- You have a little pepper in your, on your teeth.
I have a lot of problems.
- Stop making us kiss!
They’re just kissing a little bit.
- What if…
I’ll go back in.
(in unison) We’re going to
level-up our
- Sex appeal. - D*cks! Sex! Appeal.
(together) Three, two, one!
Yeah! Sexual.
Oh, is it?
- Lemme kiss that neck.
No, no, don’t do that, Keith.
Stop kissing virtual Eugene’s neck.
- A little kiss on the forehead.
- But if I kiss you on the forehead, I’m gonna ruin your facial.
- Yeah, you’re right. You probably need to kiss me on the lips.
(laughing)
- We could do an affirmation.
- You are loved.
(laughing)
- What school subject is the fruitiest?
- Gay history.
- Gay math.
- History.
Because it is full of dates.
- What's gay math?
- Sorta like…
(in a gay way) 5 + 7!
(laughing)
(trying not to laugh)
(laughing)
- Get outta here!
- [Lauren] Gay horse’s innards
are exiting.
So gay.
(all laughing)
- Woah!
Double dutch.
Aw, man. That was fun.
Woah!
Indiana Jones!
That’s so much fun going on!
(singing Indiana Jones theme song)
(imitating whips)
- They have segregated the baby ward.
This one’s a little dark.
Not as dark as my babies.
- I’m gonna walk by like a pretty lady.
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, sir.
- Can you point the right way to the toy store?
- Brrrring!
- Gah! F*ck!
Don’t give up.
Pour more oil into it.
Please, listen to me.
Please, heed my advice!
(growling)
- Hey, Keith?
- Keith?
- Mm?
- Keith.
- Yes.
- Why is this how we start this?
- Because Keith! Keith.
- Uh huh.
- It’s me and you.
- Yeah.
- Versus Zach and Ned.
- That’s true.
- We rarely get paired together.
- Yeah, because we’re both the best!
- So if you put us on the same team, it’s just not fair!
(both singing)
- ♫ Bucket of beef, beef, beef ♫
♫ Daddy Keith, a bucket of beef ♫
♫ in the pies, a bucket of Keith ♫
♫ Daddy Keith, a bucket of beef ♫
♫ Bucket of beef in the pie ♫
♫ Serve the pie to your friends ♫
♫ Make your friends very happy ♫
♫ And that’s how the song ends ♫
- ♫ Beef ♫
- Alright, let’s fill these up with beef!
- First thing we’re gonna do here
is desegregate the babies!
- So, for some reason, they’ve decided it needs to be shorts.
- Get away from me!
- No, you’re fine.
- Get away from me with those!
- I’m gonna cut the shorts.
- Mario does not have scissors!
- Okay, Keith. You trust me?
- Yes.
- My tail!
- I’m gonna cut…
(snip)
- There we go.
- Ugh, I’m free at last.
- How’s it goin’ over there?
Terribly.
Did you add the oil?
No.
This isn’t Rupaul’s Best Friend Race, dude.
This is a competition.
Rupaul has a best friend race?
No! That’s the whole point.
I’d watch it.
I’m not supposed to heed advice from a competitor!
I’m having success.
So I’m trying to share it.
- This is trash.
Don’t use the oil.
Whatever you do,
don’t use the oil.
- This is slightly more clever.
The costumes all so far have been insertion jokes.
- I could still fuck you if you wanted.
- It’s Taboo, but only using our video titles.
- Tryboo!
- Oh my god. Keugene.
- Keugene!
- (together) It’s…
my…
favorite…
- bird!
(laughing)
- What if you did a twirl?
- That might help. You’re a princess!
(laughing)
- Alright, well I’m gonna go hang out with your wife, so uh
have fun finishing your cookies?
- Yeah!
- Okay!
- That’s it!
- Time for our just desserts.
- It’s not a physical place.
- It’s the verb, “place.”
- Oh, Eugene, you’re so f*cking smart!
- Thanks, man!
- Oooh, what a smarty boy!
- He’s a fruity motherf*cker.
- Hi.
- (speaking in unison) The first ingestible digestible:
- Wendy’s!
- What do you think it? Just guess.
- Did the guy die?
- Dave Thomas?
- Is he dead?
- Uh, I think he might…
- I think he died.
- Or, you know what, I think…
- Is Wendy dead?
- Like, you could be Rihanna, and you could be singing.
- Oh my god. That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said.
- Woah!
- Ooh, hit me again, daddy.
- No!
- I know. I don’t want you to see my real face.
- Hey!
(laughing) Oh, no!
- Beep, beep, beep, boom!
(Keith screaming)
(Eugene laughing)
- I dropped my glasses! They’re somewhere on the floor.
- Was Wendy a real person? No…
- Yes!
- Was it his daughter?
- It was his daughter!
- Did she die?
- No! She’s alive! I keep saying she’s alive!
- Is that why he made Wendy’s?
- It turns out that today, I am daddy’s favorite.
- Wow. This…what a thrilling conclusion.
- Keith, congratulations!
Not only do you get to get married today
but you’re also Eugene’s new daddy.
And what do good sons do?
- That’s true.
- They sit on daddy’s lap!
- No!
- They sit on daddy’s lap!
- Too many callbacks.
- Maybe you should sit on daddy’s lap.
- The audience is loving it!
The comments are crazy!
- You did one time before I saw in a video.
You didn’t like it, but you can try.
Yes. No, it’s okay.
With my permission, yes you can do it!
- Alright, Mom.
(everyone cheering)
- Wow, what?
I didn’t see this ending coming. Did you guys?
Did you guys see this coming?
Wow. So many surprises here today.
- You wanna go give him a hug? It’s your family.
- No, no.
- We are Sexy Pants Four.
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See you tomorrow for another fresh vid.
Sexy Pants Four?