hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about emotional intelligence
and how to master your emotions now let's begin number one reinterpret your symptoms
so what happens to your body when you're nervous your breathing quickens your heart pounds in your
chest your stomach ties itself in nuts when you notice these changes in your body how do you feel
well most people interpret stress in a negative way they associate physical changes with emotional
anxiety but is that really what it means all right let's say you're about to give a speech you feel
your heart rate speed up so you assume that you're nervous right you assume you're not prepared for
this challenge you start to doubt yourself all because your body seems to be panicking but it's
not you associate these physical symptoms with anxiety but your body isn't nervous it's excited
now think about other times when your heart rate speeds up it beats quickly on first dates the same
way it does before a test your stomach turns during presentations and on roller coasters
your breathing changes when you're watching a scary movie even if you love to be scared so what
does this mean for your emotional intelligence can you use this knowledge to your advantage
can you rethink your physical symptoms to master your emotions all right let's go back to our
example before giving your speech you realize how quickly your heart's beating instead of assuming
that you're nervous you realize that your body is just excited suddenly your mindset changes
so instead of doubting yourself you get excited too you gain confidence your motivation grows
when you recognize that your body isn't panicking you can perform at your best this strategy comes
from a 2010 study in the journal of experimental social psychology researchers wanted to see
how rethinking physical symptoms affects your performance they tested this on a group of college
graduates who they split into two categories group one took a high-stakes test without
any interference from researchers group two on the other hand received a lesson on rethinking
physical symptoms they were told that physical changes show excitement instead of fear after this
lesson they took the same test as group one do you think their new mindset affected their performance
group two experienced less stress and scored higher than group one by rethinking their
symptoms they stayed in control of their body and their emotions so use this trick the next
time you get nervous re-interpret your physical symptoms get excited alongside your body and by
changing your thinking you stay confident and in control number two recognize your spectrum if you
have high emotional intelligence you recognize a wider range of emotions than the average person
you understand how individual emotions differ from each other you can identify for example how
anger is different from jealousy you know how joy differs from satisfaction emotionally intelligent
people understand a broad spectrum of emotions thanks to their emotional vocabulary so what is an
emotional vocabulary it's the language you use to describe how you feel the vast majority of people
know only two words to describe their emotions they're either feeling good or they're feeling bad
neither of these terms capture the many different emotions that you may be feeling without the
right vocabulary you don't know what to call these feelings so you don't know how to understand them
so if you want to master your emotions you need to expand your vocabulary don't describe yourself
with simple umbrella terms like good or bad be specific get to the heart of your problem by
distinguishing each individual feeling okay let's try an example let's say you have a bad feeling
you know you're feeling negative but why are you feeling negative maybe you made a mistake and that
mistake made you vulnerable and weak this emotion is called embarrassment now let's go one step
further what if you're more than just embarrassed you made a mistake and that was embarrassing but
then someone made fun of you now you're feeling something worse than embarrassment you're feeling
attacked vulnerable and ashamed together these feelings create an emotion called humiliation
every emotion has these unique characteristics there are dozens of positive and negative emotions
and each one differs in small but significant ways so they need to be explored individually
when you get specific with your emotions you understand the way you think and feel you
recognize personal patterns you discover deeper issues and you learn how to regulate your emotions
this comes from a 2001 study in the journal cognition and emotion researchers explain that
emotional regulation correlates with emotional distinction in other words people who recognize
specific emotions can regulate those emotions so what happens when you regulate your emotions
you may control the negative feelings that cause you pain you may encourage
the positive feelings that leave you inspired so take the time to explore your feelings and learn
some new words along the way as you expand your vocabulary you may discover feelings
you never knew existed number three diversify your experiences where does emotional intelligence
come from the simple answer is experience your experiences widen your perspective they teach
you new things by exposing you to the unknown you can only learn so much inside your little bubble
if you spend your life hiding in your comfort zone you'll never know what the world has to offer
there are millions and millions of lifestyles opinions and perspectives out there you'll never
experience them all but the more you understand the wider your perspective will become that's why
many travelers have high emotional intelligence their experiences are like a window into the lives
of others jumping from country to country they accumulate perspectives that shape their emotions
even if you can't travel the world you can still collect new experiences you can read books you
can watch movies you can learn new languages and try new foods there are all kinds of opportunities
out there but there's one question we haven't answered how exactly does your experience impact
your emotional intelligence experience creates understanding and understanding creates empathy
you learn why others think the way they do you get a better understanding of different people
and personalities empathy lies at the heart of emotional intelligence but you need perspective
to understand others without perspective your understanding will always be limited
there's one more big advantage to broadening your horizons experience creates empathy but it also
defuses rumination or overthinking according to a 2015 study from the proceedings of the
national academy of sciences of the united states of america experiences especially those in nature
impact your mental state how by reducing negative activity in the brain these experiences create a
positive state of mind allowing you to escape toxic patterns so if you want to master your
emotions have a new experience step outside of your comfort zone walk fearlessly into the unknown
because there's a world out there waiting to be understood number four reinforce your standards
do you have high standards for yourself do you cut other people too much slack
this contradiction creates emotional discord for countless people say you expect yourself
to be trustworthy you work hard to keep every single promise you make but what happens when
someone breaks a promise they made to you do you express your frustration or do you just hold it in
most people don't want to criticize or upset other people so they keep their emotions bottled up
if you have high standards for yourself you should maintain those standards for the people in your
life because people with high standards make the best leaders they have clear expectations
and bring out the best in other people now i'm not saying you should attack or criticize people when
they fail in fact you should do just the opposite when people fail be the first person to support
and encourage them by empowering others you also empower yourself you take a more confident and
active role in your life you stop bottling up your feelings and you gain control over your emotions
number five limit your reactivity how do you respond to conflict do you react with the first
feeling that pops into your head your first emotion is often unproductive and impulsive
when you react instantly you may respond in a way that contradicts how you really feel in the moment
your emotions burst out your anger overflows and your emotions cloud your judgment and in the end
you feel nothing but regret people with high emotional intelligence control their reactivity
when they're faced with a problem they don't respond right away they take some extra time to
think and during that time their emotions settle down those flaring impulsive feelings dissipate
so they can think with a cool head because of this calculated pause emotionally intelligent people
develop strong conflict resolution skills instead of creating conflict they neutralize conflict
they mediate reasonable compromises and help other people communicate so if you want to develop
emotional intelligence control your reactivity pause whenever your emotions get the best of you
in the moment you don't have to react excuse yourself and take a break give your emotions
the chance to settle down and when you're calm and clear-headed you'll give a response that
you can stand behind not only will you avoid conflict but you'll develop better control over
your emotions yeah it may be difficult at first your emotions may get the best of you from time
to time but that's okay keep trying to stay in control keep forcing yourself to pause and think
and with practice you'll learn to master your emotions hey thank you for watching
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