You've been trying to get your husband's attention, but nothing
seems to work. Girl, I feel you. I remember feeling this during
my first year of marriage, and honestly, probably my first
several years of marriage. My husband was in a high stress
job. He was in the military, we were living in a completely
different country, he would come home at the end of the day, and
I just wanted his attention. I felt alone. I didn't know anyone
in the country, he was my only person. I just wanted his
attention. But he would come home at the end of the day, and
he would want time to decompress and unwind. And I would do
everything possible to try and get my husband's attention.
I'll talk more about that in just a minute, but I understand
how it can lead you to feel unwanted, unloved, and
unaccepted in your relationship. In this video, I'm going to
share with you the things that we typically do as women when
our husbands are not paying attention to us when we're
trying to get their attention, and it's not working, and how
those won't work. Then, I'm going to share with you some
quick things, a resource of ours, a free resource that you
can get today, to actually understand what will work to
start getting your husband's attention and get him to fall
even more in love with you.
Maybe go back to when things were the happiest, maybe even
back to feeling like you were when you were dating. We have a
free resource we're going to give you at the end of this
video that can help you do just that. So first, let's think
about why could it be that it is so difficult to get your
husband's attention. There's a variety of reasons that your
husband may be disconnected, ranging from external focuses
that are pulling his attention, like work or friends or hobbies
that he has. But it could also be internal focuses that are
pushing his attention away, lik issues in your marriage
unresolved issues within himsel , maybe from things that ha
e happened in the past, or thi gs that he hasn't dealt with.
So those are the two different w ys there could be something outs
de of your relationship tha 's pulling his focus, or someth
ng happening inside of hims lf that's either pulling his fo
us inward or something happeni g in your marriage that's pushi
g his focus out because he doesn t want to be engage
But when husbands disconnect, women typically do one of four
things to try and get their husband's attention. They try
and push their husband to see them and hear them by doing what
I call push behaviors, which is an acronym where every letter of
push actually stands for something that we as women do,
that ends up pushing our husband away when we are trying to get
their attention. Now push behaviors are done by both
genders; men do them, and women do them. I'm not saying that
only women do these things. Men absolutely do them as well, but
since this video is really targeted for women, we're going
to be viewing it in the lens of how we as women do push
behaviors.
So the P stands for pleading, begging, and whining. This is
absolutely what I did when my husband would come home from his
hard day at work. When he would come home and want to go to the
bedroom and just read or disconnect by playing some games
or whatever that looked like, I began to tell myself this is
because he doesn't want to spend time with me. The natural human
reaction in circumstances where someone we love we feel like is
disengaging with us or abandoning us is to plead is to
whine is to cry. It's what we see children do when they have
separation anxiety. Toddlers, when their parents leave them,
they cry because the internal instinct is if you see how much
this hurts me, you will change your behavior, and you will come
back. Let me tell you, friends that is not the way it works in
your marriage. If anything, this only pushes your husband further
away and gets him to shut down even more to where he doesn't
want to give you his attention.
Because it's just too much of the pleading, the begging, and
the whining, it's not getting your needs across in a way that
your husband can hear it. The other way that we can push our
husbands is to become completely unengaged. It's the opposite of
pleading and begging and whining, but it is still a
tactic to try and manipulate our spouse to see us and to care
about what we're doing. That is, by unengaging, by shutting down.
The thought process behind it is if I just ignore you if I just
act like you aren't there, it's a way that we're fighting. It's
a way that we're trying to get our point across. Our hope is
when we do that, you're going to see that I'm not giving you what
you need. You're going to see that I am just totally checked
out. So you're going to come and pursue me.
That doesn't work well either. Because many times number one
your spouse may not even realize lies that that's what you're
doing, even though you and your mind think that this is exactly
what is going to come across in trying to do this. But it could
be if they are so overwhelmed by something happening at work or
something that's going on in their personal life that they
haven't shared with you. They may be totally oblivious. But
you could read that, as See, they don't even care that I'm
not engaging with them that I'm ignoring them. That must mean
that they don't care about our marriage. There's all these
stories that we tell ourselves when we use these tactics, and
most of the time, they aren't right. So unengaging doesn't
work either.
The S stands for starting unnecessary fights. So these
typically happen, because as I said before, the stories that we
have written in our heads, and the fights that we start in our
heads before our husband ever actually comes home, you know,
this in research actually shows that women are more likely to
engage in this kind of behavior. But picture this scenario, so
your husband is doing whatever he's doing, maybe he's out in
the garage, or doing whatever outside mowing the lawn, he's at
work, whatever it is, and in your mind, you're mad about
something, you're mad about the fact that he's not giving you
attention, you're mad about the fact you haven't really talked
in the past week. And so in your mind, you're thinking, You know
what, he's just out there getting all of his alone time,
he doesn't even care how it's affecting me or the family and
you're getting worked up, women have more of a tendency to do
this than men. And you actually begin to start the fight with
your spouse in your head, before they ever come in the door. So
that by the time they come in the door, you're so worked up
about the fact that he's been selfish, and he's done this, and
he's done that, and he's not paying attention to any of your
needs, that when you begin the conversation with him, you're
starting deep into the fight that he didn't even know what's
happening. So we end up starting these unnecessary fights, we end
up starting these fights where our we're blaming and attacking
our husband, instead of actually asking our husband, what's going
on? Is there something that's leading you to disengage,
because that would be so much better. And then the H stands
for hovering, tracking and controlling? This is a set of
behaviors and practices that you may worry yourself into, you may
begin to think you know, what, if he's not paying attention to
me, I bet he's paying attention to other women. And so you try
and break into his email or look into his Facebook, when he's in
the shower. You're getting his phone and trying to hack into
it. Because you're trying to catch him in something.
Let me tell you, that's not going to work either. Even if
you find something, what are you going to do with that
information? Oh, I know what you're going to do. You're going
to show him the phone. And you're going to say, really, you
haven't told me this. But guess what, it's not going to actually
help your marriage get better. I'm not saying you ignore when
your spouse is involved with other people are hiding things
from you. But I'm saying there's a better way to do that. And we
have a separate YouTube video that talks more about that that
you can see a link to in the show notes. But these are the
four things that we do. We plead beg, whine, we unengaged, we
start unnecessary fights. And we hover track or try to control
and guess what they're named push behaviors for a reason?
Because it just pushes our husband even further away. So
what do you do to try and get your husbands attention, we
teach you that inside of the free mini course, you can get
that course by clicking the link on the screen and you will get
access to it. Starting today, you can start going through it
right now. So how do you get your husband's attention? You
stop doing all of these push behaviors and you begin doing
the things that will actually attract your husband back to
you. And we share those things with you in the free mini
course. Comment below, let us know Have you done any of these
behaviors? You don't have to be ashamed. We have all been there.
But guess what, now that you know what they are. Now you can
stop doing them so that you can actually have a better marriage.
Share this with someone you know that might need it and get that
free mini course.