In Berserk’s beautifully painful Lost Children arc, we’re told a story entitled
“Peekaf the Outcast.” As it goes, a boy named Peekaf lived a long time ago in a forest
village. Peekaf had pointed ears and red eyes and was adored by his parents in spite of them,
but the village children were not so kind and took to bullying him and calling him names because of
his strange appearance. With the negatives of his life overtaking the positives, Peekaf decided that
this place could not be called his home with him constantly being treated this way, and that his
parents looking so different from him must have meant that his origin lay elsewhere - that they
weren’t his real mother and father. One night, Peekaf snuck out of his house to try and find
his true home, to find a place where he could live happily. So he journeyed to a forest said
to be a haven for elves, thinking that this may be where he came from. Upon entering, he indeed
saw many that looked exactly like him, and he was delighted to have finally found his home. However,
one of the elves was quick to point out that he wasn’t actually one of them. That he may have had
the pointy ears and red eyes, but he was bereft of the wings that they used to ride upon the wind.
In order to clear things up for Peekaf, another elf told him a short tale. Years prior,
a human man and woman broke the law of their village and brought their baby to
this forest in the hopes of curing him from a disease that had brought him close to death.
They implored them all to save their child through any means possible, and the elves granted
their wish by using their magic to heal the boy. This did the trick and spared the child’s life,
but as a result of it his appearance permanently shifted to that of the elves - minus the wings,
of course. But regardless, the parents were overjoyed, as all that mattered to them was
their son surviving. They then returned to their village with him, crying tears of happiness.
As soon as Peekaf heard this story, he doubled back and headed straight for his village,
realizing his mistake. However, by the time he reached his house, he was far too late. Time
functioned differently in the elven forest, so although he had only been there for a short while,
a hundred years had elapsed in the village. In losing the only people in the world who truly
cared for him without being able to realize this and convey his gratitude, and overlooking
both his old village, completely foreign to him now, and the elven forest, where his humanity
was unwelcome.. Peekaf the Outcast cried and cried, his red eyes swollen even redder.
This is a sobering tale that is implied to be a sort of fantastical fable within Berserk told to
teach children the idea of being grateful for what one has and valuing it, drawing a parallel with
the whole arc in a way in terms of its messages and grim yet mystical tone, as Lost Children is
something of a macabre fairytale. But the core of this fable - the character of Peekaf, what he
learns, and how he gets stuck between two worlds and cannot find a proper place for himself in
either, draws a lot of parallels with much bigger aspects of this story, and the message leaves a
lasting impact on Berserk in so many ways. During the arc, Peekaf is first compared to Puck due to
the latter seeming to be a deviant elf in Rosine’s eyes trying to lead Jill astray. And later on,
some more significant parallels are directly drawn between Peekaf and Rosine herself, who,
like the boy, is literally in between two worlds after having undergone her transformation through
sacrificing her parents. She cannot be accurately described as a human anymore, but neither is she
the elf she claims to be. And so she doesn’t belong to either world anymore, not really.
Rosine’s views of the world and herself were warped by the circumstances of her
upbringing - having been abused by her father and exposed to all sorts of horrible things, having
only known pain and violence and having constantly dreamed of a world beyond all of that. She chose
to run to try and become someone else, somewhere else. And she could not escape the reality of this
world being permeated by suffering and pain, so she changed the complexion of that pain to
something childlike and innocent, leading to her strange sense of morality and self-righteousness
as she carried out her goals to lead to her perfect world. She’s twisted beyond repair,
doing all sorts of evil things while believing that it’s all fine, that she’s in the right
and that it’s only the world that is wrong. After lashing out and overstepping her bounds,
Guts takes care of her, and just like Peekaf, as she descends dying, in her dream-like state,
Rosine thinks back to her parents and wonders if they’re worried about her, ever so slightly
hinting at the idea that maybe she regrets having done what she did, and that maybe she
didn’t value treat reality like she should have, despite her father’s inhumane abuse. I don’t
believe that this is in any way her or the story forgiving her father or whitewashing what he did,
but rather more of a symbolic representation of the idea that regardless of how broken it was,
that was her home and truth, and escaping through these dark fantasies was never going to get her
anywhere in the long run. She would never really belong and the world’s cruelty would always be
there no matter what she did. To be fulfilled she would have to accept reality, live with it,
fight and try to find some light within the misery, as Jill sets out to do. But Rosine
was never able to do that, and her mistaken impressions are given away early on as she
compares herself to a quote unquote real version of Peekaf because of the idea that in her opinion,
she, like him, belongs in the world of the elves. But the whole point of the story is that Peekaf
never actually belonged there. It’s all a through-provoking, sad, emotional dynamic that
provides a great dimension to Lost Children. But while this comparison is very fitting,
I think the most all-encompassing parallel that can be drawn is between Peekaf and… Guts.
One one hand, we have Peekaf the outcast, whose biggest mistake was not realizing what he truly
had until it was gone. And on the other, we have Guts, who states on multiple occasions that he
himself doesn’t realize the beautiful things he has until it’s too late - with one such occasion
being when he realizes that his place in the Band of the Hawk as the leader of the Raiders
was the home he was looking for his entire life - a revelation that is tragically brought to light
far too late during a time in which the terrible wheels of fate had begun to turn to lead the Band
towards their inevitable doom. And the second occasion where he is forced to confront this
fact is at the beginning of the Conviction arc, where he curses his choice to leave Casca behind,
lamenting his constant tendency to not realize the things he has until they’re gone or it’s too late.
As Godo tells him, “Don’t abandon what you can’t replace.“ Flora later states upon their meeting
that his malice is what carries him forward and empowers him.. but it also makes his sword blunt,
it also chains him down and shackles him from living in service of what he truly desires.
And even though he is with his loved one, he is not truly present
when preoccupied with such reckless fantasies. So his struggle here is learning to wholly,
fully protect and empower himself through that responsibility. To treat the things he values
the way they should be treated and stay true to them, which he failed to do prior to this.
In addition, Peekaf finds himself stuck in between the human and elf worlds, dwelling between the two
while not belonging wholly in either after time had elapsed. And this is exactly what Guts is like
post-Eclipse, locked in what the Skull Knight describes as the interstice,
having escaped the claws of death yet still being marked by the brand of Sacrifice and being pursued
by all manner of supernatural terrors in between the Astral world and the physical human realm.
This perpetual trial to stave off these demons and his constant run-in with Apostles puts him on
a separate plane from the rest of humanity, but neither is he fully in the otherworldly Astral
realm either. Yet, if he were not pursuing a literal god for revenge, there would be ways
for him to settle down and find a way to live - elven dwellings such as Godo’s cave or any similar
place to ward off spirits, help from friends, magic talismans introduced by Flora to ward off
the malevolent spirits and prevent possession, similar objects with the same purpose, simply
doing what he has been doing so far minus the chasing of the one who so cruelly betrayed him.
He would still be pursued, but there are ways around that and it is strongly implied that
the thing preventing him from moving on is not the demons that try to take him,
but his own ideals and attitude after having experienced the Eclipse. His hatred that he cannot
let go of. His dark beast that he tries to ignore. His vengeance spurs him on towards that side of
the world and situates himself in between realms just like Peekaf, and so in using this analogy,
his vengeance is the prime factor that causes him to be lost, just as Peekaf’s desire for a true
family despite having had that in the first place was his. In both cases, our character yearns,
deeply desires for something beyond to satisfy a fervent urge inside them without pausing
to take a look at the nature of the source of that urge, which would help them see that what
they seek will not bring them fulfillment at all, and that they will lose so much as they
leave their past and the things that really matter behind in their wake. The problem for Guts is not
necessarily that he is in between two realms - it is the reason that he finds himself in between two
realms combined with his unwillingness to move on, focus on the right things and seek peace.
But as the story trudges forward, that attitude starts to fade and weaken quite beautifully.
The tale of Peekaf concludes with him having realized his mistake all too late and breaking
down into tears, with no consolation. But Guts’ story is not one that ends with him
being doomed to a similar sadness. He makes the choice in Conviction to fight to protect
rather than destroy. He bears his heaviest burden yet, defending the one he loves while dealing with
immense difficulties in and outside of himself. He finds himself a family, one that sticks with him
and takes on his struggles as well. He then grows from there to spurn his inner demons and stay
human, as difficult as it may have been, with the help of those around him. He stops
trying to ignore the dark beast and instead conquers his darkness with invaluable help.
And.. in the midst of the one he reviles, he does not succumb to rage, but instead
backs away in service of a more important goal. Things will never be the same and as he says,
even if you force back what was lost, it still won’t be the way it was. But the past is gone,
and he continues to forge a future for himself. He pains, but endures. Eventually,
amidst much difficulty, the one he loves most returns to him. It is tough at first, but they
have all the time in the world to heal. And he keeps on living. And things slowly get better.
For what seems like the first time ever, he can thank the world for not being quite as cruel as
it could have been, and allowing him the chance to fully embrace the irreplaceable things he does
have. His new life gives him a place to call home, and his feelings of revenge begin to fade as he
slowly draws himself back - not through choosing the plane of the humans, because both the friends
he’s made and the experiences he’s had would make that impossible. But through finding a spiritual,
more abstract home to settle in, as an outcast surrounded by fellow outcasts in a place in
his life where he can truly, finally find peace. Perhaps symbolically, the world has caught up to
him after the convergence of the realms brought forth Fantasia, and it is not pure chance that
this coincides with him finding his place. Guts is someone that always clung to something as a
crutch for one reason or another. Whether it be conflict and his sword because it was all he knew,
or Griffith and his dream because of how brightly he shone, or his own ideas of becoming a friend
to him, or revenge because it helped him shut out his suffering. But now, he has matured,
accepted the world, his sorrow and grief, and learned about how he can find a way to struggle
to live. Not just exist and endure, but live. He is by no means completely through with his sorrow
and he will likely never be free of all of the pain, because how could anyone in his situation
ever make that sort of clean cut after what he experienced? But Guts is the last person in the
world to expect life to be perfect and painless, and he is ready to move on, be free of those
shackles and try to walk away from rather than towards the abyss. He finally catches back up to
the lesson he taught to Jill after we first hear about Peekaf, with friends and love surrounding
him as he takes on this new challenge of… simply living, in a world for which that in itself is
desperately difficult. And while I did say that he was now in a group of fellow outcasts, the story
implies that Peekaf only became one because he had nowhere to go to, no home or place to belong.
But that can’t really be said about Guts anymore, can it? Maybe for the first time, he is an outcast
no longer. And while Peekaf wasn’t so lucky, maybe if he takes things day by day and focuses on what
really matters, the struggler will finally be able to rest. Many thanks for watching.