- [Narrator] Welcome to another Reddit Relationships video.
This video will contain one story.
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if you would like to read the comments on this story.
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- [Story Teller] My wife cheated on me with my best friend
for two months this year, March and April.
She had sexual relations with him 12 times.
She told me she stopped with him because she felt guilty.
She didn't tell me until three weeks ago.
She apologized to him for ending their affair in June
before even telling me about it.
I realize how much she has disrespected me so far.
She hasn't seen him since June.
I believe her, even though my trust in her is shattered,
but still, I believe her.
I can not explain why.
Perhaps because she doesn't return home late
at 1:00 AM anymore, like she did back in March and April.
I am seeking advice here today
to see whether I should forgive her
and try to rebuild our relationship, or just move on.
If this was a one-time moment of weakness,
I could potentially forgive it immediately.
I understand desire and attraction, but 12 times?
That's a choice, not a mistake,
and she has the audacity to tell me she felt guilty
after each one.
We have been married for five years so far,
but have known each other for 10 years.
For the last five years, she has suffered because of me,
mentally and emotionally, not physically,
because of my mental health issues,
mainly depression and laziness.
I have been unemployed for the last six years
and she has been taking care of me
and being somewhat a good wife up to this point.
I haven't been the best possible husband I could be.
I realize that.
But the guy she cheated on me with is unemployed too
and has been for a few years as well.
The biggest difference between myself
and my former best friend is that he's a Jehovah's witness
and I'm not.
She told me she fell in love with him
because of his extensive knowledge of the Bible scriptures
and spending too much time with him.
She hasn't cheated on me since April this year
but it took her seven months to come clean.
For seven months, she made me believe that all she did
was kiss him on the cheek.
My wife deserves better than me. I know that.
For the last six years,
I have been a useless member of society, unemployed and lazy
and playing video games all day,
all because of my mental health issues
and just pure laziness, but I'm going to work
on all these issues, one step at a time.
I've already booked an appointment with a therapist,
but still I feel like no one deserves to be cheated on.
This pain sucks.
I spoke to her religious leaders a few times
before trying to fix our marriage.
While she cheated behind my back,
her brother-in-law is an elder,
so what in this religious organization,
and he warned her and she ignored him and ignored me.
I haven't told anyone that she has cheated on me yet,
especially not her brother-in-law, because once I do,
shit will hit the fan for her.
She could potentially be kicked out.
I want to speak to the elder again and tell him the truth,
even though my wife doesn't want me to.
The wife says she wants to start rebuilding our relationship
but it will take time.
I am not sure what I want.
I know the affair happened seven months ago, but to me,
it still feels fresh, like it happened three weeks ago,
so I'm not sure what I currently want,
hence why I'm here today,
seeking advice from you lovely bunch.
Six years of playing video games instead of working.
I guess this is a wake up call.
She probably should have divorced you a long time ago
but chose to find an escape from a very sad life
in a hurtful way.
It's probably best for all of you to move on separately.
You have a lot of work to do.
Edit, clearly this religious community is a farce.
Maybe your wife is causing your mental health to suffer,
not the other way around.
Please stop being so hard on yourself.
Nobody ever deserves to get cheated on ever.
You cannot help that you have depression,
just like someone couldn't help if they had cancer
or any illness.
You deserve so much better. Get a divorce and begin again.
You cannot help that you have depression.
You also cannot spend six years playing video games
and letting your wife work and do everything.
I've had severe depression and I still worked, parented
and was a good partner to my wife, and I did the work
and I am better.
I'm not saying she was right to betray him
but he needs to get his shit together.
Sorry, you're going through this, brother,
especially with losing your wife and your best friend.
Having gone through an affair,
I can tell you the first thing you need to work on is you.
You need to get your self respect back.
Don't talk about how beaten down or unworthy you are.
Don't make excuses for her.
She's an unethical liar and cheater,
who totally disrespected you
and herself with her religious hypocrisy.
The fact that she felt bad for the other guy
but not bad enough for you to tell you for seven months
tells you what you need to know.
Regardless of your current circumstance,
you don't deserve to be cheated on
and she doesn't respect you.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but it's what I needed to hear
before I wasted another year of my life forgiving her,
only to have her cheat again,
because she simply didn't love me
and it was easy for her to compartmentalize.
I understand if you feel like you need to forgive.
Do what is right for you to be at peace in your heart
but whatever you do, find a way to get therapy,
whether it's couples counseling, or just for you.
Therapy helped me immensely
and it's the best decision I ever made.
I hope you get your self-respect back
and can find a way to move forward and be happy, brother.
This is hard, man.
You both were in a tough position, in terms of happiness.
She probably cheated because she wasn't attracted
to a man with no determination,
and the other guy had something that was engaging to her,
at least for that time span, but in all honesty,
I think you should leave.
Let this be the time to pick yourself up
and become self-sufficient.
I think you will be much happier
and I wouldn't leave with a scene.
Just casually call it off and somehow let it slip
to the community and leave her to answer questions.
Seems to me like you don't hate her,
so I think you would regret
possibly ruining her religious life.
Let her do that on her own.
Her life will catch up to her one day.
No one deserves to be cheated on.
If you truly are, as you said, and was mentally
and emotionally absent or abusive, lazy or whatever,
then what you deserve is, at worst, her separating from you
or leaving you.
Even then, you do not deserve to be cheated on.
Things to do immediately, expose the affair.
This is to protect yourself.
Tell her brother-in-law, her parents, your parents,
all the friends.
If the affair partner has a wife, tell her too.
Her getting kicked out is just a consequence of her actions.
Your responsibility first and foremost is to yourself.
Expose the affair, so when asked,
she won't be able to lie about you being physically abusive
and press false domestic charges.
You do not need the headache on top of the shit show
you are going through now.
Call a lawyer.
Consult and see what are the options moving forward.
File for divorce. Reconciliation or not, file it.
If you decide to stick it out, then just drop it.
If not, then let it go through without wasting months again
to be legally separated.
Eat, sleep, and live healthy.
This is for protecting yourself mentally.
Get yourself a therapist for your mental illness
and find a damn job if you can.
- [Story Teller] A relationship without trust is better off
not being a relationship at all.
I was cheated on four times
and each time he promised to change to change to no avail.
It's so hard and I'm so sorry
that you're in this horrible situation.
It's so awful and no one should feel this pain,
though many do.
You will be okay, though it may not seem that way.
I would suggest a divorce,
because how do you fix a broken foundation
without ripping the entire building down?
I wish you the best of luck.
- [Narrator] Thank you for watching.
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This concludes this Reddit Relationships video.