Today we're topping tots.
Let's talk about tot.
( music playing )
Good Mythical morning.
We've got a bonkers show for you today.
I'm gonna be quizzed on the "Fantastic Beasts" trailer,
and we're gonna be playing a mouth-expanding version
of "The Newlywed Game"
with Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher.
But first, something very important happened
a couple of days ago you probably didn't even know about.
- Mm-hmm. - But your friend's brother who kinda can play bass
and keeps inviting you over to jam out
with him in his parents' garage definitely does.
That's right,
7-Eleven is now selling tater tots
with a freaking toppings bar!
Link:
You can get ten tots for a dollar
or 25 for $2, not a sponsor.
After that, you can load them up
with all the nacho fixings from their nacho bar
or the hot dog fixings from their hot dog bar,
which is right next to the nacho bar.
But 7-Eleven's got a lot more
than just the nacho and the hot dog toppings...
- That's right. - ...for fixings.
When you consider their entire store,
there's lots of potential toppings
for these new tater tots, Rhett.
There's a lot in a 7-Eleven.
So here's what we wanna do.
We wanna find out how far can we elevate tots
using anything and everything 7-Eleven's gots.
It's time for...
So, again, we are limiting ourselves to just ingredients
from a 7-Eleven.
And we're seeing if our new creations tot or not.
Mm-hmm, so first up, we've combined
the only two things your four-year-old nephew
is willing to eat to make...
pizza tots, AKA "potatza."
Here they are, look at that.
Ooh, "purty."
It's pepperoni pizza toppings
slathered over the top of all of the tots,
which are hidden underneath.
We just bought 24 tots.
First of all, why is this in a hot dog container?
Our local 7-Eleven
doesn't yet have a specialized container for their tots.
They're kinda confused as to what the tots go in.
I think they're just waiting to see if it catches on,
then there'll be a tot container.
It'll probably look exactly like the hot dog container.
So we just bought two slices of pepperoni pizza,
went out back, scraped all of the toppings off,
slapped 'em on top of our tots,
and then ate the crust just as an appetizer.
Next to the dumpster.
You can meet friends back there.
I made a lot of friends at the dumpster.
Dink it--
Oh, yours is really all over the place.
I mean, it's like pizza, but you're replacing the bread
with tater tot.
How could that go wrong?
It's a tad dry.
I would recommend adding some ranch
- over the top. - But we didn't do that!
Go back over to the bar and... ( blows raspberry )
I mean, yeah.
If you're already at 7-Eleven
making the decision to get tater tots,
this is probably gonna seem like a good idea to you anyway.
- So... - Does it tot or not?
- Link:
Heck yeah, it tots.
Next, they're not just scared children
from upstate New York, they're also a delicious snack,
Buffalo chicken tots, AKA tot wings.
- Okay. - What have we done here?
Again, we started with our bed of 25 tots...
- Uh-huh. - ...and then we ordered hot wings.
They actually have bone-in hot wings there.
We cut some of the hot wing off.
This is a hot wing piece.
And then they also have this thing
called the Buffalo Chicken Roller,
which is a chicken log
that is buffalo-flavored
that is on the hot dog roller.
Yeah, you're telling me you've never gotten one of these?
No, but I've been really tempted to.
Here's a nice cross-section of it.
And we chopped all that up, put it on top of the tots,
and then we also got into those big containers of ranch
and hot sauce and pumped ourselves out some of that.
- Right, so I'm getting that... - Hold on, hold on.
- Sauce! - Well, I wanted to dip it.
No, let me sauce it up, man.
Okay, go.
I'm the buffalo expert over here.
This is how you gotta do this.
Okay, okay.
- Oh, yeah, drizzle-drizzle. - You gotta Wolfgang Puck this.
Now... this is what was missing from our pizza tots.
- Uh-huh. - A little sauce-age.
And by "sauce-age" I mean "sauce... age."
Now, this is harder to drizzle.
More of a ploppage than a drizzle.
But I wanna make sure I get a little bit of everything.
Oh, yeah, you can do it.
You can re-dip.
I got no problem with re-dipping.
Now, one of the things we're noticing
is that the tots are not staying together very well.
And Josh pointed out to us that they do not have a fryer
at the 7-Eleven, so they get them shipped to them fried,
and then they just warm them up in this toaster oven.
A good tot should be refried.
You're gonna dip again?
- No. - Dink it.
Thought about it.
Wow, that's good.
- Mm-hmm. - This is really good.
Again, once you get that ranch and that sauce...
You put hot sauce and ranch on a turd, you'll eat it.
- And like it. - Yeah.
And love it.
But...
Which we're doing tomorrow, so come back.
It's really bringing out the "tot-ness."
Can you feel the "tot-ness?"
That should be the theme of your prom this year...
"Can you feel the 'tot-ness?'"
Not without consent.
So does it tot or not?
-
This next one's for all the truckers
and "Call of Duty" players out there.
7-Eleven is great at greasy snacks
and caffeinated beverages,
so we have combined the two
with energy tots.
- Oh, gosh. - Oh, yeah,
keep you out there on the road.
They look so simple and normal.
Just looks like tots, right?
- Wrong. - Deceiving!
25 tots, we've grabbed a coffee,
a Rockstar, a 5-Hour Energy shot
and poured all three over these tots.
These are gonna be good.
I mean, you can see the liquid
- starting to creep out of the bottom there. - Ugh!
But you know what? That's not enough.
Bring in the SToK!
- Yeah, believe it or not... - I did not know this existed.
...they also have these coffee--
these caffeine shots called SToK!
- Let me see a SToK. - SToK has 40 milligrams of caffeine!
- Did you know this was a thing, man? - No.
- "Warning..." - "Warning limit, two a day."
- Okay. - Oh, snap.
So I'm gonna take a soaked tot.
Oh, you're gonna do that?
- Dang, son. - I'm getting stoked, bro.
Oh, oh, whoops.
( laughter )
You got over-stoked.
You can't over-stoke the flames.
I gotta dig it out.
I'll tell you, the thing that I've learned is that...
7-Eleven is a real bastion of health food.
I'm about to get stoked, bro!
Let me get stoked with you.
I lost the part.
The part that went in the SToK just instantly dissolved.
Now you gotta get stoked.
Put it down and get stoked with me, bro.
It's like acid.
It's acid to a freakin'...
Let's get stoked together.
All right, I gotta get both ends
of my stoked tot.
Dink it and SToK it.
Ugh!
What is that sweetness, is that from the 5-Hour Energy?
It could also be the Rockstar.
Oh, the Rockstar!
What happened to my voice?
Oh, no, my voice has changed permanently!
It's like helium.
Oh, gosh.
Mm, man!
My vocal cords have been stoked!
Ugh.
Oh, I broke my fork.
You got so stoked!
Like, "Ugh!"
I'm too freaking stoked!
Give me out of this 7-Eleven!
- Your hand's bleeding. - Before I break something.
No, it's not, man. Even if it is, I'll drink it!
This is crazy! This is good!
- Yeah, these are great. - This is some good tots!
Let's eat some more.
No.
Tot or not?
Both:
At this point, you probably wouldn't be surprised
to find out that 7-Eleven has sushi.
- And I'll bet it's great. - You're gonna hate these, Link.
It's sushi tots!
- Yes. - Oh, gosh.
Tot and raw.
Okay, again, we got our bed of tots.
- "Tot-ushi." - And then we took California rolls.
So they don't actually have, like, sashimi.
They don't have like raw fish.
At least that's not what we have.
- Okay, that's good. - We got California rolls,
and then we're gonna put some, again--
typically, you would just put these bites together,
but I feel like, given the nature of this,
I'm just gonna just generally...
Oh, you're putting wasabi over the...?
I'm just drizzling.
Plop.
Plop. Plop.
Every drop gets a reaction.
Why is the was-- plop...
...wasabi not even-- plop...
- Green? - ...green?
'Cause it's from 7-Eleven.
Actually, you know what?
Some wasabi at fine sushi restaurants...
- The paste is not green? - ...is not green.
And then I'm just gonna douse it
'cause it's not salty enough.
Oh, gosh.
With some soy sauce.
And you know what? You want the ginger on it
or you want the ginger as a palate cleanser?
Neither.
- ( laughter ) - Okay.
Now, they do not serve--
they don't have chopsticks.
They don't serve chopsticks.
So you're gonna have to bring your chopsticks
into your 7-Eleven.
They won't ask any questions.
You wanna get a little piece of roll and you wanna get a tot.
- Oh, yeah. - And you wanna get some of that brown wasabi,
which I've already got some on there.
Oh, crap, I got a lot of wasabi.
I know, I've got a lot of everything.
Uh...
- Need some of this ginger. - Not good.
Not good at all!
The ginger helps.
You taste nothing but ginger.
- ( grunts ) - I wanna experience it for the people.
Plus, I don't like ginger.
But you know what? This is pretty bad, so it may help.
Oh, man, this is good at clearing me out.
Oh, my goodness, this is not good, guys.
Again, you have to put yourself
in the frame of mind of someone who makes their sushi choices
at 7-Eleven, okay?
You gotta go back to that place,
that place of innocence.
Well, if I do that,
it's still bad.
Okay, all right, then now we know.
-
Now, before your workout,
you eat the energy tots from earlier,
but then, after the workout,
you eat protein tots.
Do you even tot, bro?
- Look at this. - Ugh.
Packed full of protein.
Enough to build your muscles for days.
We got almonds, jerky, Slim Jims, Quest Bars,
"Mer-trics" Big 100 Colossal Bar.
I think "MET-Rx."
- MET-Rx. - Yeah.
- That's what I said. - That's what you said.
Luna Bars and Complete Cookies.
Basically, everything from the protein aisle in your 7-Eleven.
I don't know if a fork is gonna do this justice,
I feel like you gotta build a bite on a cookie.
What the crap?
What is this?
Here, you take half of this cookie platform.
What is that?
That's the Big 100.
Put some meat on top of it.
Oh, gosh.
I got an almond already.
I'm making like an hors d'oeuvre.
Don't forget the tots, though.
They're easy to forget.
Yeah, see what I've got here,
I've got a tot and a Colossal.
If you finish this entire thing,
much like 7-Eleven, your butthole will be open 24 hours.
So don't do that.
- Oh, gracious. - Just take a bite.
Share it with the family.
Oh, my wha-gosh, Rhett.
"Oh, my wha-gosh!"
- That's you! - "Oh, my wha-gosh!"
That sounds like a catchphrase from,
- like, a cartoon character. - Goofy.
- Goofy. - No, like one that doesn't exist.
( cartoon voice ) Oh... ( blabbers ) gosh, Rhett.
You gonna put all that in your mouth?"
I'm not.
It's just a platform to get...
I'm putting all this in my mouth.
...most of it in there.
Oh, you get that cookie...
- It's not horrible. - ...and the meat.
The problem is the meat and the cookie together
is really weird.
It's all just kinda becoming one thing to me.
The tater tot becomes a binding agent.
Don't think about the separate ingredients.
Just think about protein.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Oh, my wha-gosh!
- It's not that bad! - It isn't that bad.
- It really isn't. - But isn't that good either.
Oh, my gosh.
You could go around...
to all the gyms.
You know what this needs? It needs a little SToK!
Let's bring the SToK back.
Whoop!
Just a little bit of SToK for me.
Oh!
I don't think you're supposed to drink that straight.
Mm-mm, very strong.
- I think it's an additive. - I'm getting swole, though.
This is overcoming so many expectations.
I'm gonna say, does it tot or not?
It tots!
Link:
Rhett:
So now you know what to top
or not to top your tater tots with
next time you find yourself in a 7-Eleven.
Now, before we finish, we wanna take some time
to bring some attention to these Marshall County Strong bracelets
that we're wearing in honor of Bailey Holt
who was killed earlier this year in a high school shooting
in Marshall County, Kentucky.
Her dad sent us these bracelets
and told us that Bailey watched the show every single day.
She was a true Mythical Beast.
And we're also wearing the bracelets in solidarity
for everyone taking part in the March For Our Lives
this Saturday, March 24th.
Yeah, March For Our Lives, of course,
is a march on Washington created by,
inspired by, and led by students across the country
who are demanding that action be taken to stop
the epidemic of mass school shootings,
with similar marches happening all across America.
So you can...
Thanks for being your Mythical best.
Now, click on through to see me quiz Link
about the new "Fantastic Beasts" trailer.
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Go to Amazon.com/Mythical.