The brain, like a computer, is complex.
But it's also simple.
The brain loves efficiency.
It loves to create links and associations
to streamline the process of thinking to acting.
And it's these associations,
which dictate our behavior.
For example, In Pavlov's dog study,
what he found is that any event or any item,
That was associated with food,
even the sound of the footsteps of him or his lab assistant,
would cause his dogs to salivate.
And we are no different than these dogs.
If we are terrified of snakes because we associate snakes with danger,
we wear tall boots, and we jump into the air
when we see a stick that looks like a snake.
If we associate loosing ourselves with relationships and love,
Then in relationships we will push our partners away
and become emotionally avoidant.
Most of these associations, are in fact subconscious.
So, we're completely unaware of them.
A Simple Technique To Change Your Negative Associations
Each and every one of us is full of these associations.
And some of these associations that we form benefit us,
others don't benefit us.
Obviously if what we really want is a relationship
but we associate relationships with loosing ourselves,
then that association is going to run counter
to what it is that we want.
But there is a solution.
The solution is to change the associations.
Before I teach you how to do this I must say
that any tool you use could be used for harm
and it could be used for good.
We could create a negative association in our minds
so as to overcome an addiction, which benefits us,
or we could create a negative association in our minds
so as to prevent us from something good.
Which harms us.
To the opposite side we could create a positive association in our minds
so as to help us achieve success, which benefits us.
Or we could create a positive association in our minds,
so as to force us to gravitate towards something that is detrimental to us.
This obviously harms us.
This tool should not be used as a tool of denial,
escapism, self avoidance, self resistance,
or controlling and manipulating someone else.
A person can do a lot of damage
when they're using this power of replacing associations
so as to intentionally cause somebody's behavior to change.
Cult trainers do this all the time.
It is the hallmark of conditioning.
A while ago I was working with a woman
who had a super violent and alcoholic father.
And when he would get into his drunken rage fits,
he would often smash his beer bottles in the house.
Now what happened is she formed an association
between the sound of breaking glass,
and being beaten.
So whenever the sound of broken glass would occur,
this woman would have a panic attack.
She would start to hyperventilate,
and even to the extent where she would pass out.
Obviously this type of association doesn't benefit you.
Because what do you do when you're out on a date,
and you've gone to dinner, and a server drops a glass?
Or what do you do when your a Mom and your kids are in the house,
and they drop a glass?
She can't be hyperventilating, having a panic attack
and passing out in those scenarios.
I guess she could, but doesn't really want to.
And we could consider this to be an association
which is detrimental to her life.
So what we did is to change the association.
What we did was to help her come up with a different,
believable and positive association with that very same sound.
This woman loved disney movies,
and she especially related to snow white.
So what she thought about was,
maybe the sound of breaking glass could be when snow white is in the coffin,
If the glass breaks it's almost like she's being broken free
of this negative spell.
and she's being rescued by her prince.
and is going off to live a life, that is totally safe from harm.
So we practiced to form a different association
between the sound of breaking glass,
and that experience of feeling set free
and rescued as if by a prince,
and ready to start a new life that is free from harm.
You can do this with any kind of situation.
To do this, just pick some negative association you have in your life
that is negatively impacting your life.
Try to recognize what the trigger is.
For that association to be set off,
and the behavioral impulses that follow that trigger.
Then, think of some other positive association
you could form with that same trigger.
Pick something that is particularly impactful
and moving and powerful for you specifically.
I find that we get the most success with this,
when people pick something which they find to be the most believable
and compelling for themselves as individuals.
Close your eyes and recognize the reaction
that this negative association creates within you.
Such as, thought, feelings, sensations or images.
Imagine yourself in that very scenario.
You wanna see it first from third person perspective,
as if you're watching yourself, like a fly on the wall.
And then in first person perspective.
Now, recognize the reaction that you have
to the new positive thing you chose.
What does it cause in you?
Such as feelings, thoughts, sensations and images.
Imagine yourself in that very scenario,
see it first from third person perspective,
as if you're watching yourself, like a fly on the wall.
And then, in first person perspective.
Now that you've done that,
I want you to imagine a color.
Pick any color under the sun,
but especially a color that helps you feel
like your brain is being reset or cleared.
another alternative that you can use to picking a solid color to focus on,
is to imagine that you have a dry eraser,
and imagine taking that dry eraser,
and watching yourself, erase the thoughts or the images
that are occuring within your mind.
Whatever it takes to create a blank slate,
or else, a reset.
Now you want to imagine the first negative association state.
For the woman in my example
this would be experiencing a situation where glass breaks.
Imagine it happening in first person perspective.
When holding the image and imagining the experience,
begins to intensify the feelings and sensations in your body,
Immediately imagine the image of the positive replacement association
coming in to quickly and aggressively replace the negative scene.
For the woman in my example,
this would be the image of a glass coffin breaking
from third person perspective.
Once it has completely taken over the negative scene,
experience that positive scene in first person perspective.
For the woman in my above example,
this would be to fully imagine being inside that coffin
and the sound of glass shattering,
being the sound of the coffin breaking open,
so she is set free and rescued as if by a prince.
And ready to start a new life that is free from harm.
Spend a few minutes really getting that experience in your whole body.
Feel it settling into your cells.
Now again, you want to imagine a color,
or else a dry eraser,
So that you can feel like the slate of your mind is wiped clean.
And as if you have had a reset.
Then, repeat this process,
with imagining yourself in that negative association scene,
in first person perspective,
And once you have that it begins to intensify the emotions,
imagine an instantaneous switch,
with that positive association or scene,
and once that comes up,
after you have seen it completely in third person perspective
as if you're observing it, switch into first person perspective.
Completely experience what that positive association state feels like
somatically in your body,
in first person perspective
and deeply.
Do this eleven different times,
making sure that each time, in between doing this,
You go back to that technique, where you reset yourself,
or clear the slate, by imagining a single color,
or else using your dry eraser to erase
the thoughts and images occuring in your mind.
The new association has been made.
And not only made, has been converted into the subconscious mind.
It is no longer possible for that old negative association
to have the kind of subconscious power
and to create the automatic reaction that it once did.
So from here, your job is quite simple.
Every time you encounter that same trigger,
That created that negative association in the past,
you use that as a kind of bell,
indicating, wait, right at this minute this is an opportunity
to re-enforce that new link that I have to the positive association state.
So that the minute that you encounter that same trigger,
for the negative association,
You instantaneously and consciously,
call up the image, of whatever positive association replacement
you decided upon, and get yourself as deep into that experience.
In first person perspective, as you possibly can.
For the woman in my above example,
any time a glass broke, she would use it as a trigger
to intentionally and immediately close her eyes and imagine
being inside that coffin and the sound of glass shattering,
being the sound of the coffin breaking open,
so she is set free and rescued as if by a prince.
and ready to start a new life that is free from harm.
In this womans case,
after she'd practiced this in one sitting eleven times,
she was able to not go into a panic attack.
When glass broke, the first time it broke,
her body got tense,
But she didn't go full blown into a state on anxiety.
With further practice, now today,
I can report that she's got into a place
where she's actually looking forward to the trigger.
Why? Because because every time a glass breaks now,
she sees that as an opportunity to feel
more set free and more set free each time.
Automatic thoughts feelings and behaviors
do not have to have the complete control over your life that they do today.
They don't have to contradict your sense of free will.
So the good news is,
these automatic associations,
that have dictated a lot of the pain in your life,
they don't have to be forever.
And we can change them out for positive ones.
Have a good week.
Transcribed by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com