[Phreak] I actually got a VR headset for free.
I can't use it though. They don't have a computer powerful enough
- to run the damn thing. - Little warning about VR.
- Yeah. - Do not put them on your dog.
Learned that the hard way. RIP Frodo Doggins.
[whispering] It's like a sweaty Lord of the Flies out there.
- Ron! - What?
- Yeah? - It's a hundred degrees in here.
- Uh-huh. - Tell me we're close to
getting the game back online.
[stammering] We're close to getting the game back online.
- Are we really though? - I don't know.
You just told me to say that, so I said it.
- Fix my tournament Ron! - OK! I'm trying!
You think I'm not trying to fix it? I'm trying to fix it.
[Charna sighs]
Please don't starting eating each other.
[ theme ♪ ]
[Becca] First Blake, now Greg. God! What is up with this team
and the semifinals? [sharp sigh]
[voice from sign] Chad Pussy.
[screaming]
Stupid!
Chad Pussy! Chad Pussy!
[Becca] ...every freakin' time.
[DaveFu] So what the [bleep] are we supposed to do?
[Alt Trash] I can play guys.
[DaveFu] So, what the [bleep] are we supposed to do?
[Becca] I don't know. I'm gonna call Greg again, and see if maybe we can
convince him to come back before the match re-starts.
- ♪ - [cell phone vibrates]
Uh, I will take one mangorita, please.
Oh, and uh, make it a double.
It comes in a big novelty cup. I can get you two mangoritas.
Sure.
♪
[cell phone vibrates]
♪
[Phreak] We are back after a brief delay our semifinal match is ready to begin again.
Sorcerer is hoping things go differently this time around.
Although, rookie BluesTraveler has apparently left,
and is being replaced by relative unknown Alt Trash.
[JJ Baberams] You know, Phreak, I don't really know anything about Alt Trash,
but first impression...
There's something about him that I just don't like.
- Just don't fuck up Alt Trash. - Yes sir.
[gameplay voice] 3-2-1. The tale begins.
Let's push forward.
♪
[Phreak] Alt Trash, laning bot solo, moving quickly.
He's deep with a risky early move, but-- Oh wow,
already a quick first blood for Alt Trash on Zealot captain Warholic!
This is a huge early boost for Sorcerer!
- Tommy. - Guy.
Shouldn't you be over at the tournament?
Shouldn't you be at the tournament?
Have you seen the bathrooms in that joint?
When you own a fleet of successful restaurants, you can have an executive [bleep]
put in the back of every single location.
- That sounds horribly inefficient. - Maybe, but I'm a man who loves his bidets.
Anyway, I think you need to be back at the tournament.
[sighs]
I just don't know if playing video games is what I should be doing,
you know I'm a full-grown man... Thank you.
I look on Facebook, and my friends are all married with kids, and they're buying houses.
I... ate peanut M and M's for breakfast.
I think I just gotta take this HR job a friend offered me.
Look, let me tell you something.
I believe if you can find what you truly love doing,
you have to pursue that with everything you are.
Take me for example, right.
I scraped and hustled to play 17 seasons in the NBA.
Also I can afford to pursue my dream of providing families
with affordable, novelty dining.
- No. No. - Hm?
These are usually just a lot of sugar, no alcohol,
and some MSG for some reason, I don't know why.
Wow. Yeah. No wonder I'm not drunk.
Listen, I'm just saying you gotta do what you love.
You're right. You're right. I have to do what I love.
- I'm going to play with Sorcerer. - [giggles] Whoa-whoa,
I, um... I thought you were into the HR thing,
and I was just telling you that, because I...
giving you encouragement to take the job, of course, you know...
- Oh. - [bleep] it. Go ahead.
Oh, I thought... Oh, OK. Probably won't even matter anyway.
Even if Alt Trash gets them through the semis
I can't see us beating Chad... Pussy.
I mean look at him he's...
Wait.
Uh, I gotta go.
Uh, wait, um, who's gonna...
Oh, we're gonna have to take this out of his pay.
DaveFu, go top, heal Alt Trash!
I don't need it. I got my shield buff up.
- Kosmo, I'll cover you! - [JJ Baberams] This is truly surprising Phreak.
Zealot is on the ropes, and they're pushing base!
Sorcerer is going to win the match!
- GG! - [gameplay voice] Victory.
- [applause] - [Sorcerer celebrates]
[audience booing]
[Phreak] And it feels like everyone is booing surprise MVP Alt Trash.
[JJ Baberams] There's just something very hateable about that guy.
[Becca] That was amazing Alt Trash!
[Sauce] That was one of the best matches we've ever played!
[foreign language]
We're in the Finals. Alt Trash, you got us to the Finals.
[bleep] it, you're no longer Alt Trash...
- You're Alt Sma--
- Hey, guys. - Greg's back!
- [Sauce] Just in time for the Finals. - Hey, but I thought I would play.
Shut the [bleep] up Alt Trash.
- I'm sorry man. - [Alt Trash] I had my moment.
[DaveFu] You're not even that old. You're only slightly over middle-aged.
[Greg] I would actually be slightly, under mid... Forget it.
Guys, I have to show you something. You know how Chad always
seems like he knows what the other team is up to?
- Yeah. - Look at this.
- OK, Chad's destroying him. - Not just that. Look at the other players.
You see Beta telling the team to sneak top,
and then Chad quickly looks over at Beta, and then...
Oh, somehow he knows to go top.
- [Becca] He heard him. - Yeah and every match is like that.
He rigged his headset so that he could listen to the other team.
But how are we going to beat Toxic Shock, if they know our rotation the same time we do?
- [ soft ♪ ] - I think I have an idea.
- [music stops] - What?
- [audience cheering] - [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
competing in the Tales of Titan Spring Classic Grand Final: Toxic Shock!
[Chad] What's up? I'm the best! I am the best!
- [Chad] Get off me! - [announcer] Facing off against Team Sorcerer!
♪
[audience still cheering]
[Greg] I should've gone to the bathroom before we started.
♪
It's the match we've all been waiting for.
And it even seems like BluesTraveler has returned to Sorcerer!
[JJ Baberams] That is for the best. Alt trash, ugh... I had a vibe.
It's time to see if Sorcerer can stop what seemed like an unstoppable Toxic Shock.
Hey Ant Girl, time to regret not teaming up with the Pussy.
I've already got my own. Thanks.
Oh-oh come on. Are you serious?
After everything, that one is gonna make you guys uncomfortable?
Seriously, some of the [bleep] you guys say? Forget it!
[gamplay voice] 3-2-1. The tale begins!
[JJ Baberams] And the tale begins. Both teams moving fast out of the gate
as the Grand Final match is underway.
Toxic Shock's spread with Pissbaby laning solo,
while Sorcerer's grouped top!
Baby Frankenstein guy, go through the silly bushes!
- 10-4. - [Chad] What the?
What the [bleep] are the silly bushes?
Slimy Judi Dench-looking hammer guy, do the lightning thing!
Oh wait, wait, wait, I can't understand.
Just try and eavesdrop the Greg speak [bleep].
♪
[Phreak] Sorcerer, moving quick, and catching Toxic with a quick tower take down.
[grunting] [bleep] this! I'm taking base solo.
Someone needs to defend.
Even when he's not cheating, Chad Pussy's too good!
Uh...
- Ignore him. - What?
Well, we keep focusing Pussy, and he keeps beating us one by one.
But Pussy's a troll, right?
So, what's the one way to beat a troll guys?
- By ignoring him. - Exactly.
[DaveFu] Good job Ant Girl.
You know, as a woman you've always shown really great--
Not right now dude. Don't have time for it.
[JJ Baberams] At the worst possible time, Chad has removed his headset,
and as usual does not seem interested in what his teammates have to say!
[Toxic member] Go back to base, 'kay? You're leaving us wide open--
- [bleep] off! I know what I'm doing. - [overlapping arguing]
[audience cheering]
Let's group up, let's push base.
♪
[Phreak] Sorcerer is going for the base right now.
Chad is totally unaware, and he doesn't have enough damage
to take Sorcerer's base on his own!
[overlapping shouting]
[bleep] off! I know what I'm doing doing.
[DaveFu] Push! Push! Push! Push!
[overlapping shouting]
Oh my God!
Push! Push! Push! Push! Come on! Push! Push!
♪
- [gameplay voice] Victory! - [audience cheering]
[both] GG!
♪
Aaah! What? Nooo! This is all your fault!
Stop [bleep] clapping!
[Sorcerer celebrates]
Yes! Yes, indeed.
And we got... Aww, Trifecta baby! California loving!
♪
[Charna] We now present the grand champions,
and $500,000 dollar prize winners,
Team Sorcerer.
- [Greg] Did she say $500,000 dollars? - Yeah.
You didn't tell me that!
[DaveFu] Is Alt Trash married?
[whining] This Chad Pussy's house. I'm the best.
I'm not going nowhere until we have a rematch.
- Glad you came back Greg. - I'm glad I did too Ant Girl.
You know, a wise man once said, that the hook will always bring you back, and...
♪ I ain't tellin' you no lie ♪
Alright, never mind. [bleep] you Chad Pussy!
[crowd cheers]
[Chad] [bleep] you Ant Girl! [bleep] you Team Horser-er!
Chad Pussy!
♪
[gameplay voice] The tale ends.
♪