SO GM LINE-- AND IT'S A VERY NICE BOTTOM LINE-- WE'RE NOT AT
WAR.
WE'RE SO NOT AT WAR THAT THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT THE BRITISH ROYAL
FAMILY.
BRACE YOURSELF: PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE, THE DUKE AND
DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WE INTEND
TO STEP BACK AS 'SENIOR' MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY."
THAT'S RIGHT, HARRY AND MEGHAN ARE STEPPING DOWN AS SENIOR
MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.
I HAVE-- THERE ARE SENIOR LEVELS OF ROYAL.
>> Jon: THEY HAVE LEVELS.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WENT KING, QUEEN, PRINCE AND
PRINCESS, JACK OF SPADES, BOY WIZARD, DUKES OF HAZZARD, AND
THEN CARTOON MOUSE THAT SEWS CINDERELLA'S DRESS.
( LAUGHTER )
STATEMENT, THEY'RE WITHDRAWING FROM SOME OF THEIR OFFICIAL
DUTIES AND NOW PLAN TO BALANCE THEIR TIME BETWEEN THE UNITED
KINGDOM AND NORTH AMERICA.
I SAY, "WELCOME, MEGHAN AND HARRY.
ON BEHALF OF ALL FORMER REBELS AGAINST THE BRITISH CROWN,
YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE DECLARING INDEPENDENCE.
IT COMES WITH FREE SPEECH AND UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TOW LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: DECROWNING THEMSELVES WILL BRING SOME BIG
LIFE CHANGES, BECAUSE IT WILL ALLOW HARRY AND MEGHAN TO WORK
FOR MONEY, SOMETHING THEY CURRENTLY CAN'T DO.
THIS IS GREAT.
SHE'S AN ACTRESS.
THIS MEANS MEGHAN MARKLE CAN GO BACK TO "SUITS!"
AND HARRY CAN SELL THEM AT MEN'S WEARHOUSE!
( LAUGHTER )
BUY A SUIT FROM HIM, SURE!
THIS CAME AS A SHOCK TO EVERYONE.
ONE BBC JOURNALIST REPORTS, "NO OTHER MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY
WAS CONSULTED BEFORE HARRY AND MEGHAN ISSUED THEIR PERSONAL
STATEMENT TONIGHT.
THE PALACE IS UNDERSTOOD TO BE DISAPPOINTED."
OH, DISAPPOINTED.
TRANS: THAT MEANS HER MAJESTY IS
QUEEN ELIZA-PIIIISSSED!