I recently did a video on the anime hit from 2017 called Your Name and today's video will
focus on another hit from the same year, A Silent Voice, also known as The Shape of Voice
or Koe No Katachi.
It's an extremely deep film looking at challenging subjects such as mental health and had a hugely
profound impact on me personally, having discussed topics that hit close to home and are important
to me.
The motivation for this video was that I recently came to realise that for all that I thought
about being accepting of myself, I wasn't actually very self accepting.
Having confided in a friend of mine, she made me come to realise how hard I am on myself,
but also made me think that had I treated others the same way, it would be considered
abusive.
Ironically, YouTube then suggested music from A Silent Voice and I realised similarities
I shared with the lead character in the film, motivating me to create this video.
So, before we look at a Silent Voice, it's worth having a quick recap of the story and
just to confirm, there are spoilers discussed ahead.
The story centers around Shoya and Shouko, the first being a young man who as a child
bullied Shouko for being deaf and in turn suffered years of bullying himself, suffering
social anxiety and depression.
At 18, he chooses to try and build a relationship with Shouko and along the way builds a close
unit of friends with her.
Fundamentally, events unfold in the drama where various mental health issues come to
the fore for the various characters, but the story centers on Shoya who after years being
tormented by anxiety and depression, finally comes to accept himself and move forward in
life.
There is a lot to cover in A Silent Voice, being a deep film with great metaphors using
the legend of the koi fish, the use of the notepad, and it's importance in communication,
as well as various mental health issues covered through the story.
However, rather than doing a complete analysis of the whole film, I wanted to focus on probably
the most prevelant theme of self acceptance, something that I can't understate the importance
of and think needs to be covered in depth.
I will be focusing on Shoya's journey through the story, as while other characters, notably
Shouko, have equally important character arcs to cover, Shoya's is the most in depth and
centred on the subject of self acceptance.
Also, if you do have any mental health issues, please seek help and support, it's a serious
issue for many and isn't something people need to try and contend with alone.
Self Acceptance Vs Self Love
So as we begin, it's worth understanding the distinction between self acceptance and self
love, as while accute it's beneficial to know the subtleties to ensure you don't mistake
one for the other, but importantly, also identify how they benefit you in practice.
Self acceptance is to acknowledge yourself fully, to understand what you're capable of,
but equally appreciate that you have limitations and moments where you won't achieve what you
might set out to from the outset.
Self love is to care for yourself, and more specifically, to treat yourself as you would
a loved one.
We often have a tendency to tyrannise ourselves when we aren't accepting of our failures,
something we wouldn't do to someone we care about if we know their intention was otherwise.
Instead, to love is to forgive and take steps to try and avoid reoccurances.
The reason to understand the distinction is to understand how your behaviour towards yourself
affects you.
Without acceptance, we can't move onto loving ourselves, meaning the latter is predicated
on the former.
While acceptance is to ratify your success or failure in a given endeavour, love is distinctly
about how you treat yourself.
In A Silent Voice, Shoya's journey to the end of the film is almost completely focused
on the idea of self acceptance, as he cannot forgive past actions through the course of
the film until it's very conclusion despite feeling great remorse, at which point he comes
to accept his place in the world, acknowledging his strengths and flaws.
The conclusion suggests that as part of this acceptance, he will follow through with self
love, allowing himself to enjoy his various relationships and to finally stop persecuting
himself over past mistakes.
Why You Need Self Acceptance And Self Love
The effects of not showing yourself acceptance and love can be incredibly hard on you and
your mental health.
Many tend to fall into a state of depression in the way they treat themselves and this
often leads to damaging consequences in their lives.
However, not just depression, anxiety is also closely linked to lack of self acceptance
or love.
For example, those suffering social anxiety might find themselves scrutinising their every
action when trying to deal with any kind of relationship, usually stemming from the fact
that they just don't seem to be able accept themselves and their actions in such situations.
We see this with Shoya in A Silent Voice, as he suffers high levels of social anxiety
as a young adult following years of being bullied.
While others come to accept him, even members of Shouko's family, he himself can never forgive
himself, always feeling the guilt of his past actions.
It leads to depression, as is seen in scenes early on in the film where Shoya is about
to commit suicide, something he continues to try and contend with throughout the film
and doesn't truly overcome until the end, when he finally accepts himself, finally letting
go of the anxiety that gripped him and coming to the realisation not only is he not hated
as he thought, but he can accept the love others have for him, allowing him to move
forward in life in a healthy way.
How To Be More Self Accepting
One of the biggest challenges many, including myself, face is to identify how to be more
self accepting and avoid falling into the pitfalls of becoming self abusive.
In my personal experience, I find the most effective way is to follow a sequence of steps
that helps me focus on objectively reviewing a situation, rather than allowing emotional
response to drive it.
The steps are as follows:
1.
Identify your trigger points: The problem we often face is that when faced with a failure
of some kind, we're quick to get frustrated or angry with ourselves.
In my case, this is often in the form of muttering expletives at myself, in Shoya's it's usually
a more submissive response, to accept blame without acknowledging whether or not he was
wrong.
If you can, try to stop yourself before you start responding emotionally, or at least
as quickly as possible.
We know instantly whether something is a success or not, the problems usually arise when we
don't control the emotional response.
2.
Be mindful Once you've done the first step and caught
yourself from going into an emotional flurry in response to an issue, you need to actively
take steps to mindfully view the circumstance.
This is effectively to detach yourself from the problem, and instead see it for the reality.
For example, when we see Shoya's circumstance in A Silent Voice, he's often taking responsibility
for problems that aren't of his making, and it's something Shouko also struggles with
throughout the film, something that comes to an almost dire outcome near the end.
By being mindful of the problem, whilst removing the emotional response from it, you can move
onto more objective and productive resolutions.
3.
Negotiate your response At this step you need to take steps to treating
yourself with care.
Let's say a family member or friend you deeply care for were to make mistake, you would almost
certainly forgive them and decide what the correct course of action is from here on.
For example, after Shoya saves Shouko from committing suicide, they share in incredibly
important scene where they truly come to understand one another, as Shoya asks Shouko to stop
blaming herself for the problems in their lives.
It's an incredibly loving sentiment from someone who cares deeply for the other.
From here, he asks her to help him to continue to live.
While we're often willing to show forgiveness, acceptance and love to others, we somehow
fail to do it for ourselves.
We need to take time to accept ourselves and not assume blame if we're not at fault, or
at least focus on the responsibility to see change when remorseful.
Here, you can't tyrannise yourself, because most people in such circumstances need to
support and love to guide them to a better place.
4.
Plan a course of action The last step is to plan the corrective course
of action.
In some cases, this might be nothing at all, but for many circumstances, this means to
right your wrongs.
In A Silent Voice, this comes at the end, when Shouko and Shoya attend a school festival
after having numerous issues with their group of friends following preceding events.
This point is a revelatory moment for Shoya, who comes to realise that despite all that's
happened, his friends still accept him, still appreciate him and still love him.
However, the key here was that he took the necessary actions to reach this point.
He took the responsibility to attend the festival rather than run away and he allowed himself
to open himself up and be vulnerable to those around him.
It was incredibly hard, but it was through his actions and self acceptance that he came
to realise that in reality, no one treated him as harshly as he treated himself.
And this is the key in all of this, we often treat ourselves in an abusive way, unwilling
to accept ourselves to see the reality around us.
Through identifying the triggers for an issue, you can stop yourself entering a self destructive
cycle of self hate.
By being mindful of a circumstance, you identify the reality of a situation to be able to assess
in a productive.
Through negotiating with yourself on what an appropriate response is, you no longer
put yourself in a state of tyranny, but rather a more collaborative effort.
Finally, by planning the corrective course of action, you decide on dealing with the
situation in a way that's productive and positive, one where you're compassionate to yourself
whilst being most effective.
My Journey So Far...
The truth is I don't consider myself the most self accepting or self loving person.
However, I'm making progressive steps to care for myself in a way that I would care for
someone I love and I see this being a life long journey for me.
I don't treat those I love as an abusive monster, yet I have done to myself for much of my life.
So I seek to provide support and guidance, to reach a place where I can feel acceptance
and love for myself.
In this respect, the journey Shoya goes through in A Silent Voice feels very much personal
to me.
One where he struggles to accept himself and all he has to offer, but eventually leads
him to a place where he can accept himself for who he is, and accept the love given to
him from others, but most importantly...from himself.
Have you seen A Silent Voice?
Let me know in the comments section below.
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