10 SIGNS OF A DAUGHTER WITH HIGH TRAIT NARCISSISM
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Today's question asks, I can talk about the characteristics of a daughter who is narcissistic
So this is really from the perspective of the mother and father
So I'm going to answer this question by providing the ten signs of a daughter who is narcissistic now
Of course, the number of these signs would also apply to a son one of the presumptions with this list
Of course is that the parents are?
Effective parents they're good parents
They're not treating the daughter poorly because if they were treated art poorly
Some of these signs would really perhaps point to something else and not narcissism
So the behavior I'll talk about in these signs is behavior. I have noticed in my clinical experience
And sometimes we see this in the research literature as well
This doesn't mean that someone is definitely narcissistic if they have one or more of these signs, and it certainly doesn't speak to anything
Related to diagnosing for example
narcissistic personalities were only licensed and qualified
Clinician can assign that diagnosis now when somebody is young narcissism is fairly normal
We expect children to be narcissistic, of course, this would include daughters
but we know as people grow older the narcissism tends to drop and
Usually in daughters, we would expect the narcissism to start dropping fairly significantly by age 18 or 19
Sometimes it takes a little longer
But either way we would expect to see the narcissism and we would expect to see a drop a bit sometimes however the narcissism
Carries on as somebody grows older and sometimes even gets worse
And what this does is really puts a strain on
The relationships that the daughter has including the relationships with the parents
Parents endure narcissism from a daughter more so than they would from like strangers
Of course because that's their daughter. That makes sense
And because they endure this behavior, they're exposed potentially to a lot more damaged from that narcissistic
Relationship so it becomes a really I think tricky issue, right?
nobody wants to give up on their daughter right their daughters narcissistic or
Any number of other personality traits parents want to stick it out. They want to find a way to make that relationship work
No matter what's going on with the daughter
So before I get to the signs are going to briefly describe narcissism in this video these signs relate
Both to grandiose and to vulnerable narcissism the two major types of narcissism. All narcissism is characterized by being
self-centered having a sense of entitlement requiring admiration and having low agreeable, 'us so being
Disagreeable or antagonistic with grandiose narcissism. We see characteristics like being socially dominant
extroverted arrogant resistant to criticism
This is a fairly obvious manifestation of narcissism
And sometimes grandiose is also called overt narcissism the other type as I mentioned is vulnerable here
We see a lot of shame hyper sensitivity criticism being resentful. This is a little harder to say the less obvious
It's also called covert
Narcissism so I mentioned that narcissism starts young and usually continues
For life to some extent and of course as I mentioned it can be severe throughout the lifespan
I tried to order these signs so that the earlier signs line up with behavior
We would expect to see when a narcissistic daughter is younger and the later signs tend to align with behaviors
We'd see as she moves into adolescence and young adulthood. So sign number one that a daughter is narcissistic
This would be constantly wanting and maybe even needing approval
Trying to impress the parents and trying to impress teachers
So this is kind of interesting because there can be a lot of motivation to do
positive things for example
Good grades, right good grades are not necessarily about achievement about actually achieving a good grade for some sort of internal reward
But sometimes it's for the reaction of the teacher and this indicates narcissism
Much more strongly than somebody who does it for an internal reason?
So if a daughter is working for good grades
But the reason she gets those good grades is because she wants that teacher to react that's a crucial part of earning the grades again
That points more toward narcissism good deeds for a narcissistic daughter must be observed. So
Narcissists and non narcissists do good things of course, but the narcissist wants credit
so the narcissistic daughter is always looking to
teachers parents siblings
grandparents cousins
Friends to show them their good deeds to show them. What a good job
They did again specifically to acquire that admiration moving a sign number two
this is when the daughter is not direct about this may seem like a small thing sometimes but when a daughter won't take
Direction it can be frustrating for parents
Regardless of the age of the daughter but of course we tend to use this term direct Abel more in reference to someone
Who's younger? So a daughter?
That won't go to bed on time who won't get dressed for school who won't do her homework
Now these particular signs of course could also be a sign of ADHD or other mental disorders
So again, we have to be careful in interpreting
The signs of a daughter who's narcissistic sign number three is that all criticism or advice is poorly received?
And almost never followed we see this comes in a lot of different versions
magnifying the criticism so if you're
Criticizing a narcissistic daughter for not doing homework
She might say you hate me
So she really just magnified that criticism and actually distorted that criticism into something completely different
So asking a daughter do her homework and that moves into hatred we see dismissing the source
So the daughter who's narcissistic might say you don't know what you're talking about when you were young
They used stone tablets to do homework right like a chisel and stone tablets
So suggesting the parents are old but also out of touch with technology and how things are done these days
Similar to this would be kind of the you know, nothing argument and this would be sticking to this
Belief, even when the evidence shows
Otherwise, this is actually fairly common when a narcissistic daughter is in love - that first love interest
That's a point where the parents just seem to know nothing all of a sudden right? We see this pretty frequently with daughters
Who are narcissistic and sometimes with daughters who are not narcissistic?
also under the same sign number three, we see pointing out the disparity in treatment between
Herself and siblings. My brother never has to do his homework, right so kind of pointing out there's a difference there
We also see yelling crying not talking at all and maybe doing the homework if that's the example
With less than 100 so whatever the criticism advices about maybe following it a little bit but not really doing it correctly
It's a form of resistance. Essentially. We also see a counter attacking and this is actually extremely common. It's a fairly effective
distraction technique that narcissists of all types tend to use so for example if you say to
The daughter. Hey, look you need to clean your room
she might say well you never clean your room your room so dirty and
Cluttered that I almost fall down when I walk in there, right?
so kind of taking the attention off of her dirty room and
Putting it on some sort of flaw that the parents would have
Sign number four is being jealous of a sibling and this would be more so than we would usually see because this type of jealousy
With siblings is fairly common
So this will be something like you've always loved them more than me when talking about siblings playing the victim and what becomes I think
Complicated here is that the truth is sometimes parents do have favorites
Right and to put it bluntly sometimes parents do love one child more than another this actually happens all the time
This is remarkably common. What a lot of parents of course want to say that they love all their children equally which makes sense
That's a socially desirable thing to indicate
So if the narcissistic daughter is not the favorite that adds kind of credence to this argument
It makes a little bit more credible if they are the favorite though. They tend to say the same thing
They still play the victim. Although being the favored I think does satisfy the narcissistic daughter for a while
This can be something that is really
Consistent with the narcissistic attitude and can therefore be agreeable to a daughter who's narcissistic, right?
So if they are the favorite this particular sign sign number four
I don't think is as visible sign number five is taking sides with one parent against the other and
Usually this is in a fairly
mean-spirited way and not the normal behavior
We would expect to see
between parents and a daughter
So they might say something like to a mother they might say you're the reason dad left or to a father
You're making mom unhappy?
they might say I wish dad would leave you so I can live with him or I don't know how she
Tolerates you or something a little bit more antagonistic like dad says you're a terrible lover. Ouch
That one's pretty rough and mom says if it weren't for having kids she would have left a long time ago
That one's also a little bit
Unkind right and these are ones I've heard many times in the context of my clinical experience. So these aren't remarkably unusual
statements for daughters to make in order to take sides with one parent against the other this taking size can be the basis for a
Grudge that's held forever. Right? So this particular sign sign number five, I think
More so than many of the other signs becomes kind of a foundation for an argument against one of the parents
Right, so you never treated mom, right? You never treated dad, right whatever it is
This becomes a grudge that that daughter can hold potentially for the remainder of that
relationship for however long that relationship with the parents will last
signed number six is the overuse of
social media
especially in the area of attractiveness like beauty and with popularity so pictures
Posted on social media that feature the daughter with a large number of friends establishing that a lot of people like her
We see a lot of comparisons between the daughter's social media performance and out of their friends
Like how many likes that a particular post receives or something like that and with this we also see
Increasingly surprising and shocking tactics to get attention
On social media platforms. So being more dramatic and being more revealing
sometimes to attract attention and this could include
Saying really unkind things about the parents, right?
So again kind of playing the victim or on social media to attract attention
Even though that necessarily wouldn't be positive attention at some point that might not matter moving the sign number seven
This one involves when the daughter gets to an age where she could go find a job
so in many places this would be around 16 so in
A job setting they might feel like they're being demeaned by having an entry-level position
Like a cashier at a fast-food restaurant
Or someone who works on the sales floor of a retail store
So even just a few days into working this type of job
The daughter may come home and tell her siblings or her parents that if she was the boss there
Everything would improve where she works if she ran the place the problems would be gone sales would be up employees would be happier
She also doesn't think highly of her co-workers
She may refer to them as idiots or people that really deserve to have low-level jobs, and she deserves to have a higher-level job
So putting herself at a different level even though they're working in the same position
There's typically a lack of respect for the chain of command right? So not respecting a manager or supervisor
The exception here would be if that supervisor really admires them
Sometimes this admiration can win the narcissistic daughter over for a while
We also see that the narcissistic daughter expects an allowance from her Paras, even when she starts working
So the money earned of the job just isn't enough sign number eight is being extremely focused on appearance
Noting that her attractiveness is superior to yours as the parents
This is usually more directed at the mother than the father
So this could be something that the daughter has always believed is true
Like she's always believed that she was more attractive than the mother or the father
Or it could be some sort of commentary one aging like one thing
I've heard narcissistic daughters say before is it's my time to shine your time is over right referring to the parents
so again kind of over emphasizing the value of youth and beauty and
Assuming that just because the parents are older they're automatically unattractive or at least not as attractive as the daughter
So this has kind of a shallow
Component to it sign number nine is the daughter believes that you were jealous of them as the parents, right?
So this jealousy could be because of beauty that perceived difference in beauty
You could be jealous of them because they're single and not married to somebody as bad as their other parent right again in their opinion
You could be jealous of their youth jealous of their boyfriend
of their career
Success their social network, or they'll try to make you jealous if they believe you're not jealous, right?
So if they sense you don't really seem to care you're indifferent
They may go out of their way to make you feel Envy for example
If the daughters in an age where she may have in-laws, right so she finds somebody they get married and now they're in loss
She may say those in-laws are the parents that she never had right really kind of
Putting you as her parents up against the in-laws in some sort of competition
Narcissistic daughters may also weaponize the relationship with the grandchildren like petty games
so let them spend time with the in-laws but not with you or
Not letting you see them at all maybe saying something like I don't want you to do to them what you did to me
Again, kind of suggesting they were mistreated by the parents when they were younger
Also, the daughter may be jealous of her own children. I actually see this quite a bit
Specifically the way the parents treat her children, right?
So when I was young you never treated me that well, you never loved me as much as you loved your grandchildren
So the jealousy isn't contained to just the Peris right? It can extend to everybody
Including the daughter's children sign number 10 of a daughter has narcissistic if she seems to be highly interested in whatever
Inheritance, she expects to get she tends to overestimate the dangers of aging
so for example, she may think that when her parents turn 65 or
75 or something that they're going to die within a few months right not realizing that people can live well into their 80s or 90s
Or sometimes even longer than that
She may treat the parents nicely if she thinks that will increase the chances of getting an inheritance
She'll be highly sensitive the siblings that are also interested in the material possessions the parents have
She gets very angry at the parents for spending money
Especially on items that aren't technically necessary like vacations
Jewelry a luxury car the more the parents spend the less money is available for the daughter
The daughter also may become upset when she hears stories of other relatives who have lived a long time
Right thinking that of course that genetic contribution could mean that the parents will live a long time, right?
So she's looking at her gran parents and they lived into their late 90s that may make the daughter distressed because now she's worried
She's not going to see her inheritance because her parents are gonna live so long
So this is really kind of a Machiavellian istic attitude, right a materialistic attitude
And of course that's highly consistent with narcissism. So having a daughter who is narcissistic as I mentioned before can be a real challenge
Parents often feel really guilty about this. They feel like they caused their daughter to become
Narcissistic and they're frustrated because now they have to deal with that narcissism many times the parents and the daughter become
Estranged I see this all the time
Sometimes is because the daughter chooses that that's actually fairly common
But sometimes it's because the parents eventually reject the daughter because they simply can't tolerate the narcissism and other attempts
They've had at setting boundaries have failed so they just end up
Ceasing to have any type of relationship
With the daughter which of course is very painful for the parents and typically would be for the daughter as well
Sometimes however, the lack of relationship is a mutual decision the parents and the daughter agree
But they're better off not having any relationship. I know whatever I talk about topics like daughters who are narcissistic
there'll be a variety of opinions people who agree with me and disagree with me and
Have other thoughts and examples from their own life experiences
Please put those opinions and thoughts in the comments section. They always generate a really interesting dialogue as always
I hope you found these 10 signs of a daughter who's narcissistic to be interesting. Thanks for watching