your boy clean up nice this is some [ __ ]
i would post like as a joke
you with the tattoos come here it's
gotta be him
hi do you use dating apps i used to any
success
i kind of had fun with it i think it's
like an easier way to meet people
because nowadays like no one wants to
talk to people in real life
we have eight men that are coming out
here you're gonna match the dating
profile
to the person oh gee what are some
stereotypes of
men's profiles that you've seen there's
the gym rat the guy who's like trust
fund kind of guy
who's always like in suits i think like
the most
douchey bio i've ever read was hi my
name is buck and i like to [ __ ]
what's this are you ready let's get the
line out
look at all these single men
first profile just look through it read
through it and describe the person
okay your boy clean up nice
this is some [ __ ] i would post like as a
joke
i'm ugly so you know i'm funny
that's so [ __ ] up because now i'm
gonna look back and
like whoever i picked they're gonna be
like you think i'm the ugly
you with the tattoos come here it's
gotta be him
do i look like a guy would take a mirror
selfie and say your boy looking nice
i don't know who did this honestly
who did this be yeah okay absolutely
all right okay well they're at a wedding
it's like this
person really values like family and
friends two truths and a lie i played
semi-pro basketball i flew a plane solo
english is my first language oh that's
pretty cool but one of those is a lie oh
[ __ ]
yeah i'm guessing this person's tall and
they gotta look like a mama's boy
i think you're the mom
i don't know you're tall too i'm chris
why do i look like a mama's boy i don't
know
do you love your mama of course that's
why
okay i can live with that all right
who's next profile
financial analyst at granite
construction
they are on a boat in one of these and
then
on a beach and another one come here
you're the financial analyst
you gotta be what makes you think that i
feel like you're already
analyzing me like is she a potentially
good match
like is she like gonna provide me with
benefit like
you're giving me that look you're the
financial analyst
irony is when you juggling take a
restroom selfie but it turns out to be
the best picture of you
that's me this is your profile you look
like you take mirror selfies
thank you oh is this their kid i see a
kid
and a sloth i think that's really cute
who's the fluffy
sloth-hugging person mr turtleneck come
here
come on mr turtleneck i like this
profile it was a good one
it looks like you would like hug a sloth
at a child at the same time
this one has a [ __ ] cowboy hat
demolition specialist which is like
super freaking cool
it's gotta be your profile man there's
that there's a cowboy hat
okay and a motorcycle okay
and five finger death punch okay
it's you assistant regional manager at
dunner mifflin
yes i'm way more into conversations
and cuddles let's touch brains and maybe
souls skip the endless texting and get
to know each other
over your favorite beverage um
[Music]
office reference i'm just gonna say it
was because of the office reference
you watch the office and i think your
favorite character might be
jim okay they've got a gold chain
necklace with
bay and a heart they have questionable
taste and like necklace wear
and they want a kid someday are you
looking to date people that want a kid
yes because i have one would you guys
date someone with a kid
wow which one of y'all would rock a
chain though
you look like you could rock a chain and
it might have bay on it
whoever actually is rocking the bay
chain stop doing that
all right raise your hand if she got you
right
wow wow i suck at this holy [ __ ]
so what'd you like about my profile so
this is stupid
but this is like one of my favorite
parts the inclusion of like the spotify
top section oh yeah
because i love to see like what people
are into musically
what'd you dislike what i disliked you
didn't have a bio
you need a boil would you swipe yes with
me
probably i like country music so oh yeah
okay which one was yours i was the one
with the baseball and the beer
what's god you're the baby it was a joke
it was a joke i would never wear that
seriously
how are they supposed to know that you
didn't say it was a joke man
because my bio was kind of funny right
no i would have been like all right i'm
gonna jump out a window
would you swipe right on yeah i'll
excuse the bay chain
now i'm gonna wear it nothing but the
chain [ __ ]
which one was your profile uh i was the
one with the microphone
oh [ __ ] comedy yes good damn it
demisexual tell me about that yeah so
basically it just means that my
attraction to people
is based on intellectual and emotional
connection that's freaking
cool no one does that anymore
i like how in-depth your profile was
because again it shows that they're
trying to put effort into the whole
thing
oh so would you swipe right on it yeah
because of all of the information
shocked in here be real though do you
actually
read people's bodies i do thank you
i do actually exist that's great is that
is that your kid
no it's my niece or my daughter too but
still like the inclusion of a kid on a
profile you know how big that is
everyone's gonna assume you're a single
parent so the fact that you value family
that much that you would even put her
in it that's cool okay
tell me which one it's your boy
[Applause]
no oh god
i should have known would you have
messaged this person
no
you're a mirror selfie yes i am i
thought that was funny that's a good way
to
like show your sense of humor i would
have swiped right thank you see
which one was yours i'm a travel the
world sugar daddy guy
damn it would you swipe right
i think so because i like the
adventurous type
because i'm really outgoing and i like
to do things so this would have seemed
like a fun profile
all right we got our last person here i
i'm the first profile
i like wedding photos like when a guy is
in a wedding photo i don't know why
maybe it's usually because they're
always like dressed well in that photo
so you're like
that's what you look like when you're
like done up all right
yeah isla how was this a lot of
different techniques
you don't think about it but that is
like literally someone
telling you about themselves so to
critique it was kind of a dick thing
like i felt like a douchebag doing it it
was fun though
fix your boy fix your boy and that's it
we're done