-Good evening, everybody! I'm Seth Meyers.
This is "Late Night."
We hope you're doing well tonight.
And now, if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news.
FBI agents reportedly found a document while searching
former President Trump's Mar-A-Lago residence
that detailed a foreign country's nuclear capabilities.
Even crazier, it was Luxembourg.
[ Laughter ]
Former President Obama returned today to the White House.
Oh, God, it must have been like one of those videos
where a dog's owner returns from the war.
[ As Obama ] "Joe, Joe! I'm happy to see you, too.
All right, get down, Joe, get down."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon
is reportedly expected to turn himself in
to New York state prosecutors tomorrow
to face a criminal indictment, and if he's convicted,
he could actually find himself, for the first time,
sleeping indoors.
[ Laughter ]
During a White House coronavirus briefing yesterday,
Dr. Anthony Fauci said the COVID vaccines
will likely become annual, like flu shots or,
you know, mask-wearing.
[ Laughter ]
In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said
that she started wearing pantsuits in the '90s
while she was First Lady after a Brazilian ad agency
used a photo of her wearing a skirt in a lingerie campaign.
And I don't think I need to tell you who was the first to notice.
"Hey, Hillary, you're in a magazine!"
[ Laughter ]
It was reported yesterday that Pennsylvania Senate candidate
Dr. Mehmet Oz once said in an interview that incest is
"not a big problem if you're more than a first cousin away."
Replied the interviewer, "My question was about tax policy."
[ Laughter ]
According to a new survey, 16% of Americans said
that they share and track locations
with their friends and family.
Though, honestly, a lot of them do now regret that.
[ Laughter ]
"Should we check on where Uncle Tom is?"
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin
returned from the Senate's August recess yesterday
with his right sling -- right arm in a sling.
But that's also his right sling.
[ Light laughter ]
West Virginia Senat-- Oh.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, it's coming off the rails.
[ Laughter ]
West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin returned
from the Senate's August recess yesterday
with his right arm in a sling.
Well, now we know how Biden got his climate bill passed.
[ Laughter ]
Um, yeah, I think we ordered this with a neck!
[ Laughter ]
You know, the Biden picture.
[ Laughter ]
Rapper Snoop Dogg has announced that he's releasing
a new breakfast cereal...
[ Laughter ]
...called Snoop Loops.
And if you thought your kids fought over the prize before...
[ Laughter ]
"No, it didn't have a prize."
[ Laughter ]
New York's education chancellor, David Banks, confirmed yesterday
that public school students will not get snow days this year.
When asked why he said, "'Cause it's 91 degrees in September."
[ Laughter ]
And finally, Target recently issued a recall
for white fudge animal cookies,
because they potentially contain metal wire.
Even worse, apparently, they also contain white fudge.
[ Laughter ]
And that was the monologue, everybody!