- HOW WAS WORK TODAY, CHARLES?
- OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
ACCOUNTING'S COMPLAINING ABOUT US MISLEADING THE STOCKHOLDERS
AND BLOWING THE EMPLOYEE PENSIONS AND--
WHAT A BUNCH OF BABIES.
I MEAN, COME ON, THIS IS BUSINESS, PEOPLE, RIGHT?
AND SPEAKING OF BUSINESS, YEAH?
[growls]
SATCHCO, TAKE A POWDER.
AND YOU.
- [screams]
- [growls] - [meows]
- SNUGGLE BUNNY!
- [laughs]
- GET ON THE GROUND!
- [screaming]
[dog panting]
- SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!
[gunshot]
GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!
STOP RESISTING, SIR!
[phone ringing]
- NIGGA, I SAID STOP CALLING HERE, ALL RIGHT?
I'M BAGGING UP THE COKE UP AS FAST AS I CAN!
- I'M DETECTIVE CHARLES STEVENS
FROM THE DADE COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT.
I'VE GOT A WARRANT HERE FOR YOUR ARREST.
- A WARRANT?
- CHARGE IS COCAINE TRAFFICKING,
AND, UM, FRANKLY,
I'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT.
- OH, MAN, WE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WITH THIS.
WE DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASS SOMEBODY LIKE ME
IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY AND MY COMMUNITY.
I TELL YOU WHAT,
I'LL COME IN AND TURN MYSELF IN AROUND THURSDAY, OKAY?
- IS 1:00 GOOD FOR YOU?
- OH, NO, THAT'S NO GOOD FOR ME.
I'VE GOT SOME TRIM COMING AT 12:00.
I'LL TURN MYSELF IN, SAY, BETWEEN
2:00 AND 6:00?
- THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AND, AGAIN,
I'M SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
- OH, NO PROBLEM.
ONE LOVE.
- UH, YEAH. I LOVE YOU TOO.
- SO WHAT AM I CHARGED WITH?
- YEAH, LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU LITTLE BITCH.
- [coughing]
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND NOT SMOKE?
I'M ALLERGIC.
- OH, HEY, I'M SORRY, CHUCK.
WHY DON'T I DO YOU A FAVOR AND PUT IT OUT THERE FOR YOU, HUH?
- [screaming]
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, YOU PIECE OF CRAP!
I WANT ANSWERS, PUNK!
- [whimpers]
I WANT TO TALK TO MY LAWYER!
- HE WANTS TO TALK TO HIS LAWYER.
- LEGAL AID, YOU'RE ON.
- SORRY, YOU'RE, LIKE, MY 14TH CASE THIS WEEK.
SOMEBODY TAKE A PISS IN HERE?
- IT WAS ME!
I PEED.
[timid elevator music]
- I WOULD LIKE TO COMPLIMENT YOU GENTLEMEN
ON A VERY CLASSY, BALLER-ASS SPREAD
WITH CHEESES THAT I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE.
AND MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING LATE,
BUT I GOT CAUGHT UP WITH SOME POONANY.
[laughs]
- WELL, SO, IT'S LIKE I SAID,
WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING.
YOU'RE A COCAINE DEALER,
BUT YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY.
- OH, I KNOW, MAN.
ON THANKSGIVING, I BE PASSING TURKEYS OUT
LIKE NINO BROWN, BABY.
- BUT, SERIOUSLY, WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
HOW ABOUT YOU TESTIFY BEFORE A SENATE COMMITTEE
AND SPEND
TWO MONTHS AT CLUB FED?
- WHEN I GET OUT,
CAN I STILL TRAFFIC ROCKS TO THE COMMUNITY?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT!
- YOU'RE RIGHT. SELLING ROCKS WOULD BE WRONG.
[laughs]
JAIL'S THE SHIT!
- ANYWAY, HE POINTS THE GUN AT US,
AND HE TELLS HIS DOG TO SIC US.
IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT I FIRED UPON THE CANINE
AND WE WERE ABLE TO SUBDUE MR. JEFFRIES.
UPON FURTHER SEARCH OF THE MANSION,
WE WERE ABLE TO LOCATE THIS:
PURE COLOMBIAN HEROIN.
- YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOUR HONOR,
I DON'T KNOW WHO'S HEROIN THAT IS,
BUT IT CERTAINLY ISN'T MINE.
- THEN HIS WIFE THREW HER TITTIES IN MY HAND.
IT WAS WEIRD, YOUR HONOR.
- YOU GRABBED HER TITTIES!
I SAW YOU!
- BEFORE I SENTENCE YOU,
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?
- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL--
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU'RE THE WORST KIND OF SCUM
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
YOU'RE AN ANIMAL.
A FILTHY, BIG-LIPPED BEAST.
I'D LIKE TO CONGRATULATE THE JURY OF YOUR PEERS
FOR REACHING A VERDICT SO QUICKLY.
TEN MINUTES IS A NEW COURT RECORD.
ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS WILL BE SEIZED IMMEDIATELY BY THE COURT,
AND YOU WILL RECEIVE THE MANDATORY MINIMUM
OF LIFE IN PRISON.
PLENTY OF TIME TO LIFT WEIGHTS
AND CONVERT TO ISLAM.
NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU FUCK.
- SIR, IS IT TRUE YOU WERE A CRACK COCAINE DEALER
FOR SEVEN YEARS?
- I PLEAD THE FIFTH.
- SIR, WILL YOU TELL US ABOUT THE CARTELS YOU DEALT WITH
IN YOUR TIME AS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER?
- UM, NO, BUT I CAN TELL YOU
THAT I PLEAD THE FIZZIFTH.
- EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY DID YOU EARN
IN YOUR TIME AS A CRACK COCAINE DEALER?
- ♪ THERE ♪
♪ ARE ♪
♪ I SAID, THERE ARE ♪
♪ SO MANY AMENDMENTS ♪
♪ IN THE CONSTITUTION ♪
♪ OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ♪
♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE ONE ♪
[glass whistling]
♪ I CAN ONLY CHOOSE ♪
♪ ONE ♪
♪ I PLEAD THE FIFTH ♪
♪ FIVE ♪
♪ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIFTH ♪
♪ ANYTHING YOU SAY, FIFTH ♪
♪ GO AHEAD, ASK ME A QUESTION ♪
- DID YOU--
- ♪ FIFTH ♪
SIR, I HAVE A SECRET DOCUMENT THAT I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE.
♪ FIFTH ♪
- THAT WILL BE ALL, SIR. GOOD AFTERNOON.
- I GOT YOUR SENTENCE REDUCED TO A MONTH, BUDDY.
- OH!
[laughs]