The Avengers is host to many many oh so
many interesting superheroes most have
some sort of super power or ability like
Thor or Captain America some are simply
super geniuses like Iron Man or others
like Black Panther happened to be both
and then there's Paul Rudd aka Scott
wing aka ant-man I'm Jocelyn the intern
I do all the research nobody else wants
to straight from the desk of death
battle this ant-man is fairly unique
because he isn't a superhuman or a super
genius he's an ex thief with a suit
built by a super genius
I mean sure he's a pretty good
electrician but he's not creating his
own type of physics like T'Challa over
there plus his powers are pretty lame
I mean Ironman flies and has hand
cannons and all sorts of stuff all
ant-man has is the ability to shrink and
grow two different sizes thanks to
something called Pym particles
now these particles are called science
but there really isn't anything
scientific about them in fact they tell
science to shove it and go take a hike
ESA science is built on absolutes
whether it's rocket science or
agricultural science you always have to
acknowledge and work with basic
fundamentals like Newton's law Pym
particles on the other hand throw that
[ __ ] out the goddamn window for starters
Pym particles give a giant middle finger
to the square-cube law now for those of
you that don't know about the
square-cube law let me explain this
mathematical principle shows that when
an object or creature increases or
decreases in size its surface area and
internal volume do not expand at equal
rates now I know that sounds all science
and stuff but let me explain let's just
say an average human was shrunk down to
the size of oh I don't know an ant that
me
it's ratio of surface area to internal
volume would be much different than that
of their original size in simpler terms
its insides shrink more than its
outsides its ability to dissipate heat
would shrink by a cubed this is a
problem because this tiny ant size human
would dissipate heat faster than it
generated it and would essentially die
of hypothermia as a result that's
actually why small animals like mice
have much higher heart rates than large
animals all that extra internal activity
helps generate more heat I bet you can
guess what that means for growing super
large if a normal human were to grow to
ten times in size its internal volume
would be far greater meaning it would
generate a lot more heat and its surface
area by comparison wouldn't have grown
anywhere near enough to dissipate that
heat which would cause this unlucky
giant to die of hyperthermia yeah
Pym particles actively avoid all this
bothersome science by moving extra
matter to and from a place called the
Kosmos dimension which isn't like a
fourth dimension no no that would
actually almost kind of make sense the
cosmos dimension is more like a
different universe which happens to be
ruled by xenophobic insects called Cosmo
nians
to make it even dumber and the cosmos
dimension the ability to change size is
attributed to a size changing pollen
about now you might be asking well what
does all this mean Jocelyn well let me
tell you simply put it means anytime
ant-man changes sizes he is either
throwing away or taking excess matter
from a universe full of racist bugs by
interacting with a whole bunch of active
interdimensional plant dicks kemal
ladies and gentlemen is why ant-man and
Timm are stupid stupid characters oh and
also science isn't the only thing that
Hank pimp slapped in the face
he also slapped his white so yeah that
guy fun fact if changing size changed
ant-man or any shape-shifting heroes
heart rate it could also affect their
life expectancy as well seeing as humans
typically have an average of 2 billion
heartbeats in a lifetime increasing or
decreasing your base heart rate could
effectively increase or decrease your
overall lifespan then again I doubt any
of the Avengers are worried about dying
from old age