I'm here in Wisconsin, land of beer, cheese
and real-life dystopian technology
that's gonna control your every move.
A Wisconsin-based company, Three Square Market,
announced its plans to install
rice-sized microchips in its employees.
SLOAN: That's right. This company
is shoving microchips into their employees,
and this movement is spreading worldwide.
NEWSMAN: In Sweden, thousands already have microchip implants
that they use in their daily lives.
Next thing you know, we'll all be chipped.
I'm gonna pull a Harriet Tubman and free these white people.
Wait. You know what I mean.
I had to put an end to this evil technology
before it dominates us all.
The removal wasn't gonna be pretty.
But, luckily, I spent a summer working
as an unlicensed proctologist.
(quietly): Hey. Psst.
Bend over.
I'm here to extract your chip. Come on.
-What are you talking about? -The chip.
The chip that they put in you. I'm here to take it out.
I volunteered.
-You volunteered? -Yeah.
What?
Hey!
Who else volunteered to get this chip?
C-- Even you, black dude?
(clicks tongue) Come on, man!
So I sat face-to-face with the man responsible
for running a company of chipped employees.
So, where exactly is this chip...
implanted?
It's right there.
That's not where I thought y'all put it.
Where'd you think I put it?
That's-that's not important.
So, how did you convince your employees
to let you brainwash them
into getting chips in their hands?
'Cause they saw that we could do something
that-that truly could just change the world.
I, literally, can, with the swipe of the hand, do anything.
You can start your car with it.
You can make payments, unlock doors.
I've been able to unlock doors my whole life.
I just go like this. It's easier.
Don't you think y'all are helping people become more lazy?
We already swipe everything.
I swipe on my phone to meet these mens-es.
I already pay with my phone.
Why do I need a chip in my hand?
I'm never gonna forget my hand. It's always there.
Hands are really easy to lose.
We've all been near a wood chipper,
too close to an industrial fan.
Let's put it this way. What if I could save your life?
Let's say you have a heart issue.
Let's say you have diabetes. What about dementia?
What about a senior citizen? To give them the peace of mind
that, at all times, we know where they are.
We can look at all their vital signs.
That's a Life Alert, Patrick!
-But, like... -We already did this.
The lady's fallen and she can't get up.
Push the button. "Somebody come get me."
But if that person's passed out,
they're not able to push that button.
While that may have been a excellent point,
I wasn't fully convinced.
This is the only chip I want in my body, Patrick.
Mmm.
So good.
Just wait till you see what it can do.
What can it do?
You can buy snacks with a scan of your hand?
Holy shit, it works!
Now, I know this chip initially scared the hell out of me.
Go. (cackling)
Seeing it in action, it's a game changer.
How do I get me one of these?
So, basically, we'll just clean it with this prep stick.
And then what I'll do is, when I'm ready,
I'll push it in, insert the chip itself,
pull it out, and I'll put the cap back on
and we are all done.
Give me one! Give me one!
I was entering a new life where anything was possible.
Like swiping right and left on men in real life.
-(beep) -♪ ♪
Having doors open for me.
This was the future.
But according to tech journalist Ian Sherr,
I made a big mistake.
There's a lot of stuff we need to think about:
where this is going and what could happen as a result of it.
Let me tell you how my life has changed
since I've gotten this chip.
I can get snacks with a wave of a hand.
I can start a car.
As soon as I buy a car. All of this is great.
You need to get on board. Quit being a hater, playboy.
And that may be the case.
But whenever you put a foreign object into your body,
it can be dangerous.
Not all objects.
(ding)
Look, Ian, think about how much time I'm saving.
In 20 years, I probably saved five to eight minutes.
My point is that you have to actually take it out
if you want to take it out.
I never thought about removing it!
Would this be like a 127 Hours situation?
I mean, that's what you get for hiking by yourself,
James Franco. But that's not the point.
What are, like, the worst worst-case scenarios?
Well, people could go to extreme lengths
to get your information,
and you could get charged for stuff
that you didn't intend to buy.
(echoing): This is hackable.
People could steal your information.
You may not even know when it's being accessed or for what.
People will be able to track you.
People are crazy.
Someone could cut your hand off to use your chip.
Because it's implanted, you can't get away from it.
Oh, my God!
This is the worst episode of Black Mirror ever,
and I saw the one with the pig.
I mean, stealing other people's chips--
you got to lose your hand and your car?
Or, worst of all,
you think you're just dancing
but you're buying items you put in your shopping cart
when you were drunk.
(gasping)
-Shit! -Maybe this will be the norm in the future
and everyone will have a chipped hand.
But, right now, I'm not ready to be tracked or hacked.
-(groans, exhales) -I have to get rid of this thing.
Give me strength, Jesus!
(exhales) Oh, it hurts!
Why's it hurt so bad?
Maybe because I stuck a knife in my hand.
(exhales) It's ironic!
(echoing): No...!
(cheering and applause)