♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪ (bell ringing)
- [Narrator] Kelly bothers Zack with a drink he ordered.
She wonders about life after graduation.
- Hopefully, I'll be at college, living in a sorority house.
- [Narrator] Zack, once again, mistaking any building
with women for a brothel.
Screech bought Lisa a gift in a final push
to win her heart before school ends.
Everyone politely explains, at this point,
he should give up,
everyone but Zack.
- Don't listen to them, if you like Lisa,
go for it, don't give it up.
- [Narrator] The recruiter from Lisa's dream fashion college
is flying in, she needs to impress her.
Zack suggests a fashion show.
What's his angle, and how will Lisa pull it off?
- We'll all help you.
- [Narrator] The Zack Morris kiss of death.
Screech gives Lisa her gift.
It's real gold, with something special inside.
Zack allocates all the sewing manual labor to the ladies.
Him and Slater will find a venue for the show
and handle other details.
- Interview the models.
- [Narrator] So that's his angle.
Lisa needs this to go well,
as her entire future hangs on this event.
Zack booked The Max to host Lisa's show, you know,
that place they've had fucking everything for years.
Great work, lot of hustle.
He also booked Screech as the announcer.
Lisa objects, Screech doesn't know fashion.
- I'll be writing everything he's gonna say, trust me.
- [Narrator] Lisa, please, think about what you're going
to say next. - Okay.
- [Narrator] Oh, goddammit.
Lisa's working on designs, like this Magic Eye shirt.
Stare long enough, and you see a douchebag.
Zack lies and says these ugly clothes are very good.
And don't forget him when she's famous.
- I could never forget you, Zack.
- [Narrator] I hear that, sister.
But when Lisa goes in for a goodnight hug,
Zack makes a beeline for smooch city, then says nothing,
leaving her confused when she needs to focus.
Lisa thinks the kiss was just a clumsy mistake.
Jessie says premeditated is Zack's middle name.
Jessie breaks the news to Kelly,
who giggles that her blonde problem is now someone else's.
Lisa doesn't think Zack was coming on to her,
overlooking his incessant trust me language
and egregious flattery.
Zack's in a robe, telling women to smile.
This can't end well.
Lisa's nervous at showtime, Zack says the word
every woman loves to hear. - Relax.
- [Narrator] Which does not work.
Zack decides now is the perfect moment
to talk about last night.
Zack's mumbling, maybe it's time
they take things to a hand job level,
when Lisa says the kiss was nice,
but more importantly, thanks for helping with the show.
- I love working for you.
- [Narrator] Not proper employee conduct.
Zack makes a move, knowing Screech is here
and could see them.
Screech sees them and is obliterated.
Zack's wearing Lisa's pants that are fortunately equipped
with a retching hide-in fabric walls.
Lisa greets the recruiter and hands it over to Screech,
who is in emotional apocalypse.
Screech takes out his heartache on Lisa's designs,
airing his misery for everyone to hear.
Zack goes off-script to yell
at Screech for going off-script.
- Thank you, Zack, for destroying my life.
- [Narrator] I hear that, sister.
The show's ruined because Zack decided to get horny
during what should have just been a conversation.
But despite Zack's best efforts to demolish Lisa's future,
her clothes won over the recruiter.
Jessie found Screech's note for Lisa.
It's a beautiful letter of love and good luck.
Zack, to make himself feel better, goes to find Screech.
He corners him, Screech asks for space,
Zack does not oblige.
Screech distances himself, Zack selfishly follows,
then makes this great excuse.
- I didn't even know what was happening.
- [Narrator] He never accepts responsibility or says sorry.
Screech, shattered, wants to fight Zack after school,
knowing he'll lose, because that's the only kind
of shit Zack's primal caveman mind understands.
Zack scoffs at Screech and enjoys that he drove him insane.
- Guess that kiss really shook him up.
- [Narrator] Lisa's trying to talk
about their developing complicated relationship.
Zack makes a not-so-subtle pitch for boning.
- That feels good inside.
- [Narrator] Zack tries to back out of the fight
that's fully his fault.
Screech labels him a coward, accurate.
Slater intervenes, but Screech is out of his mind
and in the kind of pain where it might be nice
to get your ass beat, just to feel anything.
Zack diffuses things by scream apologizing.
- Sorry I hurt you, all right?
- [Narrator] Scream apologizing is not a thing.
Screech exposes Zack for knowingly picking Lisa,
of all girls, then exposes one of his stupid titties.
Zack says if he knew it would bother him,
he wouldn't go out with her,
a conclusion he could have come to earlier.
Lisa does what she should have done years ago.
She stops being mean, and gets honest.
They'll never be an item, but her and Zack like each other.
Screech puts his anguish aside to be the bigger man,
and gives their blossoming romance his blessing.
Except that's the last we hear
or see of Zack and Lisa dating, ever.
Seriously, are you fucking kidding me?
Let's review, Zack Morris saw his best friend hopelessly
in love with Lisa for years.
Instead of telling him to move on,
told him to keep going, then offered to help
with Lisa's show just to prey on models.
When there were no models, he preyed on Lisa,
then sexually targeted her at her most vulnerable
and broke his buddy's heart into a million pieces,
with no regard for how this might impact the show
and Lisa's chances at college.
Instead of giving him space or apologizing,
pestered Screech with non-excuses
that pushed him deeper into rage-fueled insanity.
Then used Lisa to force Screech
into accepting the relationship
he had no intention of seriously pursuing.
So all of Screech's pain was for nothing.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash ♪ (bell ringing)