anybody in this theater who thinks they
might be offended by explicit sexual
discussion please leave the theater now
and come back at the end of my talk you
can't say you weren't warned I date
younger men they tend to men in their
twenties and so I have sex with younger
men and through having sex with younger
men I encountered not with all the men I
date but with a number what happens when
total freedom of access to hardcore
pornography online meets our reluctance
as a society to talk openly and honestly
about sex and results in porn therefore
becoming by default the sex education of
today not a good thing so when I realize
this nearly four years ago I launched at
Ted 2009 a website put up on no money
very basic very clunky at make love not
porn calm that posts the myths of
hardcore porn and balances them with the
reality the construct is porn world real
world this is what happens in the porn
world this is what really happens in the
real world
I was very straightforward in my TED
talk as one Twitter I said what's the
first time the words come on my face
have been heard on the Ted stage six
times a succession my talk went viral
and the response has been absolutely
extraordinary ever since and the most
extraordinary thing separate from very
high traffic to the site from every
country in the world with zero promotion
for me has been that every single day
for the past nearly four years I get
emails that I make love not porn inbox
and I get them from young people and
older people I get them from men and
women make love not porn is a gender
equal proposition girls watch porn too
they are just as influenced by porn as
default sex education as boys from gay
and straight from all around the world
and what amazes people is the fact that
I stood in a stage and talked about and
I'm doing something about what everybody
knows and no one ever speaks about and
so people feel able to tell me anything
they pour their hearts out to me on
email
they tell me things about this
Sex Lies and their porn watching habits
they have never told anybody else before
and those emails over time began making
me feel that I had a responsibility to
take make love not porn for words in a
way that will make it much more
far-reaching helpful and effective big
mouth not porn is not anti porn the
issue I'm tackling is not porn I'm
tackling the total lack in our society
of an open healthy honest conversation
around sex and porn which would then
enable amongst many other benefits
people to bring a real world mindset to
the viewing of what is essentially
artificial entertainment our tagline is
Pro sects Pro porn Pro knowing the
difference and make love not porns
entire message balls down to talk about
it and that's because we all get very
vulnerable when we get naked sexual egos
are very fragile people find it
bizarrely difficult to talk about sex
with the people they're actually having
it with while they're actually having it
because you are terrified of hurting the
other person's feelings putting them off
you D railing the entire encounter you
know D running the entire relationship
but at the same time you want to please
your partner you want to make them happy
so you'll cease your cues on how to do
that from anywhere you can and if the
only cues you have a from porn then
those are the ones you'll take to not
very good effect so um I decided that
what I wanted to do was to take every
dynamic that exists out there in social
media currently and apply them to the
one area that no social media network
platform has ever gone all ever dare to
go which is sex
I want to socialize sex and to make real
world sex socially acceptable and
therefore just as socially shareable and
discussable as anything else that we
currently share and discuss on Facebook
Twitter Tumblr Instagram so 11 weeks ago
on my two co-founders CTO Cory Ennis
user experience goddess una chase we
launched in beta make love not porn TV
make love not porn TV is
a user-generated crowdsource platform
where anybody from anywhere in the world
all of you can upload and submit videos
of yourselves having real-world sex
having the sex you really have in the
real world and I on my team curate we
review everything this is not you porn
pornhub xtube we're not porn
we're not amateur we're real world sex
what do I mean by that well real world
sex is funny if you can't laugh yourself
when you're having sex when can you porn
well sex is not funny Porter's parodies
but the sex of them isn't deadly earnest
one of the reasons I want to do this is
I want to reassure people the same [ __ ]
happens to all of us because we never
talk about it
we go oh my god that was so excruciating
embarrassing I've never speak about this
to anybody ever so for example the total
nightmare putting the condom on guys
always meant to know how to die magic as
we all know does not happen like that
when it doesn't happen like that things
go soft juices dry up and counters get
derailed queefing fanny farts everyone
doesn't have to be shamed off we want a
category on make love not porn TV that
is the sexual equivalent of America's
Funniest Home Videos because when people
film ourselves having sex you never see
the outtakes but there's a market for
that
imagine the sex equivalent of charlie
bit my finger which has now had over 450
million views on YouTube imagine the
appeal of that in a sex context so
real-world sex is funny real world sex
is messy it always amuses me when people
talk about porn as being dirty because
porn actually sanitizers sex in porn
nobody's hair you never see anybody
using Lube either they at the gallons of
it on set you never see any of those
nice messy things that happen in real
world sex so we want Catherine's like
period sex never see that important and
as a result an unfortunate myth has
sprung up for both guys and girls it
goes whoa Konnor sex during a period Oh
a promise you can so we invite the
hottest most arousing real world sex
content that is sex during a period
blood everywhere no big deal take the
tampon out with your teeth whatever
turns you on
real world sex is responsible in porn
either there are no condoms
or all of us on the condoms on jump cut
they're having sex let that come from so
we invite the hottest most arousing real
world sex content that actively competes
errata size condom usage what's the
hottest most arousing where you can
introduce a condom into the action put
it on take it off dispose of it i've sex
with condoms all the time I want to
watch my kind of sex but I particularly
want creative ideas for those awkward
condom moments that we all go through
and if more of us have more creative
ideas on how to make this awkward corner
moments hot and arousing there be a lot
more safe sex happening a lot less STDs
and a lot less unwanted pregnancies so
that's what I mean by real-world sex and
our business model is that and we charge
you to submit small token nominal fee
it's the local equivalent of us five
dollars per submission
that's a curation fee it's also quality
control that screens out trolls spammers
crap then we charge you to view not to
download because we host and stream but
to rent so when you click on on a video
that you like you pay five bucks and you
even view it as many times as you like
over a three-week period you can show it
to anybody else who's in your physical
vicinity of your laptop of your cell
phone and then we revenue share we give
you the contributor the mick love not
porn star as we like to call you we give
you 50% of the revenues that you will
make nav not porn dot TV content
generates which first of all is an
incentive to you to actually promote it
through your network share it socially
and help to our marketing for us and
secondly if as we hope one day we hit
critical mass and one day you'll make
love not porn TV video could hit the
youtube holy grail of a million rentals
at five bucks per rental and we give you
half of that revenue you're laughing
this has the potential to be what we
like to call the Etsy of sexy this is
where you can create your own cottage
industry doing what comes naturally the
way it comes naturally which in a
recession torn economy the world over
and with global we hope will also be
quite an appealing proposition
so what my team and I are doing is we're
building a platform and tools to be what
we call sexual social currency
we are taking everything that makes
Facebook Twitter Tumblr Instagram so
addictive to people and apply it the one
area those guys will never go we have
lots of social features that have social
functions so for example you'll be able
to curate and put together your own make
nav not porn TV playlist just like you
do on iTunes or Spotify and that
playlist might be for solitaire usage so
maybe it's a collection of scenes that
get you off than 20 seconds every time
but it could also be the sex equivalent
of a mixtape so imagine that you've
begun dating this really hot guy or girl
you curate and put together and make
novel not poor not TV playlists you send
it to them we have a gifting capability
and because it's us it's socially k to
do that and that playlist might just be
here's some really hot stuff to share
next time together but it could also be
here's what I'm really into this is what
I would really like to do to me this is
what would actually really make me come
and buy soon this playlist I don't have
to have the actual conversation out loud
in words
heaven forbid because that'll be really
awkward and embarrassing for both of us
and I can see how you respond and we can
take it from there then we have a system
of rating and scoring so you can rate
our content holistically but we also
have in video timeline scoring we're
very interested in which bits of each
video you find most hot and compelling
we are data sexuals in a very different
way from the way that Pinilla intended
originally this platform has a potential
one day to be the kinsey of today real
world real time real life human sexual
behavior aggregating away that nobody
else is doing but when it came to
designing that in video timeline scoring
system we had to take account of the
fact that again it amuses me when people
talk about watching porn nobody's
watching porn they're wanking this is
not entertainment you watch it's
entertaining you masturbate to so we had
to design an Nvidia time line scoring
system is very simple easy to use and
one-handed
so we have we have designed our own unit
of appreciation our version of the
facebook-like is the make novel not porn
TV yes so you score by going yes yes yes
yes yes and all you have to do is hit
the spacebar you doing one hand you can
do it left-handed or right-handed we
have a system of badges and stickers on
our Foursquare that reward talents and
skills and achievements so the first
time you contribute content get the
newbie badge and we are deliberately
designing in mechanisms to encourage you
to push your sexual boundaries so the
very first time you either view or
contribute content outside your normal
realm you get the explorer badge and all
of this builds up as your sexual profile
on make love not porn TV because sex is
personality whom we are sexually is as
much part of how we self-identify and
self express as any other talent skill
or trait we currently publicly showcase
in social media and by the way we also
have a category where porn stars get to
Prince the sex they have off camera in
the real world because porn stars have
real well sex too which is completely
different from the sex they have on
camera big not not porn has brought to
me many people who've reached out saying
love it do you want to help including
much to my surprise when this first
began happening a lot of people in the
porn industry specifically Generation Y
in porn your generation in porn is like
your generation anywhere else they're
entrepreneurial they're ambitious they
are questioning and challenging the old
world order and they want to be a part
of the new twenty-something porn stars
and porn directors reached out to me of
their own volition saying we love this
initiative we want to help so you'll see
on make love not porn dot TV my friends
Danny wild and Lily LeBeau who are
20-something porn stars and a real-life
couple having the sex they really have
in their real relationship my friend
Lily Cade who's a lesbian porn star
having the sex she really has with her
real well girlfriends all of which goes
to demonstrate our point that porn is
not real world sex and we want people to
understand the difference you have no
idea how extraordinary difficult it has
been to make this venture happen
it took me two years to get make love
not porn dot TV fun dirt very ironic
I should be every venture capitalists
and investors wet dream literally I have
an idea enabled by technology designed
to disrupt a sector worth billions of
dollars in a way that is both socially
beneficial and potentially very very
lucrative but because that sector is
porn and the social benefit is the
sexuality no VC would come near me when
I finally found an angel investor who
got it and put out the seed funding that
we needed um
I then couldn't get my hands on the
money for quite a while because I
couldn't find a single bank anywhere
that would allow me to open a business
banking account for business that has
the word porn in the name even though
the name of the businesses make love not
porn and even though we have a social
mission and by the way I still can't if
anybody out there knows anybody who owns
a bank and believes in our mission
seriously I want to hear from them so
along the way many very well-meaning
people said to me Cindy
you know why don't you change name of
your company you know why do you call it
something else that doesn't have a word
porn in it
you know something rain Occulus you know
and be a bit hazy about the nature of a
business it'll make your life so much
easier I refuse to do that because when
you concept a venture around society's
existing biases and prejudices all you
do is reinforce them you heard Michael
Tobin quote earlier today that all
progress depends on the unreasonable man
it also depends on the unreasonable
woman I'm utterly unreasonable I refuse
to bow to society's biases and
prejudices about to change them and so
I'm out to achieve the complete opposite
of what Pinilla talked to all of you
about today if I earn my team achieve
what we want to with make love not on TV
the ultimate corollary of success and we
are sitting out on a monumental task
with a monumental girl but the ultimate
Korra's success would be that nobody
would ever have to feel ashamed of
having a photograph of them naked or a
sex tape person on the internet ever
again
because it's simply a natural human part
of who we are and I have to tell you
also that you know although I I concept
heard all of this and my team have built
on it brilliantly I had no real idea of
the power and potential of what we are
doing until we began viewing our first
content submissions and and by the way
on that you know people say to me
seriously how people actually do this
well first of all you are the generation
that's grown up video sharing everything
once upon a time your marriage proposal
used to be a very intimate moment for
just the two of you you wouldn't have
dreamed of videoing it and putting on
Facebook even less would you've dreamed
of constructing an entire flash mob
event around it person on YouTube and
hope you get millions of views and
secondly think about all of those
celebrations of relationships that crop
up in your Facebook Timeline every day
think about those engagement
announcements those wedding photos
there's lovey-dovey couple things all
we're doing is we're providing a
platform to celebrate that last era of
human relationships that nobody else
will let you and so as I say you know it
wasn't until we began viewing the
submissions that were getting that we
really realized the full power and
potential of what we're doing
to paraphrase Malcom Gladwell earlier
today quoting his friend Howard
Moskowitz the mind does not know what
the genitals want I can tell you that
real world sex is more innovative more
creative more surprising more amazing
than porn will ever be um we're wearing
a private invitation only beta that's
because we're real well testing while we
build we launched us what the tech world
calls Minimum Viable Product and so
we're testing it out while we add in all
the social features I'm talking about
and so in order to join us you have to
go to make love not porn TV and enter
your email address and sign up and we'll
win it we'll invite you in and we we are
only at the very start of this process
but obviously there are other people out
there commenting on it already who have
not therefore seen either our site or
our content and so where there are
negative critiques in the blogosphere
there's a whole bunch of comments that
goes something like oh who wants to see
fat middle-aged people having sex under
bad lighting well first of all that is
not at all representative our content
but secondly as my co-founder Tony Chase
says isn't that interesting
when did porn become the gold standard
and what all of us do in the real world
becomes squandered and disgusting isn't
that an interesting reversal what we do
in the real world
is hotter and more amazing than anything
that you will ever see in porn and as I
say we're only at the start of our
journey but essentially we can't do it
without all of you we believe that it is
possible to change the world from sex so
if you if you believe in that as well if
you would like to see a more open honest
healthy dialogue discussion attitude
around sex in our society everywhere in
the world then please join us please
sign up for make love not porno TV
please contribute your own real world
sex videos I am really really hoping
that my own Oxford College summer
villians I want you to really rise to
the challenge here do us proud and and
please help us you know embark on this
journey again you heard you heard
Malcolm Gladwell talking about his
friend Howard and how he is celebrating
the extraordinary of humanity and all
the wonderful different things that we
know and love and I make every single
one of our special that's exactly what
we're doing with make love not porn dot
TV and real world sex you know we
haven't even begun to see what that
looks like how wonderful it is and what
fantastic communication and discussion
it can facilitate that will make all of
our sex lives our sex experiences better
so if you also believe that we can
change the world since sex then please
join us at make love not porn TV and
help make it happen thank you very much
you