- Setting boundaries is one
of the most magnetic things you can do.
And having a lack of setting boundaries will guarantee
that you might continue to get pushed around
your own desires, your own wants,
your own ways of being aren't respected.
And in this video, I promise you
you will change or at least have a new perspective
of this whole entire dynamic,
know exactly how to heal it,
how to have both internal and external boundaries
so that it completely changes your life.
Now, the first thing, when it comes
to boundaries to understand
is that boundaries are simply our ability to say no
to things that we don't wanna do
and to have that respected
or to at least stand firm in our own level of groundedness.
A lot of times what happens when people go
through a spiritual awakening
or they're into the kind of content that you'd see
on my channel is there's almost a feeling
of empathy where you're able to feel
other people's emotions,
you're able to feel and know what other people are thinking.
And this happens as a form of childhood energy
where maybe you were able to tune into your parents to see
and know what they're feeling and thinking or your family.
Maybe you had to be the glue of your family.
And what ends up happening is we develop this in a way
ability to survive as kids and this ability to tune
into other people and to feel connected to other people.
And a lot of times what that is
is that is our desire to feel safe,
our desire to feel like we're connected to other people,
so that we can create a sense of safety.
What ends up happening though is later on in life
we find it very hard to set boundaries
with people because we have trained people in a way that
the way we respond
is we will do anything for other people.
There are no boundaries that we set.
And the thing with reality is it's very interesting,
is that people are always responding
to us based on what we are putting out.
So if we're putting out the energy
and we're training people,
that it is okay for them not to respect our boundaries
or that they can talk us into things that we don't wanna do
and move us from our own center of gravity
and we let that be okay,
then in their mind, it's okay,
and we're allowing it.
There's this common thing that happens
when we have trouble setting boundaries
that we might blame and tell like other people
are not respecting what I want
or how I am or my me saying no
or even if I am saying no.
And the thing to remember this,
with this, to take our power back
is that we're allowing it.
We're allowing it.
And at first there could be a level of resentment.
This happens a lot with boundary setting
is people may resent other people
because they don't actually project
or say what they're thinking or feeling.
And for a long time, I had friends in my life that I felt
like it was kind of a conditional relationship
where if I wasn't acting or being a certain way
then I wasn't maybe valuable.
And I would find it so hard to say no to friends.
And because it was so hard for me to say no to friends
they got used to me bending
and wavering and then doing what they want.
And then I would resent them
or I would resent myself for saying yes to things
because then I'd feel like I'm not actually doing
what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm not feeling safe in my own frame.
And I build this resentment.
And then, this is why it's also common
after you go through like a certain level
of like starting to set boundaries.
There's like this desire to say like, no.
I will not do this in like a very authoritative way
because there's all this energy that's been pent
up and built up.
But the thing to realize what this is
is that if we wanna take our power back,
we must become aware
that the lack of boundaries was something
that we've allowed and because we've allowed it
and we've trained other people to respond to it.
in this way,
we can now change that,
we can now be in a different way.
We can now choose the way our energy is
and something my shadow work integration coach
has taught me,
I have a coach that I talk to almost every week,
sometimes every other week.
And he's taught me a lot about energy
and confidence and boundaries.
And one of the things he always told me that took me
a while to understand and is he said,
boundaries are internal.
Boundaries are internal.
And I was like, what do you mean by boundaries are internal?
Well, if you have a good sense of healthy boundaries
within you, you don't have to set external boundaries.
External boundaries is when you tell someone,
hey that's not okay that you do that.
No, I will not go do this,
just so you know I'm not cool with this.
That's external boundaries.
Internal boundaries is when you feel it and you know it
and you don't have to set it with other people
because they feel it off of you and they respect you.
Now, back in the day, even when I started doing live events,
I had this thing where I had in the very beginning,
I remember doing my first ever live event in Vegas.
And I did it with some other people.
And it was like an awesome event.
There were 60 people there.
However, at the end of it,
we didn't know what the energy
was gonna be like because it was right
after we all kind of grew on YouTube and stuff like that.
And we're in this cool place in Neiman Marcus.
It was like the Mardi Post
that we had this whole event space.
And it was like a really cool view and everything.
And we're doing this event there.
And what ended up happening is at the end of the event,
after like two hours of teachings and stuff like that,
we then had like a two hour,
hors d'oeuvres were served and it was like a Meetup.
And during that meetup, it was so interesting
because I literally felt swallowed up by everybody
because I had so many people coming up
to me like, hey, Aaron, I wanna, they either wanted a photo.
Or they wanted to like,
tell me about their story and how they found my videos.
But literally there were 65 people there.
And it was like me and the two other people I was with
that were also YouTubers
and stuff like doing that kind of thing.
We all for two hours just felt completely kind of swallowed
up into the energy field
of everybody there that was wanting our like attention
or photos and stuff like that.
And we were, on one hand excited to interact with everybody
and a lot of them were really cool,
but at the same time we were starving.
We were hungry.
At one point I had to go pee and I couldn't even make it
to this end, this back door to go pee.
It took me like 20 minutes to make it there
because every time I took a step
three more people would come up
to me and then I'd take another step.
And I'm like, literally I have to pee.
I have to pee.
And people, it was almost like some people didn't hear it.
And they're like, yeah, but I want to tell you this thing.
And it was a complete reflection
of my own inability to set boundaries
where I tell you right now, this would never happen now,
because I'm much more in my own gravity.
I'm much more in my own energy.
And it's almost like there's a certain level of self worth
and worthiness that I just know about myself,
where that wouldn't even be set.
That wouldn't even be an option for like that to happen.
And it's very different the way I handle different types
of energy now.
And it's because I know my own sense
of self-worth and I know
that it's not my responsibility to appease everybody.
And sometimes to just understand
some people just don't have the context for like,
maybe some people don't have context for where,
what the the situation I'm in.
Like imagine being at an event and 60 people are coming
up to you in a certain energy
and you feel guilty or bad about saying like,
no I gotta go do this thing over here.
I gotta go pee.
Or I need to eat some food.
We had like these hors d'oeuvres.
And we weren't even able to eat the food
because there was just so many, so much stuff going on.
And some people just don't know, oh, like maybe he's like
maybe he needs to like, eat some food or something.
Well, give him a couple minutes to eat food
or something like that.
Like, there's not that context there
because I'm not expressing it energetically.
And I almost don't even,
I didn't even feel worthy to even say that.
I felt obligated to like, just spend two hours
like going in circles and stuff,
even though my own needs weren't being met,
of peeing and having food.
So this is an interesting dynamic
that we can become aware of
and understand that the more vulnerable we are,
now I'd be like, you know what?
I totally wanna connect with you.
However, I need to go eat real quick.
And I'll be back in a couple minutes.
Totally excited to connect with you, but I have to pee.
I'm gonna be back in five minutes probably.
I'll be back and then leave.
Like I couldn't even say that because literally other
people's energy I felt responsible for,
because that's normally
how people that have trouble setting boundaries feel.
They feel like they're responsible
for how other people think and feel.
And now one of the most powerful things you
could do to not get pushed around anymore is,
is to stop abandoning yourself and to start living
according to your own values.
Start living according to your own frame,
your own frame of reality
is like your own sense of like you being in your body,
in your own heart and knowing who and what you are.
And as you live, according to that
and you live according to that like credo in a way,
other people will feel that magnetic energy on you,
they'll feel that sense
of gravity and just become aware of it.
Recently, I also found we were, I just got back
from Cabo and we had an interesting,
we had an interesting dynamic there
because I went with my girlfriend, Heather,
and then our friends, Patty and Victor.
And we were in Cabo for like five days
and it was awesome,
but we had this interesting dynamic that happened
because a few of us were tired.
I have a lot of energy just like naturally.
And sometimes I get tired,
but like I wanted to go jet skiing so freaking bad.
I love jet skiing.
So much fun to go on the open water
in Cabo and just, you know like, so I booked jet skis.
And I think there's a couple different layers
to this now that I think about it though.
I think sometimes I feel like
I'm the I dunno how much I need to go into this.
But sometimes I think in the friend group,
I'm like the one that like,
I'm like a, I guess you can call a controller.
There's this whole longer thing
we can go into.
It'd be more like a podcast episode,
but it's like controller, promoter, analyzing, supporter.
It's called the personality matrix.
And I'm definitely much more
of a controller than I am a supporter.
Those are normally the opposite.
Same with analyzer and promoter.
But basically sometimes I guess I feel a responsibility
within my friend group to plan everything out,
to keep everybody like happy
and all of us engaging and stuff like that.
So I plan a lot of things.
I'm the one normally tipping
and taking care of a lot of different things.
And I guess I just naturally feel a responsibility.
So one of those responsibilities
was like let's go jet skiing.
So I planned out jet skiing for like two days
from like, you know, we were there
from Monday trough Friday
on like Thursday, wanted to go jet skiing.
And when we were planning out this jet ski experience,
when I was planning it out, I didn't really ask
or think like, what does everyone else wanna do?
Does everyone else have energy for this?
And I just really wanted to go.
So in a way it was a kind of,
I can see now how it was so somewhat manipulative
because I was like pushing for it.
And then everybody, some people were like,
yeah I guess I could jet ski.
But some people may, what we learned
from this situation basically is right
before we're getting ready to leave for the jet ski,
my friends Patty, and Victor,
they didn't wanna go.
They were kind of tired
and that kind of brought some stuff up within me.
'Cause I'm like, well, I planned it, blah, blah, blah.
But then I had to understand,
well, like I'm the one that really wants to go
to this thing and I can't expect everyone else to come.
And they were literally going to come
because they didn't wanna, like,
they didn't wanna like bail out.
But what it ended up happening is I realized
that I was like, no, I don't want you guys to come
unless you guys actually want to come.
I made that very clear.
And then they ended up not coming.
I went with my girlfriend, we had an amazing time.
And what that brought up was just
like the ability to express
that we don't need to spend time all the time together.
That's what we've kind of felt.
We kind of felt like we're all best friends.
We need to spend all this time together.
And what we realized is there's times where we just like
I just wanna spend time with my girlfriend
and that he just wants to spend time with his wife,
but we were like afraid to like mention that.
So we realized we have to be more clear with each other.
We have to have more boundaries in that way.
And that's what ended up happening.
And we got a lot of clarity.
Ended up being a very good thing.
My girlfriend had ton of fun, jet skiing.
And after being on jet skis
I knew they would've hated it
because it was so,
the waves were so big that like,
it was like, I just know that they wouldn't have liked it.
So it was like,
they trusted their intuition and that was good for them.
But I had to become aware
of my own desire to manipulate other people
to do what I want to do,
because it's almost like I'm such a,
I'm a promoting controller.
So I'm such a promoter that like want other people to like
get excited about things that I'm excited about,
but not everyone's excited about that.
So when it comes to boundaries,
the thing to remember with this whole process
is are you honoring yourself?
And can you be in your own frame
and not need other people to like
honor what you wanna do in order for you to be happy?
And I realize I don't need anybody else to like
do exactly what I want to do for me to be happy.
And that's an internal thing
that you become aware of.
So not being pushed around
there's these different elements to it.
But one of the things you wanna do is become aware
of where's my energy, where's my own frame.
What do I wanna do?
And simply start honoring that
within yourself and then start letting go.
A lot of times, there's an abandonment energy
there where we feel abandoned when we're kids.
Our parents either emotionally or physically abandoned us.
And then from that
we started abandoning ourselves to make other people happy
because we started it.
We had to feel safe in our environment.
And the only way we feel safe in our environment
is by getting other people and feeling
into what other people feel
to get their validation or approval.
And the magic is when you start pulling your energy back.
You pull your energy back and you stay in your own frame,
in your own body and you start to become confident.
Confidence is a core.
The more confident you feel
the easier it is to set boundaries.
Now it is so much easier for me to set boundaries
because I have more confidence within myself,
more of an inner knowing.
Remember the word confidence literally means trust,
to trust yourself.
And when you're living to certain levels of integrity
and values it is much easier to trust yourself.
That's the magic of this, is trusting yourself.
Now on July 1st, the 21st,
I'm gonna be doing a brand new 21 day confidence challenge.
So if you wanna find your own frame feel safe
in your own body, trust yourself, trust the universe
and also learn how to remove fear
and doubt so that you can be in this energy,
so that you can either attract love,
have a deeper relationship
or attract the abundance that you want.
Then join below, go to erindowdy.com/confidence.
Now is the best time to joy to get lifetime access to it.
We are gonna have many live sessions.
What makes this different
is this is about things you actually do
in a safe container so that you can heal
and then also wire in this new confident use,
so that you're completely different
in 21 days from now.
This isn't about passively watching videos
and intellectual concepts.
This is about embodiment.
So if you wanna join the 21 day confidence
challenge you can do so here or below.
And then also there's a video that makes boundaries
so much easier to set.
It's one of my most popular videos on setting boundaries.
Check it out here.
In this video, I'm gonna be sharing
with you five, not 10, but five reasons
you must set energetic boundaries.
Now, first off, let me explain to you a little bit
of where I was not that long ago
and what it's like now that I have set.