By the end of this video,
you're going to know how to spot the hidden signs of gaslighting.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney and also a narcissist negotiation expert and
I have helped thousands of people go from drama, trauma and chaos
to step into lives of freedom, possibility and purpose and
if you want to do the same thing,
then, feel free to subscribe, and hit that notification bell.
So, let's talk about gaslighting, What is gaslighting, anyway?
Well, gaslighting is something that all narcissists use,
it is a really disgusting way of getting someone
to just completely doubt their reality,
it's a way to destabilize people, especially in negotiating and
that's what I talk about, that's what I teach people how to do.
I've seen people be destabilized in negotiating.
What happens is, they just like, start to question their own mind,
so the way I've seen it used, in a number of different ways,
but basically it is,
“We talked about that”, “Don't you remember?”
“I don’t remember talking about that”,
or they take like, threads of things and
they say “That happened this way, or that way” and
it didn't really quite happen that way, or this way and
they kind of deconstructed and reconstructed it a different way and
so you just start to question your own mind and
it actually came from a movie and
also a play from like the 30’s or 40’s, it was actually called “Gaslight” and
the husband was trying to get the wife to think that she was crazy,
so he would blow out these gaslights and she would say,
“Wasn't that just lit?” and he would say,
“No, no, I wasn't”.
That's how that term actually came about,
he was actually trying to make her think she was crazy.
So, that actually has happened to me a number of times
in various relationships with covert narcissists;
my actual least favorite,
because I've had to deal with covert narcissists myself.
So, what are the hidden signs of gaslighting?
Well, so what they will do is, they'll say something like,
“Oh my goodness, you're so sensitive, you're so overly dramatic”,
like, basically just trying to make somebody feel like
they have no right to feel that way and
they just kind of like weave it in in a way that’s sort of like,
“Oh, where did that come from?”
It is a way of gaslighting and
it just sort of like makes you sort of question like,
“Where did that come from?”
It's like a little poke and it's a little way to just sort of like
make somebody feel like they have no right to feel that way.
Gaslighting is a little way of something covert narcissists definitely use and
with covert narcissists they always have this way of using plausible deniability
so that if anybody ever questions it it's like,
it just seems like, “What? I didn’t say anything”
“It doesn't seem that bad”,
their space seemed so nice,
nothing ever seems out of place,
no hair ever seems out of place, nothing ever seems bad,
but the person themselves are kind of questioning what's going on.
Another one is like projection and deflection,
you bring something up and they just sort of change the subject and
all of the sudden, you're not talking about what you wanted to talk about and
so, it's a way of sort of putting that person down and
letting them know that they don't matter to you,
but, you just didn't really realize what happened,
or they kind of question the way you brought something up,
or the tone of the way you brought something up and
so, it's a constant sort of way of belittling you,
so you never really get to talk about what you wanted to talk about,
your feelings don't matter, or whatever it is you wanted to bring up
never gets talked about, but it's just constantly shifted,
but it's because of the way you brought it up,
when you brought it up, how you brought it up,
it's just constantly projected off into something else,
or we'll talk about it later.
That's a way of sort of gaslighting you as well.
By the way, I have a whole video on how to Gaslight the narcissist,
how to flip that script and
you can definitely check that video out if you'd like.
If you are so ready to turn the tables on narcissists,
I know you are so ready to turn the tables and then,
another way, is like
“This never happened” or “That never happened”,
they twist the way things happened,
they want to record your conversations,
but then, they accuse you of being petty, which is very interesting.
It's just like you constantly feel like you need to defend yourself
when you're dealing with them and,
here's the thing, narcissists, they all engage in gaslighting,
that is just something that happens with narcissists,
it is something that they all do,
they just can't help themselves,
it is part of their DNA, there's just something off...
You just feel it when you are dealing with them,
that sort of thing in your chest, or that pit in your gut,
it's just always happening and they do come from this premise,
that all people are manipulative,
that's just how they feel all the time,
they feel like they're protecting themselves from being manipulated,
because they feel that all people are manipulative.
I mean, they come from this place of survival,
that's how they are in the world.
It’s kind of a sad thing, it is. But you can't save them.
I know, I see you empaths out there,
I know you think that you can, but you can't,
just don't think that you can,
just protect yourself,
do what you need to do to protect yourself.
Start by grabbing my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com and
it's a free e-book and don't do this alone.
Go to my free Facebook group, and join that,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Subscribe to this channel, subscribe, hit that notification bell,
so that you can get new content every single day
when I upload new content.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
Remember that you can slay this, because you definitely can,
mindset is everything, I say that every single day,
I say that to myself when I wake up in the morning,
whether you think you can or you can't, you are right.
So, which are you going to choose?
Remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
Defend your light with your life.
Remember to slay, you got this.
I will definitely see you in the next video!