i uh i don't think there's a man woman or child alive today who doesn't enjoy a tasty beverage
ah perfect and right on time here we go dear dave leonard begins my wife and i are interested in uh
what that thing is that goes up and down in the background when you first come out for the show
and whether anybody has ever gotten whacked by it uh this is best regards paul benoit
fayetteville arkansas paul is talking about this thing here i don't know if you can see
it you see that thing it goes look at that it goes now now it's going down and in a couple of
seconds see it goes right right back up you know it'll go right back up and it's one of
them sears automatic garage door opener deals i you know i've been a television a long time
i have no idea what you what you call that but the truth of it is you know it can be a hazard
and i won't lie to you we've had a couple of ugly episodes watch take a look at this tape
wow i'm telling you we are still doing the paperwork for the insurance company on that one
uh letter number two dear dave letter number two by the way we
refer to number two as the deuce that's what we call it the deuce
letter number two is the deuce dear dave what does biff be talking about biff henderson one
of our stage managers what he always seems to have a scowl on his face lately chris
schmidt cheektowanga new york cheektowanga chris schmidt well i don't know if that's true where is
biff henderson biff are you are you around buddy there he is hey biff how you doing pal bye dave
got a letter here that says lately it seems like you always have a scowl on your face
is uh is something wrong something troubling you uh dave i've got a nagging medical problem
and it's kind of painful uh the doctors can't figure out what to do with it oh my gosh well
you can't be too careful these days and i i uh you know i don't want to pry but i certainly
do hope whatever that is clears up and i'm sorry to embarrass you thanks dave thank you
now that's comedy we are still filling out the paperwork for the insurance on that
and i'm saying kids that's hey kids out there you kids out there 10 11 years old
thinking one day you'd like to have a tv show that's comedy you see what happened there
he had like a lobster hooked to his ass
kids can thank me later but my god that's comedy at its
finest right there had a lobster hooked to his ass
in rehearsal we tried a bluefish
went right to the lobster huge laughs
dear dave what exactly do you do after the taping of the show ryan uder
east islip new york well what do i do after the show excellent question we get this a lot and uh
i can show you watch the video tape here's what i do after the show
jerry jerry do you mind signing an autograph it's for our son casey thank you very much this will
mean so much to him thanks mr springer thank you very much thank you thank you springer thank you
you know what we should have done
should have done there somebody make a note we should add a lobster hook to my ass for that one
i wish i had a lobster hook in my ass now
oh man you can't but comedy ain't comedy if you don't have a lobster hook to your ass
uh letter number four this is the quad this is the quad letter number four is the quad right
number two is the deuce number four is the quad okay uh dear dave i often see you threatening to
replace your studio audience in the middle of your show because of their bad behavior
but have you ever actually had to do that tom frick cumberland maryland tom
uh let me just reiterate that as a rule tom we get the very best audiences in television now
wait a minute okay but don't kid yourself
occasionally occasionally even among the nicest people there could be a disturbance now
when that does happen we try to handle it as discreetly as possible let me
let me show you what happens if somebody for one reason or another is acting up
where is there a guy that guy right over there stand up sir
yeah let me see you right over there where are you there yeah right hi how are you not you sit down
i need to talk to the guy with the lobster hook to his ass
what's your name sir uh scott okay now scott uh you've been uh beautifully behaved but let's just
say that something goes haywire and you're making a fool out of yourself and we have
to talk it over a little bit we have to take a little time out here's how that works boys
take care of it will you all right first we get a couple of cbs pages there we go
now the pages take him right outside to 53rd street okay here now
here's where the fun begins let's see what scott's up to now
got a couple of new york city cabs that's a regular
uh one-inch chain you can get it at any hardware store in america
you see one heads for the hudson ellen goes to the east river and that's a little policy
thanks for helping out by the way scott okay close up the cbs mailbag here we go
let us