The letter "vav" is also the number 6--
short top, long tail.
Short top, long tail.
You could have here, in Hebrew,
"666" on the can.
And look at it this way.
Even if the "M" was not the issue,
you cannot deny that that is a cross.
And what is witchcraft?
When the cross goes upside down.
Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs. Hmm.
Eh, it's not like Jesus Juice
has such a glowing reputation either.
That crusader is Christine,
and like every woman in the world,
she might be reading into things
a little too much.
My true fans know this show is full
of hidden messages.
Not much is known about the devil,
except that he is the root of all evil,
has an awful goatee, and wears Prada.
All signs point to it being Kanye.
God is like your strict father
who is always disappointed in you,
and Satan is your fun uncle
who eventually rapes you in the butt.
If Jesus wants to appeal to a younger demo,
he's gonna have to start showing up
on something cooler than toast.
Hell just seems like the place to be.
None of that annoying harp music.
Did Lucifer fall from Heaven,
or did he jump
because he was tired of playing bingo
with everyone's boring dead grandparents?
And say what you will about Satan worshippers,
but nobody's ever been blown to smithereens
just for drawing a cartoon of him.
I don't know why Christine cares
about saving BMXers and gamers
from the clutches of Monster Energy drink,
but I'll fly her to L.A.
as long as she promises to say more crazy [bleep].
And if the devil doesn't like it,
he can sit on a tack,
in this week's Web Redemption.
[heavy metal music]
♪ ♪
I should've known you worked for Red Bull.
I don't. I just got an amazing deal.
You wouldn't believe how much a car depreciates
when you weld a giant soda can to the top of it.
I'd believe it.
Thank you for coming.
I'm trying to develop my own energy drink.
Celebrities are putting their names on these things,
and they're making tons of cheddar.
Do you know what the biggest problem I had with your video?
That every single thing you said made sense to me.
[snorts] Okay.
Your delivery was polished.
It made sense to even people that probably thought
you were a nut job.
I apologize, but there are some.
It was, yeah.
And then how you finished it.
Bottom's up.
And the devil laughs.
(Daniel) It was just a perfect punctuation.
God gave me that gift
to be able to present it in a way that was perfect.
And then he said, "Okay, now is the time
where you're gonna go viral ."
There was a spiritual agenda here.
And it goes right back to the Bible.
It's not flesh and blood we war against.
It's the principalities of the air,
and if you're not familiar with that--
- I'm not. - Those are demons.
Oh.
As a good Christian,
what energy drink should I be drinking?
Mountain Dew.
- Ugh. - [laughs]
I think Christians should only drink lemonade.
Well, of course, lemonade's good.
It's nice.
What else makes the devil laugh?
Your show.
[laughs]
TOSH: Taking Others Straight to Hell.
Thank you?
I don't know if that's a compliment.
It's not.
What are the biggest problems facing society today?
Things like your show-- immorality.
You're putting a lot on me.
Yeah, I am, because you are--
You ever seen South Park?
You're right in with that.
But South Park is way worse.
You're still in the same genre.
When the rapture comes, who's getting it first?
Will you get to go?
Who are the first people that are gonna--
Will you get to go?
The rapture is not gonna come while I'm still alive.
According to the Bible, it will.
How do you know when I'm gonna die?
Boom.
Are you worried that your video has helped
the sales of Monster Energy drink?
No, but if the world wants
to increase it, go ahead.
I would be interested to hear what first quarter sales are.
Yeah.
My biggest fear is that I speak to someone
and I do not share the gospel with them
and they go to hell for it.
My biggest fear is monsters.
Not the stupid drink,
but actual monsters.
Have you ever tasted Monster Energy drink?
Yes, I have.
I did when I first started doing the presentation.
I figured I had to know a little bit
of what I am talking about.
I have never tried it.
- Okay. - For the record.
There's no question that
people that buy this stuff regularly
will not succeed in life.
Do you think the head CEO of a company is,
like, calling his personal assistant,
"Hey, I'm out of Monster Energy drink in here."
No, he's asking for some tea.
All right.
Oh, whoa!
I'll be honest with you-- that was cool.
Okay, now--
Was that the beast?
Can you see the connection
when you actually put the cross
with "Unleash the Beast"?
666.
There is no doubt that you are accurate about the 666,
but, I mean, they did it because they're ad execs,
and they're a bunch of geeks
sitting around, trying to be cool.
Or, if God uses people in product, does also Satan?
He doesn't do that.
Here, I don't want us to have to actually--
Now what are you gonna do?
Well, we--I don't want us to swallow this garbage.
I just want us to taste it.
[demonic laughter]
Keep it down.
Okay, let's just-- bottom's up.
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
All right, Christine, I need another set of eyes
to make sure there's nothing subtly offensive
or sacrilegious about the energy drinks
that I'm trying to create.
Okay, this one-- ow, ow!
It's called Stigmata Soda.
See? It pokes you--
I get it.
Muslim Milk.
This is a winner.
But energy drinks are not milk.
I don't understand your concept.
- Muslim Milk. - I know that.
Muslim Milk. Hummus flavored.
It's actually-- I'll be honest with you,
this tastes 1,000 times better than Monster.
This one's called Jewy Juice.
"Israeli refreshing."
Not bad, right?
What's the punch line?
"Is...raeli."
This one--I don't think there's any way
you can say that there's anything...
- Offensive. - Sacrilegious about--
Oh, no, there's definitely gonna be
something offensive about it.
This is Dr. Huxtable's Anti-Energy Elixir.
(Christine) What happened to his eye on there?
Bill Cosby is blind as a bat.
I did not know.
Yeah, he can't see a thing,
except for, apparently,
the bottle of Quaaludes in his nightstand.
This is Alabama's Ice-T's Nuts.
A tea-bagging tradition from our family to yours.
Roll T.
All right, Christine.
I really appreciate your feedback.
I think I finally understand
the direction I need to take my brand.
Well, let's do this.
Let's put the word "TOSH" on it.
Look at the acronym. TOSH.
Taking Others Straight to Hell.
Why do you keep saying that?
Because it is true.
Introducing Satan's Semen.
Coat your throat with Beelzebub.
(man) Now with unholy levels of caffeine
and throbbing veins for better grip.
Served exclusively on United Airlines
and at participating Chipotle locations.
Currently banned in the Bible Belt.
[demonic laughter]
[gags]
That's real.
The devil is a lie!
That was recorded a month ago,
and all we ask of anyone who comes on this show is,
don't do anything insane before it airs.
So what did she do the day after she left here?
Celebrate the seventh Texas Muslim Capitol Day.
We are honored--
[cheers and applause] - Thank you.
I proclaim the name of the Lord Jesus Christ
over the capital of Texas.
I stand against Islam!
Islam will never dominate the United States,
and by the grace of God, it will not dominate Texas!
You are officially unredeemed!