I wanted to give you some real ideas on what it looks like.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung
and I am an attorney.
I'm also a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel and in these videos,
I give you real powerful tips and resources
on how to actually take back control with narcissist.
I’ve helped millions of people go from
lives of drama, trauma and chaos to
lives of freedom, possibility and purpose
and I want to do the same thing for you,
So make sure that you subscribe to this Channel and
hit that notification Bell
so that you can make sure to
grab life by the reins and
break free from narcissist too.
okay, so I want to get real,
I'm going to get real,
sometimes it's hard to have a conversation about abuse and
about emotional abuse in particular,
I mean, a lot of times, people only really want to
talk about certain types of abuse and
emotional abuse,
especially when you are in a toxic situation
I've practiced law for a long time and
they talk about “no-fault divorce”,
and people like “fault doesn't matter”
and all that sort of thing.
And first of all, I want to dispel a myth
because a lot of times people think,
“Well, no-fault divorce means fault never matters.”
And that's definitely a myth
because no-fault just means that
you don't have to prove fault
in order to get a divorce, like years ago
you had to prove fault in order to get a divorce.
No-fault means, you just don't have to
prove fault in order to get a divorce
years ago you had to have certain grounds,
like abandonment or something like that.
Now you just have to say,
irretrievably, broken or whatever,
but it doesn't mean fault never matters
fault can come into play.
for sure, here are times that fault can come into play.
Now, emotional abuse is a little bit more tricky though,
because it is much harder to prove in a divorce situation, and
suffice it to say,
emotional abuse is certainly abuse for sure.
And there are times that you can weave it into a case,
Especially if you can look at it in terms
of a custody statute or something like that,
and we will make sure that we put
the domestic violence hotline below for any of you guys,
I want to make sure that all of you guys
have access to that number and
please make sure you take advantage of using it
If you think that you are in an abusive situation.
So, what the domestic violence hotline says is
maybe in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship,
If your partner attempts to exert control by
So that is emotional abuse.
So that is another way that
you can be considered to be in a emotionally
or verbally abusive relationship.
Especially if somebody is constantly accusing you
of doing things just for no reason whatsoever.
I remember one time I had this client and
she almost literally looked like a nun,
she was this older woman who would wear these
cardigan sweaters, like, buttoned up to her neck, and
she had the short gray hair and
she would not wear any makeup and
her husband was this middle-eastern physician
who had been very, very successful,
but she was so sweet and prim and proper,
literally, if she just, spoke to another male
because the other male would say hello to her
in an elevator or something
he would accuse her of having an affair with this other male
I mean, he was so paranoid and so ridiculously, insanely jealous
That was so emotionally abusive.
So, acting jealous like that in a way that's just not rational,
not rational, can be very, very
emotionally abusive to you.
You're not allowed to make phone calls
at a certain time or you're not allowed to
go see people at a certain time.
I remember knowing somebody one time
where the husband would actually take note
of how many miles were on the car
and wouldn't let her drive,
you know, that's so emotionally abusive.
Constantly monitoring you,
putting a GPS on your car, things like that.
Why do they need to do that?
Constantly controlling you, knowing where you are?
I remember having a client one time
where she had been married to a malignant narcissist and
she talked about when they finally got back together,
She had left him,
and then when she got back together with him, and
she thought he had changed and
they were going to therapy and
they were getting ready to go to dinner one night and
under her breath, he said something about lipstick
made a comment about the fact
that she was wearing lipstick,
like that was so bad,
the fact that she was wearing lipstick at all.
Somehow, she was supposed to feel like
bad about that in some way
like she was some sort of,
you know, slut or something, the fact that she had lipstick on.
you know, just horrible.
any kind of humiliation in front of others is bad,
nothing more needs to be even said about that.
Questioning your recollection of
facts, events or sources.
Trivializing your need, If you have feelings
or denying your previous statements
anytime somebody says,
you know, if you feel like you have needs,
And you're saying, this is the way you feel, and they say
that's not the way you feel or
if they're saying that's ridiculous,
or that's not what you're seeing or
anytime somebody is making you feel like you're crazy
That's gaslighting, refusing to listen to you.
That's gaslighting,
making jokes about you, that are hurtful and then
saying that you can't take a joke,
your butt is fat, or whatever.
Oh, you can't take a joke.
Those kinds of things are hurtful.
You know, you see a text message exchange
between your significant other and
somebody of the opposite sex and
it looks suggestive and
you ask them about it and they say,
oh, you know, you're reading too much into it
You're probably not, that sort of thing.
So that's gaslighting.
Any kind of threatening,
you know, if you do this, this is going to happen,
you better stop it.
where you feel in fear, you're worried for your safety,
you're worried that something's going to happen.
Never okay, absolutely, never okay.
Never okay.
if your property gets destroyed,
things get broken,
That's just absolutely never okay.
Again, never okay.
you know, I go back to Maya Angelou quote,
which was always so perfect
when people show you who they are,
believe them, the first time, okay?
and then when they try to say they're sorry,
you know, it's like that narcissist fauxpology
It's probably a bunch of crap and
I have a whole video on
what narcissist really mean
when they say they're sorry
and you can definitely check that out.
Probably sorry, not sorry,
don't believe them, you know,
stand in your power and,
you can put that in the comments,
“I stand in my power”,
put that in the comments right now
“I stand in my power.”
You know, that projection and deflection
or lying and denying always narc moves.
To suggest they're better than you,
They're always going after better forms of Supply,
You know that, right?
To let you know that they can get their better forms
of Supply to try to put you in your place.
And I have a whole video by the way,
on narcissists favorite catchphrases,
which you can definitely check out.
That's, you know, one of the things that they'll say
like, you're so lucky to be with me,
when they say stuff like that is so ridiculous.
Don't believe things like that and
you'll never find somebody else as good as me,
You'll never find anybody else who loves you as much as me,
Those are phrases designed
to try to control you, Okay?
Those are all things to try to manipulate you
destabilize you,
to keep you under their thumb,
because they have no sense of self and
so they're trying to keep you in their power.
Alright, so those are all signs of emotional abuse.
Some people I know who are watching this
are probably seeing a lot of them,
maybe even all of them,
If that's you, for sure, definitely,
take advantage of calling that hotline, and
I do also have a narcissist quiz
here in the description,
and I also have a free “Crush my negotiation prep worksheet”,
which you can grab at “winmynegotiation.com”,
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
Hit that notification bell,
I upload brand new content every day,
And make sure that you also like this video and share it,
so that other people can get access to this information as well,
And I do have a support group in Facebook
“Narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zung” also,
So, I'm so glad that you're here,
Always remember knowledge is power,
You can create the most powerful version of yourself.
Today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
Wherever you are is the jumping-off point,
It is never too late.
Never give in, never give up.
Today is the day, alright?
and I I'll see all of you guys in the next video.