-Hi.
In this video, I'm going to share five simple things you can do to be
unforgettable to a high-value man.
[music]
Hi there. Mat Shaffer, your empowerment, connection,
and relationship coach here.
I am former attorney who's committed his life to supporting women like
you in creating this sort of fun, fulfilling, dynamic relationships
with men that you are so worthy of.
I'm really looking forward to digging into this topic.
Some simple steps you can take to be unforgettable to high-value men.
I used this with my clients and with my students every day and
we're going to dive into it, but before we do, take a second.
Hit that little subscribe button and don't forget to click the
link in the comments and caption.
I have created a great training that I know you're going to love.
Let's start off by looking at what it means to be a
high-value or high-quality man.
These are the type of men that you want to get to know.
The type of men that you want to create a relationship with.
These men, they have a lot going on in their lives.
They probably have a lot of hobbies, they have a lot of passions, they
probably have a big career that they're very invested in, and
they probably also have a lot of women that are interested in them.
High-value men, high-quality men, they tend to be ones
that get a lot of attention.
The question becomes, "How can you stand out from all of the other women
that may be vying for his attention?"
How can you do that in an empowered, grounded way that honors yourself
and helps let him know that you're the type of woman that he is worthy
of being in a relationship with?
What are these other women doing?
What are other women doing to try to get his attention
that you want to avoid?
They may be pretzeling and sort of collapsing their frame in to
him which is basically agreeing with whatever he wants, sort of
doormatting to him, they may be trying to deliberately manipulate him
either by withholding attention or affection like leaning back really
far, or by pressing in and maybe using their sexuality or affection
to try to lure him in and seduce him that way, or they may be keeping
things very surface level and not being willing to go deep with him
because they don't want to scare him off or they're afraid of being
too much so they're not really showing their authentic self to him.
This happens a lot with high-value men, and I can tell you from personal
experience that it's actually very boring for high-value men to
experience women like this because we want to, as high-value men, we
want to experience the true essence of the women we're getting to know.
We want to really feel who they are and be able to evaluate, "Is
this person showing up fully and powerfully in their authentic self?
Is this someone that I want to be in a relationship with?
Is this someone that piques my interest?"
I want to give you some simple things you can do in the way
that you show up to a man that are going to help him really
see and feel and understand you and inspire him to want to be
with you as a high-value woman.
The first and maybe the most important thing you can do to
be unforgettable to a high-value man and set yourself apart from
every one else is be completely unattached from the outcome
of your connection with him.
Be unattached from the outcome of a date and be unattached from
the outcome of the relationship.
I know that might seem kind of hard because especially
if he's a high-value man and he's someone that you like,
you do want him to want you.
You want things to move forward in a powerful way.
I'm not saying you don't get to hold an intention that that
happens, but what you get to do is not be outcome-dependent
on it going a certain way.
Because when you release outcome-dependence, when you don't
make up a story that he has to like you or this date has to go
well, you really liberate him.
You liberate him from your happiness being his responsibility, and
that's a really, really powerful and attractive thing for man.
If he shows up to a date or he starts getting to know a woman and he can
really feel and understand that she's not making her happiness his
responsibility, that's very light and it's very freeing for a man, and it's
going to be very attractive to him.
How can you do that when you're on dates?
You can really show up very present, very curious, very
open to who he is and not try to push him in one way or another.
You really want to demonstrate to a man by the way that you
show up and by the way that you engage with him that you're really
taking in who he is and you're really present in the experience
that you all are having together.
Does that make sense?
If you show up this way, I can tell you from personal experience,
it's not only very attractive to a man, but it also makes him
feel safe like he can really drop in and go there with you.
When a man feels safe, he really starts to get attached
to you, and it's ironic.
By you not being attached to the outcome, he actually will
become more attached and more activated by you and you will
become unforgettable to him
The second thing you can do to really make an impression on
a high-value man is to set him free and inspire him through the
cycle of invitation and space.
This has some similarities to the concept of leaning back but there
are some important differences too.
In the cycle of invitation and space, basically, you want to
be making powerful, positive invitations to a man to have him
step into his power and really take the directive in the relationship.
By using feeling statements, by saying, "It would really feel good.
I would love to go on an adventure with you."
You're making a positive invitation to him on the type of date that
you want to go on, and then after you make a positive invitation,
you then give him the space and you trust him to do that.
This is different than leaning back which is more of a deliberate
withholding of attention or affection to get a man to lean in towards you.
This is you making a powerful invitation, a guided positive
invitation for him to take action in a meaningful way that's
going to make you feel good in some way, and then honoring his
ability to take that action by giving him some space to do that.
The man feels supported, he feels safe, he feels like he
knows what he has to do to make you happy, and he's also being
honored and trusted to do it.
I like to call it, "Throwing the man the ball."
If there's something you want, if you want to go on a specific
type of date, if you want him to text you more often, you really
get to make a powerful invitation.
"I would love to hear from you more often.
Hearing from you brightens up my day and I love having bright days.
Is there anyway we could talk more often or you could text
me more often during the day?"
Then you give him the space to either honor that or not.
When we honor the cycle of invitation and space in connection
with men, you really help give him a roadmap to make you happy
and you get him excited about the prospect and process of doing it.
Another way to be unforgettable to a high-value man is to honor his
hero's journey, because any man who's really going after his life's
work, any high-value man who's operating with passion and purpose
in his life, he's going to be engaged in something of a hero's journey.
If you haven't really studied that or read about it, the hero's journey
is a basically a quest cycle that all men go on in their lives, and many
people go in in their lives where you basically go out into the world,
you slay your dragon, you overcome your challenges, and then you return
back victorious and transformed.
There's some more steps to it than that but it's a quest basically.
Every man is goin to be on some stage of his own hero's journey,
and one of the most powerful ways that you can activate and inspire
him and set yourself apart from other women who may not fully see
or appreciate it is really honoring and cheering him on for whatever it
is that he's taking on in his life.
Really show that you are actively curious in whatever he's doing in his
life, in his career, in his passions.
Be present, ask him questions about it, let him know
how it makes you feel.
Let him know how much you admire and respect him for this huge thing
that he's taking on in his life.
Let him know how cool it is to you that he is so passionate and
so focused on creating what he is committed to creating in the world.
If a man feel seen, respected, and acknowledge by you for what he is
doing and creating in the world, it's going to really set you apart from
other women who are maybe just giving him surface-level praise for his car
or his money or his job or whatever.
Really see him at a deeper level and praise him for that.
See the inner fire that he has and acknowledge him for that,
and he's really going to get activated and inspired by being
seen at that level by you.
Another way to be impossible to forget to a high-value man is to
really show up and be his emotional freedom and his emotional sanctuary.
I cannot overemphasize how important this is because lots of
men, especially men who are up to big thing in the world, feel very
emotionally isolated because when you take on a huge task with your
life, when you're out in the world slaying your dragons, when you've
got a lot on you shoulders, a lot of times, you have to protect your
emotions because vulnerability will get exploited out in the world.
A lot of men feel like they don't really have an outlet
for their own feelings and that nobody really cares because
everybody sees them as so strong.
One of the most powerful things you can do is to be that sanctuary for a
man to put down his walls, put down his armor and be vulnerable with you.
One of the best ways that you can do that is by giving him
permission to be vulnerable by demonstrating it yourself.
Talking about your feelings.
Being open with him about what's coming up for you, what's going on
in your life, and really speaking from you heart on a regular basis
and demonstrate for him how to do it, and then asking him questions,
asking him how the events of this day made him feel, really digging down
with him and getting him to put words on it, and encouraging and inviting
him to be vulnerable with you.
Another way to get a man to drop his walls emotionally and
connect with you and be vulnerable with you is through touch.
Physical touch as a primary love language for most men is a really
powerful tool, especially if a man has a lot on his plate, he's
holding on to a lot of tension from whatever stress he's got.
Holding a man, petting a man, being there physically for a man
in a gentle, soft, nurturing way is one of the most powerful ways
to get him to relax and drop into his body, which will then allow
you to connect with him verbally and start asking him about his
day, asking him what happened, asking him how it made him feel.
It's a really powerful tool you can use.
If you can get a man to feel safe, and feel like you're
someone he can confide in, and you're someone that he can open
up to emotionally, you become an invaluable part of his life.
You set yourself apart from all the other women out there who
just see him at a surface level and that he doesn't feel like
he can be truly vulnerable with.
One more powerful way that you can make yourself unforgettable to all
men that you are looking to get to know is to ask better questions.
Ask deeper questions.
So often in life, and especially in dating, we're
asked surface-level questions.
We're asked the standard questions.
What do you do? Where are you from?
Basic questions like that.
If you can ask deeper and better questions, you're going to
set yourself apart from 95% or more of the women out there.
Ask questions that evoke stories from men.
Ask him questions that get him to connect with his
passions at a deeper level.
Say he's into tennis.
Ask him why does he love tennis.
Don't just ask him who his favorite tennis player is.
Ask him what is it about tennis that he loves.
Why does he connect with it at such a deep level?
Get him talking at a deeper level about why that sport
is so passionate for him.
Get him talking at a deeper level about why this sport really
hits him in such a deep place.
As he speaks from his heart and from his passion, you've activated him
and you've made a connection with him that maybe other women haven't.
By the quality of your questions, you determine the quality of
your relationship and the depth of your connection with him.
Don't be afraid to call him out on aspects of his worldview
that maybe you don't agree with.
Be willing to challenge him in a playful, inviting way on
differences between the way you see the world and he sees the world.
If he can see and feel through your questions that you're a
passionate, deep woman who wants to really see and experience him
at a deeper level, you're going to become someone that makes a really
big impact on him and someone he's going to want to get to know better.
It's a really powerful way to set yourself apart and
become unforgettable to him.
If you do any one or more of these five simple things, you're going to
make a huge impression on him, set yourself apart from other women,
and become someone that he has a very difficult time forgetting.
First off, be consciously unattached from the outcome of
dates and interactions with him.
Be curious. Be present. Be open. Be playful.
Take him and see him for who he is without a relationship,
without a discussion having to go a certain way.
If he sees this, it takes the pressure off him because
you haven't made your happiness his responsibility.
That's very attractive, very activating, and it's going to
set you apart from a lot of other women out there who are pressing
him for a commitment, or they're pressing him for a certain
outcome at the end of a date or at the end of a series of dates.
Secondly, set him free through the cycle of invitation and space.
Instead of leaning back and withholding attention in a
manipulative way, which is what a lot of women tend to do, invite
him through powerful feeling statement invitations to take a
specific action, to move forward with you in a powerful, masculine
way, and then honor him and give him the space to do it.
Let him know what you would love to see or feel or experience with
him, and then lean back a little bit [chuckles] and give him the space
to do it, but in a welcoming way.
Thirdly, honor his hero's journey. He is out there on a quest.
In whatever stage of his career, in whatever stage of his life he
is in, he is overcoming obstacles, he has a vision, and he is
out there slaying his dragons.
The deeper you can see, honor, and acknowledge his personal hero's
journey and let him know that you see that, that you see beyond his money,
and his accomplishments, and whatever surface-level stuff he's created
in his life, and you see where he's going, you see what he's working to
build, that's really going to be a powerful way to distinguish yourself
from the other women out there.
Be his emotional freedom and emotional sanctuary.
One of the most important principles of masculine and feminine
interdependence, what we need from each other is the masculine
is looking to be emotionally set free by the feminine.
How can you demonstrate and be that vulnerable safe space
for him to show his emotions, to speak from his heart?
How can you lead the way with your own vulnerability?
In the way that you show up to him to give him permission, maybe for
the first time in connection with a woman, to really drop his walls
and step into his heart with you.
If you can do that, you're going to really turn him on and
activate him at a deeper level.
Lastly and universally, just ask better questions.
Ask deeper questions. Ask follow-up questions.
Just be willing to ask him questions that challenge his worldview.
Ask him questions that invite him to tell stories.
Ask him questions that get him to speak into his passions,
speak into his purpose.
The more you can do this, you're getting him to access deeper things
within himself when he talks to you, which makes him feel more
inspired and more activated in his connection with you, which
gets him to see you differently.
How people feel when they talk to you changes and transforms
the way that they see you.
You can use questions as a tool to really inspire and evoke him
in a powerful, magnetic way.
I hope you enjoyed these five tips that are going to help you be truly
unforgettable to the high-value men that you're looking to get to know.
If you loved this video, take a second, hit that little
subscribe button below, and don't forget to click the link
in the comments and caption.
I have created some great training that I guarantee
you is going to make a huge difference in your relationships
and connections with men.
Thanks so much and I'll see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.