hi
i don't know how we're supposed to start this kind of thing
you know it's funny i always said you're never going to catch me doing one of those i'm sorry
videos or apologies or or i'm quitting youtube i'm just gonna i'm just gonna stop one day
i'm just gonna stop and i'm just gonna fade into obscurity and then a couple years down
the line everyone's gonna be like who was that one singer who's saying that one song
that was kind of good who i can't remember that's that's how i always figured i'd go
out just just quietly quietly into the night you know
but uh you see the title so here we are i wanted if i were to do this kind of video
i wanted to be joyous happy filled with gratitude and and it's not that i don't have those things
but but i wanted to be quitting you know on my own terms and an opportunity to celebrate
you know that that's what i that's what i would have wanted a video like this to be
but
you know it's it's not
and this this feels so this feels this feels wrong by the way this feels wrong to me because
i get to be on here with a platform and selfishly indulge my desire to have to have connection
and i can't hear your precious words or your important stories i get to sit here and and
pretend that that that my that i have some innate value that people are going to care
right that's why i wanted to fade off into obscurity because because it would reinforce
that i'm not any better but here i am selfishly trying to indulge the fact that i have people
who might so let's milk it let's just let's milk it for what it is you know
and i'm i'm sitting here debating if i should just stop like i should delete and clearly
if you're playing for listening then i didn't delete it i didn't stop
let me get to the point before before i before i psyched myself out because i'm debating
over doing this if i was not going to do it because i just i just needed to do it i'm
i'm quitting youtube because i'm i'm tired
i'm tired
i'm so tired
i'm tired i i'm i'm i'm
ደክሞኛል
i cannot
i know i don't seem like it and i know i don't show it but i every week being put in front
of you if you're a success or if you're a failure
just i just shove it you shove it down you just you just push it down every time you
just push it down
and i can i can tell people you know i just turned 30. i can tell people from my wise
position that i'm in and i can say that i'm not affected by it and i'm not hurt
i'm not scared
and i'm not scared
but i'm terrified
because i i don't have anything i don't have anything special right
i sing i sing other people's songs i sing other people's songs and i do a goofy fun
voice
and i hit notes well
when when are people going to wake up right when are people going to realize that they've
been they've had the wool pulled over their eyes that this is just a guy in with a funny
voice and a and a big beard like when when are they going to realize that it's all ruse
like aha he's just like everybody else
so i'm tired
i don't want to fake it
i'd rather just rather just just just i'd rather just fade
i tell all of you this because i i
i'm gonna i want to retain some modicum of being special
and it manifests in a goodbye video i never thought it would i never thought it would
it's for my own good it's for my wife's good it's for my family's good
that i stop putting who i am and my worth in a platform that is built around numbers
and does not care at all about who i am
i don't think i'll be back
and i don't know if i'll be on any platforms at all
i just
i have to stop i have to stop
i love you all so much
i'm sorry i'm letting you down
i know i was an inspiration to a lot of you
that's the kindest thing anyone says
when a mother comes up and says
my kid performed at a talent show because of you
because he
saw you being
singing and loving it and then that was enough
i hope that kid's all right
okay
i love you all
i guess i'll
see you when i see you
H̷̛̞̆͗̊͑́̂̄O̴̡̫̼̪͚͓̫̻̝̲̫͎̽̔̀̿ͅẂ̷̺͍̰̗̾̆̔̓͊́͛̅̓́̿͝͝
U̵N̴F̸O̸R̷T̶U̷N̵A̵T̷E̶.̷
F̸̠̔O̵͔͌R̷̬͝ ̷̹͆Ỹ̶͇O̴͍̒Ù̶͉,̴̧̋ ̵̦̕
T̸͙̑O̸̞͋ ̵͈͝H̴͓̃A̷̫̽V̸̮̾Ȩ̸̽ ̸̝̓F̷̡͐A̸̛̮L̵̳͑L̴̠̕E̵̜̓Ṅ̶̞
̸̠̑I̸̡̊Ñ̷̰T̸̠̄O̷̭͋ ̸̮͝
S̸̝͋Ǘ̸̗C̴͓̽H̷̤̓ ̴͍͘Á̷̰ ̸̙̒C̵͚̎Ȯ̴̞N̶̼̈Ṿ̸̉Ö̵͕́L̸̢̾U̸̟͋T̸̞̉I̵̲͆O̴̪̾N̷̘̽.̸̕.
A̸͉̋N̸̹͊D̷̛̬ ̸̠͒Y̸̝͛O̵̡̒U̶̫̅.̷̞̈́
O̵͇̤͍̮̒͆͌̄F̶̣̄̆́͝ ̴̗̍͛͋͝A̶̖͔̭͖̿Ļ̴̫̻̔L̸̛͙̰͖̀̃ ̷͚͎͕̓P̵͙̜̾Ẹ̴͓̒O̴͉͔͔͎̅͊̐͝P̴̭͆̆L̸̬͍̖͍̈́̎Ḛ̸͐͊̇̓
̵̰̥̅͑̄͝Y̸̪͒̋͜O̸̤̼̱͊͂U̵͚͕̐̿.̵̼̏̔
H̷E̴R̵E̸
w̴h̵a̴t̶ ̶a̴ ̸w̴a̵s̶t̵e̴ ̸
w̶h̵a̶t̶ ̴a̸ ̷p̸a̷t̸h̴e̷t̸i̸c̴ ̵w̷a̵s̶t̷e̵
No time to dwell.
Although,
clearly,
you're very familiar with the practice.
Why else does one accompany me in this maze?
You know,
it takes a great deal of time to find us.
We are in all things.
Just below the horizon, just beneath the mantle.
The only thing keeping anyone from our domain?
Is "presence"
Unwavering, unfailing, steady presence
That was...
not who you were.
ANDITWON'TBEWHOYOUARE
Here?
This is a place to start over.
To redefine, if you will;
A clean slate.
If only that were true.
All that you deemed familiar,
I plan to nauseate.
To defile.
Each chapter of your life, every door both literal and metaphorical that you did and
will pass through
I maliciously replace with
NOTHING
An inexhaustible well of numbness
covering your every waking moment
You've become like that of a thinker.
Flailing about, and drowning in all your "why"s and your "how"s
So,
We've filled your world with,
Noise.
You wanted to contemplate meaning?
Existence?
THEN YOU CAN BELONG TO THE SHADOWS!
And we will gladly steal away the awe and strangeness of what you once had.
The delights of sense, or heart, or intellect, unfortunately,
weren't enough.
You just had to keep asking.
You will wither,
and you will pass,
and they will forget you
as you will forget them.
The beautiful melodies and silences of a moment,
now and forever,
they divulge into static.
Welcome home.