- I'm so excited to find out where I come from.
- Hello?
Who's there?
- Don't move.
Or I'll put a dusty divot in your chest.
- My mans, my mans.
Pause the tape.
Now this (beep) right here.
The compact SMG, come here boy!
Bro, this gonna make your whole squad
like some doodoo ass default noobs.
Now this (beep) would knock even my hat off my head,
just another crazy part of this trash ass game.
Aight, I'm out.
- Wait, I come in peace.
Me and my entire squad, we are only here to roam
the island and enjoyment, freedom and eat
the gross ass mushrooms off the ground.
- I knew it!
My culture is one of peace and love.
I am so happy!
- What?
You're the most violent person I know.
- Regardless of one's past, we're a squad that forgives.
- Yes, Panda here is endangered, Triceraops people
have all been murdered, Chomp is on the run
after mauling a lifeguard nearly to death.
- Screw you, shark dude, I got a gnarly gash
in my leg bro.
- Tell us what happened, Triceraops.
- Ha, ha, ha, yes, all the dinos must be wiped
off the earth, ha, ha, ha.
- Guys, I have a pretty sketchy feeling about this.
- Shut up, Drift, you're always scared of everything.
Let's put a smile on that face, huh?
- Now come inside with me and I will tell you
the tale of an ancient place called Tomato-tow...
- Now!
Dammit, why am I always dying first?
- I knew it was a trap.
Just like that girl who catfished me.
We met up and she slapped me with a catfish.
(laughing)
- Damn, I know I'm a snack but this is ridiculous.
(guns shooting)
- Holy (beeping)
You know, viking culture has always
been kind of lame anyway.
- Shut up, Drift.
- You shouldn't be mad your culture ended up
being some BSP strap with some lame ass dinosaur.
My harvesting tool.
- Look huntress, sometimes the place a person
comes from doesn't effect them in any way at all
and sometimes people go through life never knowing
where they come from and sometimes people
do find out and realize where they come from
completely sucks monkey (beep) but my point is,
you decide how you let it effect you, okay?
- What do you think that viking was going to tell us about,
an ancient tomato district?
Sounds like it could be tied to the burger.
- Would you shut up about that damn burger?
- I wish, I wish I could, it's haunted me,
haunted my dreams, my consciousness.
I don't know, sometimes I wish that I could
shut up about it, you know you spend your whole
life chasing something and when I finally get it,
I have no idea how I'm going to feel.
I could be up to my nipples in a warm pool of regret.
- This is the strangest car ride I've ever been on.
Why don't we stop talking and listen to my new single,
Love Royale?
(lively music)
- Oh my God, this is terrible.
- Please turn this off.
- I'd rather listen to Little Pump.
- Okay, okay, jeez, everybody's a critic.
I can't imagine you guys doing any better.
Hey, check it out.
Those are the mushrooms that crazy viking
was talking about.
- Good, eat one and shut up, please.
- Noir, you first.
- Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it.
- Okay.
But you all some (beep).
Not bad.
- So why don't we head towards Willing Woods?
- Oh my God, guys, it's the storm!
(dramatic music)
- Turn the car around, get in!
- Noir, hurry up.
Noir?
(dramatic music)