my guest tonight is a very funny
comedian and an actor
who's appeared in numerous shows
including silicon valley
blackish and his own very funny comedy
central series review
now you can hear him on the fantastic
podcast
bananas for bonanza oh yes
yeah please welcome uh a good friend of
our show
and a very very funny fellow andy daley
andy how are you i'm great how are you
conan what's going on i gotta tell you
uh this is an interesting time we're in
and i think you're responding the same
way
i am which is just letting my hair grow
your hair's gotten quite long
it it really has yes it's gotten uh it's
been
seven months or so since i've had a
haircut it's very much
off-brand for me i know you're you're
always the clean-cut look i find myself
doing this a lot now
i'm doing a lot of stuff with my fingers
yes like i'm sort of like a charlie's
angels you know i've been amusing my
children with with this let's see it i
do that
uh pretty good pretty good and then i
tell them about flock of seagulls
and they then the room
yeah no one really wants to hear about
that you know we found this picture of
you
i think this is you in high school um
have you what's the story with this
photo uh
no idea that your picture was being
taken what's going on
well that was junior year of high school
i took that picture
for the yearbook but they gave me a
chance to retake it and i took them up
on that so that's
actually a rejected yearbook photo that
no one's ever seen kidding this was
rejected
i rejected that one but look my hair is
getting back there now
yeah you're getting back there although
guess what you can tell now this was an
innocent young man and when i look at
this guy
the new andy daly the current day andy
daley i see a man who's lost his soul
yes clearly but i want to see if i can
get that smile if i can duplicate that
smile because i don't know what that
smile is trying to communicate what does
that smile say can you get it
it's like what's up future hey future
i'm ready for whatever you got can i
show you one of the weirdest parts
i still have that i still have that tie
why do i still have that top no
that's sad that you have that tie i mean
it sounds
sad impressive it's one or the other
i don't know 60 40. um you just released
an album
yeah i'm a big fan of your work uh i i
love
i love your i've listened actually to
many of your
hilarious monologues uh i've listened to
them i've downloaded them and listened
to them
you've got a new uh album out it's
called four more sweaters
monsters take your questions yes
what is the premise of this comedy album
well i took uh four of the characters
that i do
and i did them on stage at the ucb
theater and they each have like a six or
seven minute monologue and then i turn
on the house lights and throw open the
floor to questions
as the character as the character you
improvise
the answer is now exactly which
characters are you doing on the album
are you doing
a chip gardener chip gardener is one yes
chip gardner is like a
he's an old uh game show host from the
80s or so whose
face has been terribly disfigured in a
botched suicide attempt
and he's uh he's running for
he's running for honorary mayor of
hollywood uh
a position which has been left vacant
for nine years already and he's uh
he's also an avowed satanist and so one
of his promises
uh if you vote for him is to bring
satan's kingdom to earth he
truly believes that satan will rise from
a lake of fire and rain chaos and
destruction upon the world and i'll be
ruling at his side when that happens
he says it all with this nice sort of uh
announcer's voice
and he wants to be the mayor of
hollywood yes the honorary mayor of
hollywood very much a rare position
appointed by the chamber of commerce
just write them a letter and let them
know chip gardner is your man for
honorary mayor of hollywood
does chip gardner have any real talent
you're hearing it right here he's got
pretty good enunciation
and uh that's about that's about it for
talents
uh so he's one of the characters another
character of yours is
uh don demello tell us about don demelo
oh well don demelo is a theatrical
director he is the director of the
radio city music hall christmas
spectacular
and he spends a lot of time uh working
on the rockets
that's the part of the show that don
gets very intimately involved with
the rockets if you become uh if you get
them hooked on a heroine they'll do
anything you tell them to do
you make sure they're all the exact same
heights with the same smile
and they're kicking the legs up in a
perfect time
so he's an old creep who likes to work
intimately with the
rockettes yes that part of the show is
just for daddy
[Laughter]
where did that character come from i saw
the
show that radio city you know it's all
for kids it's got santa claus it's fully
a children's show and then all of a
sudden in the middle of it out comes
this
throwback to the ziegfeld follies leggy
can can dancers and it just seems
like an odd combo right i just thought
yeah that's
i think that's in there for daddy
and there's got to be a guy behind the
scenes going faster
higher more smiles
and the raw cats are saying why are we
in this this is for like
four and five-year-olds he'll do it
you're told
yeah got it no more candy
one of your very popular characters uh
that you've featured on our show several
times
is dalton wilcox who's a cowboy he's a
cowboy
but there's a twist as there always is
with your characters well i'll put on my
uh
my cowboy hat to be dalton wilcox and i
also feel like this character
needs a mustache oh dear but i don't
have uh
i don't have glue for it so if you don't
mind i'm all just going to hold this
mustache in place
we're all doing what we can during covid
so it's a difficult time
but you know a lot of cowboys will do
this a lot of cowboys will just hold
no cowboys walk around holding their
mustache no you're wrong about that coda
a lot of cowboys have to hold their
mustaches in place out there on the
planes where the winds are whipping up
it's hard to keep a mustache down conan
that's a fact
are you saying uh mr wilcox that sam
elliott the famous
with his famous mustache has to be
holding it on all the time absolutely
they say three two one take and he
puts his fingers away but they can't cut
fingers back up there he's got to hold
that mustache on it won't stay there but
for a few minutes
yep well i am uh dalton wilcox i am the
poet laureate of the west
and uh in addition he's like i'm a
cowboy poet you understand a real cowboy
i understand yeah the real american west
not the west you're living in
out there in california i'm talking
about the real west
the real west all right the real
american west and uh
in addition to being our nation's
foremost collector and chronicler of the
wit
wisdom of the west i am also very
unfortunately plagued by vampires
okay this is the part i wanted to get to
dalton wilcox
a very great a poet of the high plains
a wonderful cowboy character but he's
obsessed with vampires and he thinks
that vampires are after him all the time
well i'd say they're obsessed with me
conan and i can't go anywhere but the
vampire doesn't come up and try and kill
me i'll give you an example
uh just just the other day i parked my
truck at a parking meter
and i put a couple nickels in there and
went about my business and then when i
came back
some fella was putting the ticket on my
windshield right that happens
i marched right up to that son of a gun
and i says hey
are you a damn vampire and he basically
said that he was
i knew it i knew the second i saw him
did he say he was a vampire
well he said uh vampire what are you
talking about
and that's what they all say conan
chapter and verse that's what
that's what a vampire always says when
you ask and point blank if he's a
vampire he says oh
no that's what a traffic cop says who's
giving tickets
and who's writing a ticket if you ask
him are you a vampire he says no i'm not
a vampire
i've never run into a traffic cop conan
i've just run into lots of vampires out
there
tickets on my windshield anyway i i
stuck him in the heart with a stake of
wood conan okay
no but he did have time to write the
ticket do i have to pay that ticket do
you know if i have to pay the ticket if
i killed the man who wrote it
uh yes you do you have to still pay the
ticket that's that is
that ain't right yeah okay let's move on
i have a question for andy uh daily if
you're still around
you go in there andy i'm here andy
um i'm just curious
when you look at this kid you have no
idea that all that sickness is inside
him
oh did you know that he looks such like
such a sweet kid
and a tie aside there's no sign of evil
or problem
i don't know i i was going for bono
joshua tree at the time and to this day
i still don't know how i went wrong
um i want to ask you you've got this
podcast that uh
people really do enjoy i find it to be
hilarious it's called
uh bananas for bonanza yes
that's right and that's it's actually a
podcast that the character dalton
wilcock
is he is the host of bananas for bonanza
uh along with uh the great matt gourley
as he plays character named mutt taylor
country music legend mutt taylor
and maria bamford is on there as a
christian entrepreneur named amy
sliverson
and uh the three of them are super fans
of the short-lived television western
series bonanza that says
not short-lived at all sadly well that
you know that show only had 431 episodes
it was only on
it was only on during the 50s 60s and
70s yeah
it's uh so they each episode they go
uh they focus they do a deep dive on an
episode of bonanza we talk about it
scene by scene we really get in depth
there's a lot of these shows right now
podcasts where people go over real shows
and this is sort of a
satirical take on that and you guys
talk about bonanza and it's uh
it's a very funny show i'm curious if
you've heard
from actual fans of bonanza do they know
that this exists
i would have to say no
which is good they might not like it
it's hard to find the real fans of
bonanza although there is there's a
a website there's a forum uh called uh
bonanzaboomers.com and i check in with
it every once in a while just waiting
for
somebody to post on there hey there's a
podcast where each episode is devoted to
an episode
of the show we all love but so far they
have not discovered it
no well i'll tell you what my brother
neil is a huge fan
of bonanza wow and he has a um
encyclopedic knowledge of that show and
whenever i'm with him he makes me watch
a couple of them
so i know a lot more about bonanza than
you would ever imagine
oh really well it is a fascinating show
we've learned a few things we're only 12
episodes in and
a pair it constantly happens that one of
the cartwrights
develops a love interest who seems like
she's going to move to the ponderosa and
be a permanent member of the cast
and she always dies always gets killed
yeah every one of them says i like her
and i might want to marry her
before the end of the episode she's
killed yeah one of them
got a pitchfork to the side and one of
them like
they've been dying of diseases and yeah
it's been fascinating and then the other
thing is that
uh about half the episodes or maybe a
third of the episodes the
story cannot accommodate all four of the
regular members of the cast so the very
first scene is two of the characters
going
well we're off to california good luck
right
right right not getting paid this week
yeah exactly
uh well people should check that out
because it really is uh
very funny uh make sure i get get the
word out uh bananas for bonanza
yes wherever
i was just going to point out the
bananas is spelled correctly
b-o-n-a-n-a-s yes b-o
yes bananas for bonanza
for bonanza and uh i just say bananas
but
exactly that's how i say it yeah review
the complete series dvd
is out now check that out yeah it's
exclusive to amazon that's where you'll
find it
and then i think you and i when we do
get our hair cut should get it cut
together
i think that's a great idea my children
are begging to cut my hair
but i don't see that how i would come
out of that with both ears
is yours getting long in the back mine's
starting to get
there's a lot back here it's quite long
back there
uh yeah we are two very pretty girls
i know i i i think i could do period
pieces i could be a corporate stooge as
long as it's in early 70s
yes thing yes i could say sir we can't
afford to put seat belts on all of our
cars
that's an outrageous idea sir it'll
never work
yeah and this is 1971. exactly
uh andy you're a good man why thank you
um a fine man i've recently learned
that uh when receiving a compliment it's
a good idea to also return the
compliment so i think you're you're
you're
you're fine you're fine
uh that's all the time we have andy
thank you so much
thank you nice talking to you be safe be
well
thank you i really enjoyed that thanks
for doing it