Hey there. This is clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to be talking
about how to make your ex obsessed with you without having to play mind games. Of course,
there are all of these, you know, middle school level videos out there on the internet that tell
you to play, you know, do things like play mind games, use reverse psychology date,
like a million people to make them jealous, all that sort of stuff. If you follow this channel,
you know that that's not my thing. I don't believe in mind games. I think that they set you up for
more challenges later on down the road. And that if you want to have a great strong relationship,
you got to do it right from the beginning rather than using mind games. And then hoping that at
some point that's somehow gets you a great, awesome, honest, transparent relationship.
Hint it doesn't, we're going to get into this. And towards the end of this video, we're going to be
talking about some really specific strategies that you might find helpful. So make sure you
stick around for those, but first and foremost, you want to make sure that you're pursuing
the best life for you, really living into your own values here. Okay. One common denominator about
super appealing people, super attractive people, super magnetic people is that
they're going somewhere in life and they're doing something interesting. Okay. I'm in a fortunate
position where a lot of my clients actually are already doing this. You know, they're, they're,
they're high achievers in a lot of different ways in life, uh, professionally, um, in other
areas of their life, uh, all sorts of stuff like that. So that's really awesome. However,
if there is a part of you that isn't really fully living into your values, whatever that might be,
it doesn't have to be a career thing. It could be a lifestyle thing. It could
be, uh, something else that's important to you. But if you aren't living into your values,
then think about doing that because it's going to be really hard to hook your ex and get them
to actually want to spend a lot of time with you and connect with you and be obsessed with you
if you are out of alignment yourself. Okay. The second thing that you want to do is you
want to have strong boundaries. Now, again, your boundaries are your boundaries. I'm not
going to arbitrarily tell you things like, you know, Hey, don't sleep together and tell
you're in a relationship or something. I mean, that's fine if that's what your boundary is,
but if that's not your boundary than, you know, Hey, Hey, don't worry about it. Um, but let's just
go ahead and take that as an example, because it is something that people do think about, you know,
should you be sleeping with your ex when the two of you aren't actually in a relationship, should
you use that as a backdoor to a connection? Or is it just a set up for a friends with benefits
kinds of thing or whatever, but let's just say that is one of your boundaries that you feel
uncomfortable doing that outside of a committed relationship, in which case. Okay, go ahead and
enforce that boundary. Yeah, absolutely. Let your ex know that, Hey, if you're able to commit to me
in a, in a deeper sort of way, there's something awesome there waiting for you and that you have
high value because you're living in alignment with your values. And you're saying like, okay,
well I feel uncomfortable doing this outside of this context, or I feel uncomfortable,
you know, sleeping together outside of a relationship or whatever your boundary
is. Um, and just let them know that. So they understand that like, okay,
there is something more important to you than just the moment and the, the, the sugar high of,
of connection or the sugar high of sleeping together or something like that.
It lets them know that there's something bigger that's driving you forward. And that, that again
represents some of your values. Okay. It doesn't necessarily have to present all of your values,
but it lets them know that there is at least some sort of value driving you here,
rather than you just sort of blindly reacting to things that they're doing or saying, or stuff like
that enforce whatever your boundary might be. It doesn't have to be the whole sleeping thing, but,
um, it could be whatever it might be and just, you know, let them know what you're okay with,
let them know what you're not okay with and a loving sort of what you don't have to be like
really confrontational about it, unless they're really violating that boundary consistently. But,
you know, at least to begin with just casually informed them of what your boundary is,
then ask them to respect that boundary. Then, you know, if you need to let them know,
okay, Hey, it seems like you're not respecting this boundary. If you keep doing it, this is
what's going to happen. And then, you know, obviously enforced that sole little asterisks
on this here is like, if there's any sort of abuse or anything like that, get yourself out of there
immediately. That should be like a, a really big boundary that a lot of people have stay safe,
stay physically safe, what we want to do as well as we don't want to punish them. If they do, um,
you know, unintentionally step over a boundary, like again with the whole sleeping thing,
sleeping together thing. If they don't know that that's what the boundary is, then, you know, you
don't want to punish them because you don't want it to make it wrong for them to be into you.
You don't want to, to get wrong for them to be attracted to you. Obviously, if you're going to
be in a relationship with someone you want them to be into you and attracted to you. Uh, but if you
have a certain boundary, like, Hey, I don't feel comfortable with us sleeping together outside of a
committed relationship, let them know in a loving sort of way that doesn't make them wrong for that.
Just let them know that, Hey, yeah, that would feel really good. I could see that being a really
great thing. That would be an amazing experience. I'm sure. However, that's just not something I
feel comfortable with, um, outside of a committed relationship. And then you can just shift the
conversation into something else moving forward, but at least you're rewarding them for actually,
you know, being into you. And that's fine because you're, once again, letting them know that as they
commit deeper to you, there is going to be some nice new thing that comes as a result of getting
closer to you as committing deeper to you as committing in a deeper sort of way to you.
So that's, that's something that you want to keep in mind as well, too. We're about to go
ahead and get into, uh, something really interesting that a lot of people overlook,
but before we do that, please make sure you hit the thumbs up button for the YouTube algorithm.
Please make sure that you are subscribed to this channel and, you know, leave a comment down below
as well to letting me know what sort of video topics you'd like to see me make in the future.
If there's enough interest in it, we might just put it in the Q and a and put it out there. Go
ahead and leave a comment down below. Another thing that we also want to do to get your ex
obsessed with you is when we are hitting these inevitable bumps in the road, these inevitable
places where we seem to be at a stand still, for whatever reason, what we want to do is we
want to shift the responsibility on to them. Okay, we're going to shift the responsibility onto
them because it's going to be really, really easy for them to point at us and say, oh yeah,
the reason we're not together is because of this. The reason that we're not, um, going on a date is
because of this. The reason that we're not even sleeping together is because of you because you're
a stubborn person because you can't make up your mind because you are too needy, too clingy,
whatever. But if we can put the responsibility onto them, then they have ownership of it.
That means if things don't materialize, they feel a certain degree of responsibility for that,
which is fine, especially if it's true. And that also empowered the, it does two things.
Number one, it empowers them to actually change it. If they don't feel that they're
getting what they want in the situation. But number two, it allows them the gift of not
liking the outcome and knowing that they might be responsible for it. You know, oftentimes
people don't want to hit the end of their life and end up on some sort of hypothetical deathbed
looking back on their life and say, Hey, what would have happened if so-and-so? And
I actually ended up working things out, what would, what would have happened if I just,
you know, stop being so stubborn. And I just, uh, you know, met up with them that one time,
like people don't want to live with these kinds of regrets. And so many times if we give them
the gift of potentially having that regret and giving them the responsibility for that outcome,
then, uh, they can sometimes switch things up, turn around and in many ways shape up and actually
create a path for the two of you to get closer together with one another.
So, you know what this might look like in a practical sort of sense is, um, you know, Hey,
it seems like you're really busy right now. I'd really love to meet up with you, but it seems
like you just don't have the time anyway, uh, too bad, feel free to get in touch with me when you do
have some time. Okay. So they're, they're being inconsistent about actually choosing a time to
meet up the two of you might be connecting pretty well, but you just shift the responsibility onto
them so that they have to endure the consequences of that, uh, by reluctantly going along with
whatever it is that they seem to be doing, whatever it is, they seem to be positioning
themselves for, uh, giving them the gift of responsibility, giving them the potential gift
of regret and being like totally detached from outcome in the whole process as well too.
Because again, you are focused on your own values. You are focused on living your best life.
And if someone is not able to get on board and to create a path for the two of you to be closer,
that's fine, but you're not gonna, you know, go out of your way to chase them, to pursue
them to the ends of the earth. I mean, you know, sure. You'll, you've asked it a reasonable level,
but if they're just like closed off to it, okay. Shift the responsibility onto them
that way they have to feel the, the, the, the responsibility of it and the potential weight of
living with that regret. Um, and then just go ahead and back off, let them go ahead and live
with that consequence. You know, it might take a little while, but oftentimes they do come around
and that's, that's how you can actually start to get them a little bit obsessed with you, because
number one, you're an attractive person. You're going after your values. Number two,
you have boundaries, there are certain things that are important to you. And there are certain things
that are going to be off limits as the result of having those boundaries. And then number
three, um, if they ever seem to get stuck at certain things like, oh yeah, I'm just like crazy.
Like for some reason, everyone is like crazy busy these days, but oh yeah. I'm just so busy. I can't
meet up this week or something like that. Okay. Go ahead and shift the responsibility onto them
so that they can come around and change things when they're ready, when they feel that pressure,
that weight of potentially regretting all of this and all that stuff. And then just, you know,
be detached in all of this moving forward, because again, you are anchored in your values,
not in their specific response to you. Okay. Um, if this is something that you want
some help with, you might be a good fit for our coaching services. We do have coaching
over at modern love.life/coaching. We actually just recently started a new coaching package. I
think it's actually a really great value for what would be the cost of just doing a one-on-one call
with me. You actually get three coaching calls with coach Fiona on our team coach Francis on our
team. And also one with me as well too. But you can go ahead and check that out over at modern
love.life/coaching. Um, or if you just want to go straight for our top level service,
our commit coaching program, you can also apply for that as well too. It's a long-term
program. We work together with you for a long time. Um, so it is application only.
We want to make sure that we're working with the right people who have the right mindset,
the right personality and all that sort of stuff. So, uh, feel free to apply there as well too. And
we'll go ahead and take things from there. If it seems like you might be a good fit, but anyway,
that's all written modern love.life/coaching link for that down in the description box as well too.
And once again, thank you. Hit the thumbs up button, subscribe, leave a comment down below
letting me know what videos you'd like to see and be, make next, take care. And I'll talk.