Ya know, we get a lot of comments
that are really nice and encouraging,
but my favorite comments by far -
the ones that get me MOST motivated
to keep.. creating for youtube -
are by far these ones here:
"I don't see your videos in my sub box anymore."
"If it wasn't for Twitter, I wouldn't be seeing your new videos."
"I came out of hiding to let you know that I DON'T see your videos anymore."
"What the fuck? I got notified of your upload by email,
I got home and can't find you in my sub box,
and you're not on suggestions. Great video,
by the way," he said. Appreciate that encouragement. I'm gonna need it.
"Good thing I have Twitter notifications on.
Video didn't appear in my sub box."
But when I got this message from Pewdiepie,
just a couple of days ago, he said
"YouTube's unsubbed me
from your channel. I just realized I haven't
seen your videos in a while. This is so fucked."
I mean, THAT'S encouraging.
That makes me really want to get out there,
and create videos for YouTube.
And then especially when you ask YouTube
what's up, and they tell you, "Oh, there's nothing
wrong," THAT feels good, too.
Cause then I know it's MY fault.
That was something I did wrong, and it's my shitty videos
that made Pewdiepie
automatically unsub from my channel.
Now, the channels that I do notice are still
blowing up are ones with, like,
extreme amounts of activity.
It seems that they put more emphasis
on comments and likes.
For example, here's a channel that recently
blew up. He had like, over a million new subscribers
last month. Let me show you what he's up to:
"So before I even begin, we are
known across YouTube for getting a
stupid amount of likes on every video. So I am
challenging you guys. I wanna hit
200,000 likes on this video. Can we do that?
I don't know; you guys should definitely go down to the Like button right now and
SMASH it, because I'm going to blow your mind.
So hit the Like button and let's get into the video."
I am challenging you guys right now!
Can we PLEASE get 500,000
likes on this video?
If I SHOUT louder,
BEG for likes harder, YouTube will
be sure to promote my video!
Okay, so now I have to make stuff?
Do I have to make an entertaining video now, or is that it?
He's begging for likes BEFORE he
even shows the video. What am I
liking for? What's the fucking video?
But this is the shit YouTube's promoting,
because it has "activity".
"Engagement". We talked with people at YouTube;
they say, "Nothing's wrong.
We just favor channels with more
'engagement'. More activity." And it doesn't
make any sense, because then you're promoting
not only begging for likes before
the video even gets started, but
then you're promoting more stuff like this, here, for example:
"YouTube is fucking
BROKEN. Like, it's broken. Basically
like three weeks ago, like a flip of a switch,
my channel, and a big portion of
every other YouTube channel out there,
started getting like 30-40%
less views. And not only that,
but there's, like, an unsub glitch, where every time
we upload a video, we lose subs
immediately. So I need to figure out a way
to survive this motherfucker. So
I decided to do a
giveaway. So to win the $100
Amazon gift card,
all you have to do is make sure you're
subscribed, leave a Like on
this video, and a comment below,
and you can say literally anything you want..."
Now, I'm not hating on Keem - he's just playing the
fucking game - and he's clearly noticed
the same thing I have. So get ready
for way more hot, hot,
$100 Amazon gift card giveaways,
and CAN WE PLEASE GET
A HUNDRED TRILLION LIKES ON THIS
VIDEO?! It hasn't even started
yet, but I'm gonna need you to smash that
Like button! Okay, now, what's.. what video
are we making? Do we have to make..
Do I have to make a video now, or are we done?
[Hila] No, we're done.
[Ethan] Okay, dope. Thanks for watching, guys. Thanks for
smashing that Like button. What do you want from
me, YouTube? Do you want more of
this? Do you want more Zoie
Burgher's? Do you want-- I mean, I felt we got
over the whole clickbait and, y'know,
giveaway thing. Why are we going
back to that? Is this what you want to see?
Is this what you want?!
Is this what you want, YouTube?!
You want some more fuckin' tits and cleavage?!
I thought we got over that!
So, when a new video pops up on the feed,
if people
click it - if a large percentage
of them click it - then it will
promote the video, showing that it has high
engagement, high activity, and it's
"viral". We're going
back to "viral" videos, guys. 2008
called; they want their shitty version of
YouTube back.
*cough*
So, I'm not sure how to title this video.
I'm not sure how-- I'm so
bad at clickbait. YouTube is
coming to my house to MURDER
HILA!
You can only save Hila by
clicking this Like button, and commenting:
If you guys want to save Hila's life,
you have to like this video. We need
500,000 likes or Hila will die.
So I think I'll title this video:
"Hila Will DIE If You Do
Not Click This Right Now" ...Seems
not believable enough. Maybe something like,
"Hila is DYING".
"Hila is Dying and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO".
See, that's believable, because they're like,
"Yo, is Hila okay?" Then they click it,
and then they find out that she's actually
completely fine, and um...
but I got 'em. Cause that's the high engagement.
Gotcha! GOT 'EM!
Maybe you think I'm exaggerating.
Maybe you think that
YouTube wouldn't lie to us.
The proof is on their homepage the whole
time. Let's hop on over to the
"Trending" tab, AKA
the "Paid Promotions" tab.
Let's see what's #1
trending on all of the USA:
"Chiefs vs. Broncos",
NFL's channel.
80,000 views. Woah!
They got 80,000 views in
13 hours?! That's definitely number
one trending video in the whole United
States! Definitely the NFL didn't
pay to put that there!
Or, how about this video, uploaded by
Star Wars? This is #2.
200,000 views in
15 hours? Those numbers are unprecedented!
"Rogue One: A Star Wars Breath TV Spot"
Oh, it's just a straight-up ad! That's
trending. What's #3?
A fucking ad for a movie!
*coughs*
#4: a promotion for Disney's new movie!
Y'know, I logged on Trending today,
and they're having an unusually spicy day
today. They're usually a little
more subtle about it. But the number
five trending places are literal
advertisements, with shit
views. You guys can at least
lie about the views. This
"Dwayne Johnson - You're Welcome"
has 40,000 views in
12 hours, and it's the 4th place on Trending.
I mean, if you don't believe me, guys - if you
think it's all coincidence - they wrote custom text.
For a video with 350,000 views in a whole day.
It's not an ad, guys. It's a mini masterpiece.
That's why it's up there, and that's why we
wrote a custom message about it.
Here's one for AMC's The Walking Dead.
Here's one for CBS Sunday Morning,
and you'll notice these all have shit views.
So let's call-- let's start calling the Trending
tab what it is: the Paid Promotions
tab. Let's-- let's just cut with the Trending
bullshit, and stop lying to people.
I wish they would just explain what they're
doing. Just tell us, what do you want?
What are you doing? But as best as I can
tell, guys, I'm trying to succeed on
YouTube - I want to grow - so
as far as I can tell,
CAN WE PLEASE GET A TRILLION LIKES ON THIS VIDEO,
AND COMMENT #SAVEHILA?!
Tits!
K?
Ass? You know I got that ass, boi.
And also, we're doing a huge giveaway,
I forgot to mention, that anyone in the
comments who writes "#savehila",
may win, um, a million dollars.
I will come to your house, and give you a million dollars.
Don't worry about how I'm gonna set that up,
or where-- I'll know where you live or who you are,
just based on a comment on YouTube.
I'll find you. And I promise you, I will
be giving you a million dollars, so make sure
to smash that Like button.
"YouTube: 2017", guys. Get ready; strap in.
It's gonna be a great year comin' up ahead.