The best thing about shopping for groceries at Dollar Tree is, well, that's it's so darn
cheap, of course.
The worst part about grocery shopping at Dollar Tree is that the selection is somewhat limited…and
that's to say the least.
It's a dollar store, after all, not a full-service grocer, or even a tiny neighborhood bodega.
What's more, not everything at Dollar Tree is going to be worth eating.
Take Dollar Tree's cheese, for example.
Just what makes this cheese so sketchy, you ask?
Well, for one thing, it isn't even dairy.
Nowhere on the package of the store's Sunny Acres American Slices does it actually say
what these are supposed to be slices of, instead, they are characterized as "sandwich slices."
Then there's Dollar Tree's Southgate Beef Stew.
This stuff is meant to be a knockoff version of Dinty Moore, but it fails to live up to
even this low standard.
At some point in the past, a reseller was offering it on Amazon, but the reviewers gave
it a measly 1.8 out of 5 stars.
The one semi-positive review was from a former military member who said it was better than
some of what they'd eaten in the chow hall, but the other reviews said it was "just awful
tasting," with one user writing:
"Not even beef lord knows what that rubbery stuff is!"
If you're looking for an answer to that rhetorical question, by the way, it seems that Southgate
Beef contains "textured vegetable protein product."
Whatever that is.
So how about the coffee?
Well…
"Put that coffee down."
Instant coffee isn't anyone's favorite cup of mud, but you can surely do better than
the store's instant coffee, which is produced and sold by Greenbrier International.
In fact, you could hardly do much worse, unless you decide to brew up something truly, truly
awful.
One reviewer on the BirdEye business review blog, disappointed that they were forced to
award this coffee a single star instead of the zero they felt it deserved, said:
"It doesn't even taste like coffee.
I threw it away and I will never buy it again."
Another dissatisfied customer, commenting on the Yellow Pages listing for Greenbriar
International's HQ, agreed that this instant coffee that she'd purchased at Dollar Tree
doesn't taste like coffee at all.
Instead, she characterized its flavor as "blah."
"Yeah, yeah.
That's gross."
This user then found herself wondering what imitation substance had been used in place
of the 100 percent coffee promised by the product label.
Still, if the coffee's no good, you can always turn to the cookies, right?
As it turns out: no.
Dollar Tree sells some name-brand cookies that have been repackaged in smaller sizes
for the dollar store market, but they also offer a wide variety of generic cookies.
While these tend to have mixed reviews, there are two types of cookies which are pretty
much guaranteed to disappoint.
Of the two, the Stauffer's Iced Animal Cookies do have their fans, but quite a few of the
product's reviews mention that they really skimp on the frosting, and one reviewer said:
"These animal crackers had a very hard texture.
It felt as if I was biting into rocks."
The Lil' Dutch Maid Chocolate Chip Cookies, however, had more one-star reviews than you
could possibly count.
One purchaser thought:
"[There is] something not quite right about these cookies...I felt queasy for hours after
ingesting only one of these."
"Okay, I am going to throw up.
I'm throwing up.
You're making me throw up."
Other users agreed that the cookies had made them feel ill, while other reviewers complained
about the texture, using words such as "horrible," "stale," "old," and "hard."
Finally, Dollar Tree also offers a line of snack cakes ironically called "American Classic,"
including the Gourmet Banana Pound Cake, the Carrot Pound Cake, and the Original Gourmet
Pound Cake.
Unsurprisingly, they all have one star reviews on Dollar Tree's own website.
Comments about these cakes include:
"Tastes like chemicals!
Even the dogs would not eat it!"
Another user wrote:
"Burn taste, dry and unpleasant."
And another reviewer said:
"Literally the worst thing I have ever eaten...the only worth this item has is as a weapon."
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