-Thank you for coming back to the show.
You're one of my favorite people,
so thank you for being here.
-You're welcome.
[ Laughter ]
-You know Jesse? You've met Jesse Eisenberg?
-I have met him, yeah. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-I have something -- you have a big announcement today.
Because you know, you did the documentary --
there was a documentary that Martin Scorsese
did about you on HBO.
But now you are doing a series on Netflix with Martin Scorsese.
That's amazing. I cannot wait for this.
Now this is a big deal. [ Cheers and applause ]
I am your number-one fan.
I'm going to watch.
What is the -- Do you have a title?
Do you have a title?
-We have a title, but for some reason,
I have been told, "Do not say the title."
-What? -So I'm not gonna say the title.
I don't know why. -That's interesting.
Because I want to talk about that show,
and yet we can't talk about the show.
-No. -Is your name in the show?
-No. -No.
-No. [ Laughter ]
-'Cause I would say -- I would think that your name
would be great to have in the show, but it's not.
-Well, I thought of the title, so...
-You know what it is. -I know what it is.
-Can you say what it's about? Can you say when it's airing?
-No. I cannot say when it's airing.
[ Laughter ]
No, not because -- -Why even ask --
-Not because I'm not allowed.
-Well, what the hell -- What can we talk about?
This is insane. [ Laughter ]
-Not because I'm not allowed to say when it's airing
but because it's not finished. -Oh.
-So it will air, I assume, when it's finished,
but finishing it is not up to me.
-No. -It's up to Marty.
-It's up to Marty. -Yes.
-You guys are friends. And he gets together,
and he goes, "Hey, let's just do a series."
And is it based on just what?
-It is a -- It's basically about New York.
-Yeah.
-So lots of it is Marty talking to me.
Interviewing me. It's not only about New York.
He interviewed me on different subjects,
many of which are New York.
-And he just wants to know your theory, your take on things.
-Yes. Well, "take" is one way of putting it.
And then -- [ Laughter ]
-There's probably other ways of putting it, as well, but, yeah.
-And then, it's also me walking around New York,
noticing things.
-How are you and Martin Scorsese walking around New York City?
-No, no. Marty doesn't walk around with me.
He wanted -- He suggested that it would be a good idea.
I suggested it would be a very bad idea.
[ Laughter ]
-So, is he directing you from a remote vehicle?
[ Laughter ]
-Uh, yes.
[ Laughter ]
-How did I guess that? That's amazing!
[ Laughs ] This is amazing.
I cannot wait for this.
So I don't know -- We don't know the title.
We don't know when it's out, but we cannot wait to see it.
Wow. This is -- [ Laughter ]
This is a mystery.
It's a really -- It's a shroud of mystery,
and it's beautiful. It's a fun thing.
[ Laughter ]
I do like to hear your thoughts on different things.
And I was talking to you backstage,
and you were telling me that you recently got off the subway --
Was it Lincoln Center? -Yes.
And this is a lot of what this unnamed show is about.
-Yeah. -Because I've always walked
around all the time, and I've always noticed things.
And other people also used to notice things,
but then, everyone but me got a phone.
And so, now everybody is just looking at the phone,
and they've bequeathed the entire city to me.
They're basically saying, "Fran, it's all yours.
You know this."
-You're the only person paying attention in this city,
not looking at your phone. -Right, so you can notice it.
So, I came out of the subway. I was going to Lincoln Center.
I came out on the wrong side -- i.e., on the opposite side
from the Lincoln Center. Like 67th Street and Broadway.
-Yeah. -And while I was waiting
for the light to change, something I do do,
I notice that on this --
what really is a traffic island,
there were a few chairs and tables.
This is something Bloomberg started,
where he started sprinkling knickknacks
throughout the city. [ Laughter ]
-It's not knickknacks. It's a table and a chair.
-In the middle of Broadway?
And when he first started doing this, people, you know,
in New York thought, "No one is ever gonna sit there,"
but we were wrong. [ Laughter ]
-Can you imagine? People are sitting there.
It's a popular thing. -I know.
So, there are people sitting there.
There's like a couple little tables, a couple little chairs.
People are sitting there, looking at their phones.
And I then turn around, I notice there's a sign.
And the sign says Richard Tucker Park.
Now, Richard Tucker was an opera singer, but you knew that.
[ Laughter ] -Duh, yeah.
Hello! Dick Tucker?
Yeah, we know him. And...
[ Laughter ]
Thank you very much. Appreciate it.
Thank you.
-You were probably on your way to Lincoln Center
and noticed this, too. -Yeah.
-And then, I thought, "Well, this is actually,
of course, not a park. It's a traffic island."
It's as big as this desk. The entire thing.
-That's his park that he's dedicated --
-Richard Tucker Park. That's the whole park.
-Yeah, sure. That's nice. -With a few tables and chairs.
-That's where you go see an opera.
-And the sign has, of course, rules.
-Of the park? -Yes. Rules of the park.
So, I look to see what the rules of the park were.
So, the first one, of course, was no smoking
because who would want to taint this pristine air
that's in the middle of eight lanes of traffic?
[ Laughter ]
-The fresh air of eight lanes of traffic.
Exhaust, yeah.
-You know, the buses, the trucks, the cars.
That's nothing. No smoking.
I knew that it was gonna say that.
And I don't remember the exact order,
and I don't remember all the other ones,
because as soon as I got to "No barbecuing," I was stopped.
[ Laughter ]
So you cannot barbecue there.
-You think there's a lot of barbecuing
going outside Lincoln Center?
-Well, not anymore, because now it's against the law.
[ Laughter ] -Of course.
-There might have been so --
-You can sneak a hibachi in there.
-So now you cannot barbecue there.
So all the people who apparently could never think
to go to the opera without a couple of hot dogs first...
[ Laughter ]
They cannot do that anymore. -They cannot do that.
-These types of things are going to be
what the show may or may not be about?
When it may or may not air?
-It will eventually air. -Yes, it will air.
-I mean, I assume it will. -Yes, of course it will.
-I mean, Marty has to finish it is the thing.
-Yes. -And eventually, it will be on.
-I love you -- -I will never see it,
because I don't have Netflix. [ Laughter ]
-What are you talking about?
[ Applause ]
You have to -- Why are you refusing?
You don't have a phone?
You don't want this stuff in your life.
-I do not. -You don't want it?
-No. -But you're on it.
-So what?
[ Laughter ]
I mean -- -Yeah, but isn't it fun to --
Would you ever -- -Do you watch yourself?
[ Laughter ]
-This is not a lie detector. -All right.
-I don't really -- No, I don't watch myself.
But, you know, I'm happy that I'm available.
[ Laughter ]
I like knowing that I'm available.
But if I felt like watching myself --
-You could? -Sure.
I could -- Yeah, or I can get it --
-This is one of the differences between us.
Otherwise, we're exactly the same.
[ Laughter ]
-I was gonna say, or I could get a mirror, yeah.
But I do like -- I don't really -- but I --
Yeah, no, I don't watch myself.
[ Laughter ]
But I like watching you. And so --
-And you have Netflix. You could watch me.
-But I'm watching you now.
-Okay. So if that's sufficient, don't watch me.
[ Laughter ]
-All right. Well, I will stop watching you now
and look forward to watching you in the future.
Fran Lebowitz, thank you very much for being here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sorry about that. [ Laughing ]
Fran Lebowitz!