-Introducing the Verismo home brewing system by Starbucks.
Simply insert the pod of your choice,
press coffee, espresso, or latte,
and give the machine your name.
-Marsha.
-And when it's ready, Verismo's voice feature will let you know.
-Amorfa.
Order for Amorfa.
♪♪
-We at Roach-Ex know... [ Doorbell rings ]
...there's nothing worse than unexpected house guests.
-Ah, home, sweet home!
-Especially roaches.
-Nice digs!
-They always make their presence felt.
-I'd, um, give it a minute.
-And once roaches move in...
-Oh. Hey, knock it off with the light, huh?
-...they make themselves right at home.
-[ Laughs ]
He will actually say anything.
♪♪
-And before you know it,
they're practically part of the family.
-Race you. -[ Laughs ]
-'Cause when it comes to roaches...
-Hello?
-...let's face it.
-Hon?
-What's yours...
-[ Gasping, moaning ]
-...is theirs.
-[ Gasping, moaning ]
-Yeah! Yeah, roach daddy!
-You had sex with my wife.
-Somebody had to.
♪♪
-That's not good.
-Get out of my house!
-Ah, Bill, perfect timing.
We're running a little low on snacks, buddy.
♪♪
-Bill? Bill, you're drunk.
-Shut up!
♪♪
-Whoa.
[ Legs skitter ]
-Well, well, well.
Big man's got himself a can of Roach-Ex Plus.
What are you going to do with it, Bill?
You going to spray me?
-Shut up.
-Well, spray me, Bill. Go ahead, do it.
Know what? I'll give you a little help.
-You're crazy.
-That's right, I'm crazy, Bill.
You want me out of your house, you just got to push the nozzle.
Do it. -I'll do it!
-Do it, Bill! Spray me! Do it!
-I will!
♪♪
-[ Laughs ]
You can't do it, can you, Bill?
You know why? 'Cause you're not a man.
You're nothing but a -- [ Spray hissing ]
Aah!
♪♪
-[ Sobbing ] No.
No.
-[ Gasping ]
-[ Sobbing ] No!
No! -Son.
♪♪
-So send roaches an eviction notice
with Roach-Ex Plus roach killer.
Roaches don't stand a chance.
-Kids, time to put on your jammies.
-What?
-I mean your Swiffer Sleepers.
-Who said sweeping floors can't be fun?
-Are you guys ready?
-Yeah! -Yeah!
-♪ A-dusting and a-sliding, on the floor you're riding ♪
♪ Here comes Swiffer Sleepers ♪
[ Kids laughing ]
-Swiffer Sleepers,
the crawl-around, roll-around dust picker-upper.
-Emily?
-Yay!
-♪ A-moppin' and a-wheezin', cleanin' and a-sneezin' ♪
♪ Here comes Swiffer Sleepers ♪
-This is your ticket to slide.
♪♪
-Swiffer Sleepers make cleaning floors a family affair.
[ Laughter ] -♪ Here comes Swiffer Sleepers ♪
-Not recommended for children with allergies.
♪♪
-For over 40 years, we here at Starbucks
have brought our passion for fine coffee and espresso
to people everywhere.
But one place was impossible until now.
Introducing the Verismo home brewing system by Starbucks.
Simply insert the pod of your choice,
press coffee, espresso, or latte,
and give the machine your name.
-Marsha.
-And when it's ready, Verismo's voice feature will let you know.
-Amorfa.
Order for Amorfa.
Amarella?
-Uh, Marsha?
-Uh...yeah.
-Thank you.
-And if Verismo gets your order wrong,
simply get its attention and walk it through the problem.
-This is tea. I ordered a latte.
-Okay. So, one tea, one latte?
-No. I just --
No tea. I just want the latte.
-Uh...
Okay. Hold up.
-Once Verismo says, "Hold up,"
you're only nine minutes away from getting your coffee.
-She said she don't want no tea.
-She said what?
-And from the makers of Verismo comes Verquonica,
a larger, non-functional machine
for Verismo to talk to about you.
-Why she ax for a tea if she want a latte?
-I don't know, man. -That's stupid.
-And if you order now,
you'll also receive Starbucks accessories
like non-refrigerated milk pitchers,
a bunch of discarded wooden stirrers,
and a packet of Sugar in the Raw smashed into a puddle of cream.
-Latte for SharShar?
-Um, I already got my latte.
-Now she don't want a latte? Oh, my God.
-This bitch crazy.
-She is working my last nerve.
-The Verismo from Starbucks.
-Hi. I'm Pete Kemper.
And I want to talk to you about a sleep revolution.
Me and my wife, Stacy, we've been married so long
that, well, we both have our own routines.
-I go to bed early. He's a night owl.
-Absolutely.
But here's the good news --
I'll never disturb Stacy's sleep,
thanks to my patented Kemper-Pedic Me Time Mattress,
the only mattress that absorbs energy
and does not transfer motion, even inches away.
Stacy will sleep soundly no matter what I'm doing,
whether it's rolling dice...
[ Dice clacking ]
...adjusting the change in my pajama pockets...
[ Coins jingling ]
...exercising...
♪♪
...making coffee using a French press...
or even doing the worm.
[ Moaning ]
-With the Me Time mattress, I get a deep sleep,
without any of that weird squeaking
that used to wake me up.
-[ Chuckles ] I know.
What was that? -It's great.
-Don't believe us? Try my famous Italian dinner test,
where I put a glass of Chianti on one side of the bed
and pound pizza dough in my lap on the other side.
See? The wine doesn't spill no matter how hard I pound.
I can pound that dough for six to eight minutes
until I can't take it anymore, and I am spent.
Hey. Who's ready to eat?
So if you and your spouse have your own routines,
do yourself a favor and get a Kemper-Pedic Me Time Mattress.
Buy one today and get a special laptop shade
that shields the brightness of a laptop computer,
so you can take it to bed anytime.
Kemper-Pedic Me Time mattress.
'Cause you need some me time.
♪♪
-I've got kids. And you know what that means --
spills, and lots of 'em.
-Mom.
-[ Gasps ]
Uh-oh.
♪♪
-Darn it.
-I spend a lot of my time cleaning up messes,
so I need something that's absorbent and affordable.
So what do I reach for?
A suit from Jos. A. Bank.
With their innovative buy 1, get 3 free pricing,
a suit from Jos. A. Bank
is effectively cheaper than paper towels.
And now they come in these easy-to-use dispensers.
With 4 suits for the price of a modest dinner,
I can feel good about throwing them away when I'm done.
They're great for any job around the house,
like pet stains...
[ Dog whines ]
...soaking up grease...
...even diapers for your little ones.
Plus, they make great kindling.
It's so flammable.
And talk about absorbent.
A regular paper towel disintegrates under liquid.
But a Jos. A. Bank suit disintegrates
with no liquid at all.
The only downside -- keeping my husband's suits straight.
-Dad, that one's got spaghetti on it!
[ Laughter ]
-Jos. A. Bank.
Quantity Guaranteed.
-Wowee!
Honey, how do you keep the house so clean?
-A lady never tells. [ Ting! ]
-A woman's work is done better with GE Household Appliances.
Times change, and these days,
women are the primary breadwinners
in 50% of American homes.
And that means housework is a man's job.
So give him the tools to get the job done right
with GE's new Big Boy Home Appliances,
like the Big Boy dishwasher,
featuring a 70-pound steel door.
-I'd like to see a woman do that.
-And, hey, she may have climbed the corporate ladder,
but she'll need an actual ladder
to use the Big Boy washing machine,
'cause that sucker is six feet tall.
Dirty floors don't stand a chance
against the Big Boy ride-on vacuum cleaner.
That's 240 horsepower of pure chore torque,
with a detachable spot remover
that absolutely annihilates stains.
All GE Big Boy appliances have an Energy Star rating of F-minus
because they run on gas.
[ Engine starts ]
So man up this holiday season
and ask your wife to buy you GE Big Boy Household Appliances.
-Wow. How'd you get it so clean in here?
-Ah, sorry, babe.
A guy never tells. [ Ting! ]
-GE Big Boy Appliances.