'It's already lost its stinger.' 'What does that mean?' 'I probably stung your friend.'
'Will she be alright?' 'She'll be dead in a couple of minutes.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Why are you so interested what's my genes.'
It’s been many years since we reviewed Irwin Allen’s the Swarm,
and it’s about time we looked at another literal Bee movie, The Bees.
‘The poor fools.’
a film that starts with an almost identical premise and then… you’ll see.
We open in Mexico.
Hey look, they built that wall.
Where honey thieves are at work.
‘When a man has only one son and four daughters he had to gather plenty of honey for the market’
I know nothing about Mexico’s economy,
but I find I hard to believe it’s as honey based as this film implies.
Unfortunately…
Help! I forgot I can’t swim!
‘Instead of raiding the domestic hives they had to meddle with these killer bees.’
This is Dr Miller, who works here with his hot young wife, Sandra.
‘Sleeping isn’t what I had in mind’
First you get the honey, then you get the women.
The locals are understandably pissed off and,
bafflingly Miller’s trademark brand of condescending pidgin English doesn’t seem to placate them.
'Unless I fix devil bee so it not sting so bad, then devil bee be good bee make plenty honey.'
So it degenerates into an orgy of violence.
'What are you doing you fools.'
and the bees kill Miller.
Meanwhile in the States John Saxon’s Professor Norman, another bee scientist, is hosting a meeting.
‘If we can successfully develop a new hybrid form of this species we can double the production of honey and other bee products’
'That is very important for my country.'
the bee economy is huge.
‘And at the same time this new hybrid bee would be less aggressive’
That sounds like the important bit.
‘Being aggressive in the modern world is necessary for developing societies to eliminate the last vestiges of colonialism’
Well yeah, but does that extend to bees?
That sounds like Africa exported killer bees deliberately.
‘What is wrong with sugar?’
Leaving the committee of awkward stereotypes, Sandra Miller arrives in the US.
‘Just relax.’ ‘What?’
Probably after her honey. But...
I’m just going to walk away and pretend this was nothing to do with me.
She meets up with Norman.
'Um, Dr Norman I presume.'
I really should close that before I hook up.
‘I just wanted to say sorry about your husband’
Norman comforts Sandra on her recent loss.
‘I know the failure of the project wasn’t his fault’
guess it would be rude to blame him now he’s dead.
After Norman’s morning superman impression, his associate, Sandra’s uncle, arrives.
'You're home good.'
Always a pleasure to see John Carradine.
‘Where have you been?’ ‘I’ve been in the country.’
Which country would that be exactly?
He’s playing Professor Sigmund Hummel,
'Who has spent his life in the study of bee communication.'
but fortunately it hasn’t turned him into a weirdo.
#Singing along the hums of bees.#
The scientists meet with business leaders.
'Are you saying you want to use these Killer Bees now, just to get more honey?'
Big honey rules the world.
'You want to take these killer bees and release them in the united states.'
So business is evil but scroll back a few scenes,
you already smuggled killer bees into the country and they got out, and...
They multiply fast,
all too much for that guy,
hang on, there might not be anything to be scared of.
There is!
Now, honestly, I’m not sure where the bees came from, business or science,
and that’s the beginning of things I am not clear about.
‘I don’t know what’s happening but something’s going on here’
They’re testing an anti-bee spray but…
These bees seem to be in communication with the killer bee hive.
I don’t know.
But the erotically charged atmosphere of killer insects has Sandra forgetting all about her dead husband.
Anyway, they have a solution,
'What Dr Hummle proposes is the manufacture of this chemical we believe will cause the drones to become confused
and attempt to mate with each other rather than the queen bee.'
We’re making them gay.
And it works.
But there’s half an hour left of the movie.
‘You will see there is someone in your on dept who was stealing funds from the project’
Hummel has spotted an accounting irregularity and is targeted for assassination,
'Kill him.'
'Finish him off. We'll wait for the others'
which doesn’t seem massively related to a disaster movie about bees, until…
The bees avenge him, because.
‘The bees – they know everything’
This is where this film does diverge from The Swarm.
‘They can think like a man’
And they don’t just go after the assassins, they hunt down the man who hired them.
But he’s part of a swamp of corruption, and the bees move on Washington.
Humanity fights back, bombing somewhere else entirely.
Not sure why parachutists were necessary but I guess we had the footage.
The bees don’t take this lying down,
cutting the brakes on the van delivering the spray.
and again, taking out multiple aircraft.
The spray doesn’t work on this species of bee – bummer – so there’s only one option.
‘You mean you want us to conduct peace negotiations with bugs?’
Quite logical. The bees drop in on Norman and Sandra.
Bee speak: #Don’t mind uzz, you carry on.#
It’s funny the little moments that break a premise.
I wasn’t buying peace negotiations with vengeful bees but I was giving it the benefit of the doubt,
until they opened a door.
Norman and Sandra conduct negotiations.
‘We’ve been covering the material but we havn't been able to decipher your language’
using the Englishman abroad approach of speaking loudly and slowly.
After which Norman addresses the United Nations.
'So once again nature is reacting, this time defending itself against man's unrestrained tampering.'
'And the chosen instrument of this defense is this new species of killer bee.'
Just nature defending itself by the natural evolution of a killer bee.
‘Created by some electronically stimulated genetic mutation.’
Ah the wonders of nature.
‘Good Lord, this chap’s gone completely bonkers’
So, glossing over Norman’s role in creating a species that has brought humanity to its knees,
we reach possibly the weirdest ever outcome of a ‘when natures attacks’ movie.
‘From now on they will dominate the world equally with mankind’
We can have earth Monday to Wednesday, they take Thursday to Saturday and we’ll alternate Sundays.
Thanks for watching. Please sting the like button.
What animals have been neglected in this genre of disaster film?
Pitch us your when nature attacks movies in the comments below.