I can't even imagine how many times I've made you tell this story now.
That you've made me tell the story, I think ...
... five, certainly, that I can remember.
I'm saying 'tell the story' like I'm some kind of raconteur.
- How does it come up? - So it came, it came up ...
How does it come up when I don't bring it up?
It comes up because I'm discussing my stupid name, Caspar Salmon.
Once from the top.
In the past, in I think 1986 or 1987
possibly 1988
In the 80s, when I was a child
my grandmother was invited to attend the opening of
some kind of sea ...
... thing.
Sea thing?
Yeah, well I couldn't remember what it was, d'you see?
Cos I was a kid, I couldn't think what thing she'd been to.
And then I subsequently had it confirmed to me.
It was the Anglesey Marina.
So she attended the opening of the Anglesey Marina
and she attended it in the company of
other people from the area in North Wales, where she lives, who also happened to have
fish surnames
because my grandmother's called Pauline Salmon.
So there would've been a Mr. ...
You know, Mr. and Mrs. Crab, or ...
Carp
Cos this is a key point as well, actually, that I've not really scrutinised.
How many fish surnames are there?
- Cos, for instance, you've listed two. - Yeah.
And I've never heard of a Carp.
Jenny Carp.
There are loads of others.
Think of more fish, there are them.
- Like ... - Anchovie.
Uhh ... Pollock. Jackson Pollock.
- Okay. - Fucking eat it.
- Cod. - Yeah.
Okay, no one's called Cod.
So they get there ...
They get there, and everybody who is there
including the Crabs and the Herrings and everybody else
receives ... uhh ...
A copy ... I keep saying a copy, what's the word for ...
They receive their own surname as a fish
as a present.
So the people who are called Salmon receive a salmon
and the Herrings receive
I suppose more than one herring cos a herring is a smaller fish.
But you got a version of your name
so my grandmother received a salmon and she was able to take it home and cook it
and it was given to her by Sir Michael Fish
the weather presenter from the BBC
who was there to open the marina officially, so he was the person ...
and he was there giving out the fish to everyone.
What point in Michael Fish's career is this?
Sir Michael Fish of the BBC.
Well, I think this is ...
This is the thing I'm not sure about cos
he had the nadir of his career when he failed to predict a hurricane I think maybe.
Good afternoon to you.
Earlier on today apparently a woman rung the BBC and said she heard
that there was a hurricane on the way.
Well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't.
I think that was in 1988 or something and if I'm correct then ...
In 1986 he'd have been at the height of his powers, and fame.
And wonderfully he fit the theme perfectly, because he was famous and ...
... his name is Fish, and the theme was fish.
Your call cannot be taken at the moment, so please your message after the tone.
Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Bass
It's about the opening of a marina in the 1980s that I'm hoping he might know something about
Is that Mrs. Crab?
It is.
I'm looking into the opening of a marina in the late 1980s.
I don't suppose that rings any bells?
Where was the marina? What town was it in?
On Anglesey somewhere.
There are lots of places on Anglesey.
The reason I ask is that apparently the organisers filled the opening
with people from the area who had fish-related names.
You've been trawling through the directory, have you?
More or less.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Hello, I'm hoping to reach the Mullet family
regarding the opening of a marina.
Hello, is that Mrs. Haddock?
Yes.
Is that Ms. Pike?
Yes.
Is that Mr. Plaice?
Hello.
... fish-related surnames, like yourself.
I think we went there, perhaps, when the kids were little
but I don't think we got invited there, you know, with a fish-related name.
Hello?
Is that Mr. Whiting?
It is, yeah.
... to get as many people there as possible with fish-related surnames.
That's a new one on me.
Hello?
Hi, is that Mrs. Turbot?
Yes.
I'm calling about the opening of a marina in Anglesey
I don't know anything about it.
- The reason I ask is ... - Okay, thank you, goodbye.
Maybe it was because of the time I called,
or just because young people don't really have landlines any more ...
Right.
... but most people were in the right sort of age bracket
to have been around at the time ...
Okay.
... and the most common response was one of amused bafflement.
But so, perhaps it's a lie.
Well, so I also reached out to Michael Fish's agent
and let me read you the response I got back.
Oh god, this is a nightmare.
Hi Charlie, I'm afraid that this isn't for Michael
as first and foremost he doesn't remember opening a marina in Anglesey
so possibly you don't have the correct person.
Best, Nick
Oh my god.
But there are a lot of fish people in this phonebook, so I figured I'd keep trying.
449?
Ooh, hello. Is that Mrs. Herring?
Yep.
I'm calling cos I'm looking into the opening of a marina, in Anglesey
and the reason I'm phoning you is cos for the opening, the organisers invited
people from the local area, from North Wales, who had fish-related surnames.
As far as I'm aware, this was some point in the late 1980s ...
1980s? No, we didn't come here til '88.
The only thing we've done is ... we went to a thing at, um ...
Anglesey Sea Zoo
with Michael Fish.
You are kidding.
Yes, yes.
So it wasn't a marina then, it was a ...
It was at the Sea Zoo, at Anglesey, on Anglesey.
Sea Zoo? Is that like an aquarium?
Yeah yeah yeah, big aquarium.
I don't suppose, while you were there, you were given anything?
Um, hang on, me husband's here, he might remember a bit more, hang on.
Love?
What was we given?
We was given two of our fish, weren't we?
We was given herrings, weren't we?
On a white tray.
Oh my god, this is brilliant.
So it was a bit vague, but she was very specific about where it was
which was this Anglesey Sea Zoo
which is an aquarium.
- Okay. - Not quite sure why they've called it a Sea Zoo.
As though the word aquarium didn't come to mind when they were doing the naming.
So three weeks from now, on May 27th, I'm going up to Anglesey
- No! - On the 8am train, via Chester.
Yes.
- Have you done that route? - A million times.
What should I look out for?
There's nothing there, absolutely nothing.
There's nothing to do.
Go to Anglesey, and just look at the sea, and go and see ...
... the lighthouse, that's nice
and then get the hell out.
Oh no, and go and see the bridge as well.
Thingy did a bridge there, Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
Very nice bridge.
Actually I've been an arsehole, Anglesey is lovely.
I'm thinking of Colwyn Bay
which is just awful.
I honestly can't tell you how excited I am to be here.
Maybe we could start by talking about what makes the Sea Zoo special?
I love talking about what makes the Sea Zoo special, that's why I'm here.
We are completely unique because we have only native species,
all British species.
Our water comes from the Menai Strait, which is right on our doorstep
so all our systems are natural systems, they're sustainable systems.
The seasonality, the temperatures, everything is the same as the sea around Wales.
It's amazing how many people in Britain know absolutely nothing about what's in the sea in Britain.
I love that aspect to it, I love the fact that we get adults, teachers,
even OAPs coming here, who say, 'my god, I never knew that, that's amazing.'
You know, they learn something, they learn something new when they come and visit.
And how long have you been here?
I bought it myself nine years ago.
It was launched by four partners I believe, or maybe three originally
and then two of the partners were a couple
They sold the business to me
so they actually branched out to do Halen Mon Sea Salt next door
so they are still using the water from the Menai Strait
but they're using it to make salt now.
So you two opened the Anglesey Sea Zoo.
You're the de facto heroes of the entire film.
Bit scary, isn't it?
First off, why don't you tell me whether the whole thing is actually true?
- It is true. - Absolutely.
It was a pivotal moment of the Sea Zoo.
It was really important cos we'd invested everything we had in the Sea Zoo
and we're on a remote island.
At that time it was pre-Internet, pre-email
and we wanted to tell people about it
but we had no budget to do it
but as soon as we floated the idea we produced a press release
- Floated, see what you did there. - Yep.
'Calling Mr. Piranha,' it said
'Officials doubt whether they'll find a Mr. Piranha to invite ...'
'... but there are plenty of other fishy names in the phone book.'
But we had to get herring, carp, spratling, pike, haddock, winkle, cockles
And jelly. We had to make them a jelly in the end, didn't we?
The Jelly family came from Mold and they were some of the winners
We did relax the rules for the Jellys because they came from Mold, we just couldn't resist that one
and they were very nice, weren’t they? They were very pleased.
And we were in everything
we were on the BBC World Service and we were in The Sun
It seemed to be like a good news story and it worked beyond our wildest dreams, really.
'Michael's a star catch' and 'Top Fish is put in his plaice'
Every subeditor produced every corny thing they could come up with.
- And now you're over here making salt? - Yep.
What did you do when you opened this place?
We bought a birthday cake in the shape of the building.
Hard to beat Michael Fish isn't it?
If there was a weatherman called Mr. Salt ...
Yeah, who could you get? You'd have to get, uh ...
You could get Salt from Salt & Pepa.
Oh, great!
So I've brought you back a gift from Anglesey
Oh my goodness!
This is amazing!
So that is Michael Fish, at the opening of the Anglesey Sea Zoo
and not only a salmon, but the salmon that was given to your grandmother
That's impossible!
That's ridiculous.
Oh, I'm gonna cry.
I'm not gonna cry.
♫ Rock music plays ♫
I have no recollection whatsoever of opening an aquarium in Anglesey
cos I've opened so many aquariums that they all blend into one, as it were
No, I never regretted having the name.
Thinking back, it was probably an asset rather than anything else.
It seems like it's got you a fair bit of work?
I had a song all about me as well.
♫ I wish, I wish ♫
♫ He was like Michael Fish ♫
'Cute and cuddly and quite a dish'
When was this?
That was about twenty years ago now, I'm not cute and cuddly any more.