- I'm a Jew.
So I don't have a lot of experience with bacon.
So this is going to be my little Jewish cheat.
(upbeat music)
- Wow, these are thick!
- It lacks the crispness that I've seen
in pictures of bacon.
Which just makes it seem like that I'm just
at my computer looking at pictures of bacon,
like, crying.
- It tastes like you're eating a tire.
- It's a good alternative.
I guess like the best alternative is no bacon.
- When I'm trying to be healthy,
or I'm like getting my body the right stuff,
this is what I eat.
- Chicken bacon?
- That exists?
- For some reason I'm getting
like a tennis ball vibe from this.
I don't know why.
- This is fantastic, this is better than my mom's bacon.
Don't tell her about that.
- That weird aftertaste, though. What is that?
- What did they put in it?
Like, how do they do this?
- Just chicken?
- You're just trying to be like, "Aren't I crunchy?"
Here's what happened: you went for crunch over taste.
That was not a good idea.
- What?
This doesn't smell anything like bacon.
- This one, it looks like a dinosaur.
Or like some kind of seahorse or something.
- Uh! It's hard to pull, sorry.
- Dude... this is so good.
- It's fine, it tastes like beef jerky.
We're going to stop by the gas station
and pick this up on the way to Disneyland?
Cool.
- I'll allow this.
This is the only other bacon I'll allow.
- Uh, lamb bacon?
- Ew, oh no!
I love Lamb Chop!
- It looks like I'm going to have diarrhea.
Instantly.
- Oh, God no.
Oh, oh, what's going on with this one?
- Look at how much fat it is.
- All the fat just turns into like liquid,
instantly, in your mouth.
It's weird.
- I just ate Lamb Chop!
- Dude, what is this?
- It feels like an emoji bacon.
- Are you even trying?
This looks like a fruit rollup.
- Ooh, I like that.
- This is something you get in elementary school
to, like, put inside your book.
- This is like one of those slap bracelets
that you put on your arm.
Oh, I broke it!
- My dad used to make us eat these.
And I was like, I'm going to convert away from Judaism.
- But like it's good, like it's okay.
I wouldn't kick it out of bed for eating crackers.
- Turkey bacon is still the best one.
And I don't even really eat meat anymore,
and I'll tell you, turkey bacon is the boo.
It will never be beat.
I went to a Jewish dayschool and I
had a teacher one time tell me that
I shouldn't even eat turkey bacon
because another Jew might see me eat it
and be like, "Oh, no, she's allowed to eat bacon,
"why aren't I allowed to eat bacon?"
And then all of Judaism would collapse.