- I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.
I didn't get you. - You did get me.
- No, I didn't get you. - You scared me--you did.
You scared me, and I'm a fan of yours,
and you know I love you, and you still scared me.
- Yeah.
- And you just did it, and you just--
You're not mean-spirited. - No.
- You're just cr-- a little cruel.
- Yeah. - And, yeah.
I came in--
- It's not cruel. It's just sneaky.
- [laughing] It's sneaky.
But I kind of felt something was gonna happen,
and I came in, and the producer said to me,
"Go on into the-- this is your dressing room.
"Go into the bathroom.
Ellen has an old picture of you and her from years ago."
And I go, "Ugh, it's probably an awful picture."
He goes, "It's pretty funny. You'll laugh at it.
She hung it in the bathroom."
And I go, "Okay," and I go to the bathroom.
The door is creaked a little bit closed.
- Well, all right, let's show--
this is me trying to scare him.
- This was minutes ago.
I'm walking in, and I go, "What the heck?"
That's the bathroom. I'm about to go in there.
[men speaking indistinctly]
You sure? - Yep.
- I knew it.
Oh, God, something's gonna jump out and scare me.
Yeah, I knew it. [laughter]
I'll just do it.
I don't like getting scared.
[shouts] - [screams]
- [screams]
[laughter]
[speaking indistinctly]
I knew it! - You knew it.
How did you know it?
- I did get scared too, 'cause you go, "Whoo-ha-ha."
- Yeah, but then-- [both laugh]
But then I was thinking, "Oh, I wish I wasn't there,
'cause then you would've just done that all by yourself."
[laughter] That would've been--
- That would've been really embarrassing.
- That would've been better. - Yeah.
I'm always getting embarrassed. Yeah.
But I'm so happy to be here.
I never get a chance to see you because...
- I know. - I'm in New York, but now--
- I watch you all the time. [cheers and applause]
Such a great job.
- I got to come out. You do the best show.
And I got to thank you for always supporting me.
And you sent me and my staff a bunch of fun things
like cotton candy one day and popcorn and snow cones
and just made everyone's day.
You're just so cool.
- Yeah, well, you're doing a great job.
I'm loving the show, and it's so much fun.
And you're doing-- - Thanks.
- I mean, were you nervous about actually even going--
I mean, you're doing-- you've been doing a show anyway,
it's just now "The Tonight Show."
- Right, it's just a change of title.
But they're big shoes to fill with Jay Leno,
and so the first night especially, I was nervous,
because I go, "Do I just come out
"and just do jokes like I've been on
"'The Tonight Show' for years,
"or do I come out and go, 'Hey, guys.
This is what a talk show is.'"
Because there might be some kids watching
that've never seen a talk show but, since I'm new,
they'll give it a shot and-- 'cause when I was a kid,
I would ask my parents for permission.
"Can I stay up, watch Johnny Carson?"
It was a big deal, you know,
just to stay up to watch the monologue.
So I thought, "I'll come out,
"I'll explain what a talk show is,
then I'll go, you know, 'This is my sidekick,'
and then I'll leave and come back out and tell jokes."
So I called Jay Leno.
I go, "What do you think of that idea?"
He goes... [as Jay Leno]
"I'd just come out and tell jokes."
And I go, "That's what I was thinking, but"--
I go, "Now I'm confused."
And so I talked to my head writer,
and he goes-- he goes--
I go, "Jay says just to come out
and tell jokes like I've been doing it."
And he goes, "Yeah, but he's Jay Leno,
"and you're--you're your thing.
"It's a different flavor. It's a different thing.
Go out and do what you feel like you should do."
And so I did that, and I--
I did that, and that went great,
and I explained what a talk show was
and that a human comes out and tells jokes about the news.
I mean, so kids who have never seen it,
now they know what it is.
And then I came out, and I'm start--
I came out, did some jokes,
and I made a joke about high school or something.
And of course my mom and dad are in the audience
'cause it was my first "Tonight Show."
And my dad heckles me.
- I saw that. [laughter]
- Do you believe-- can you believe that?
- No. No, did he-- - Can you believe my life?
- Why? - That was--
I couldn't believe it was happening.
I go, "What is going on?"
Like, your son--
this is probably the most nerve-racking
he's ever going to be, and you heckle?
I go-- here's what happened.
I said--made some joke about, "Hey, Dad."
Or, you know, "I didn't"--
Or, "Mom and Dad, I didn't graduate high school"--
which I did, but it was a joke.
I go, "I didn't graduate high school, but here I am.
I'm host of 'The Tonight Show.'"
And everyone was laughing.
They clapped. It was a funny joke.
And my dad goes, "We paid a lot of money for that school."
[laughter]
Got a giant laugh. Bigger laugh than my laugh.
- Yeah. - People were clapping.
I'm like, "Did that just happen?
"Did I just-- I just heard my dad's voice
yelling at me."
And the other thing is, I went to public school.
He didn't pay a lot of money.
I'm like, "Are you talking about taxes?"
I don't really get into math with my dad.
What are you talking about?
- He was just making up stuff for a joke.
- Butt out! Yes. Get your own show.
Yeah. - Oh, my God.
- [chuckles] I love 'em.
I love 'em. They're great people.
- Well, they've got to be so proud of you.
- They really are.
My mom calls me all the time--
and most of the time she calls, it's to say
who was great on your show.
She always goes, "Oh, Ellen was great the other day.
She had Bradley Cooper on."
I'm like, "Oh, yeah, well,
"we've had Bradley Cooper on too.
We've had some fun things."
She goes, "I know, but--
so here's what Ellen did with Bradley."
I go, "I don't want to hear about Ellen's show.
I know that show's a great show."
- That's hilarious. - She loves you.