Hi, I'm Stephan. I'm a bisexual trans man and in this video I'm going to be
talking about how to know if you might be bisexual.
So, what is bisexuality? What are the signs that you might be bisexual?
And what does it actually mean to be bisexual?
We're going to be covering all
of that and more in this video,
so make sure you stick around
and hit that subscribe button so you don't miss our future content.
First, a little bit about me.
I first came out as bisexual when I was seventeen
and that was also when I was still identifying as female.
This came about because of shows like Glee and Skins where I saw these young
queer women unashamedly being themselves and loving who they loved without caring
what anybody else thought.
I really resonated with these characters and their experiences and their feelings
and that is what led me to first identifying as bi.
I went on a bit of a journey after that with different labels and identities,
I ended up identifying as a lesbian for a little while
but then that didn't quite feel right to me because I started
questioning my gender.
I found it hard to reconcile my gender
and sexuality labels at the time because I didn't feel like they were matching.
Personally I didn't feel comfortable using the label of lesbian or gay when I
didn't feel like a woman, so I started using the label queer and
just started playing around with different identities.
Then I went on quite a rigorous journey of self-discovery which led me to
realising that I'm a transgender man.
I've been out as a trans man for over
three years now,
I am on testosterone, I've had top surgery and
within all of that craziness, I've also been led back to the label of bisexuality.
It wasn't an easy thing for me to admit
a second time because it was still just as hard accepting that I was a man who
liked men as it was being a woman who liked women.
But I'm really glad I did so much exploration,
I feel like I truly know myself inside and out now.
I have such a clear perception of who I am and what I want
and honestly, I'm just really happy.
Now let's get right down to the nitty-gritty: what is bisexuality?
Stonewall defines bisexuality as:
An umbrella term used to define a sexual and/or romantic attraction to more than one gender.
Talking about bisexuality and its inclusion in the LGBT+ community is important
because it allows bisexual people to feel seen, to feel recognised
and to feel like we're valid.
Many bisexuals spend a very long time not
even being aware of their own sexuality because it's so often ignored,
as expressed by these bisexual women.
I didn't realise bisexuality was like, a thing,
like, I knew I liked girls and I knew I liked guys and I was like,
I can't decide if I'm a lesbian or not.
And then I met a friend when I went to high school so I must have been in, like
year nine or ten and they were like, yeah
bisexuality is like a thing, like you're allowed to like both, and I guess that's
the point where I was like, yeah, that's me.
That was a little clip from our video where bisexual women talk about their coming out stories.
If you'd like to watch more of that or any of the other clips featured in this
video, you can find the links for all of those in the description below.
Now that we've talked about the definition of bisexuality, I'm going to
move on to some signs that might indicate whether or not you might be bi.
The first sign is, wondering if you are bi.
This might seem like an obvious one, but if you find yourself googling questions like 'how do i know if i'm bi?'
or watching videos like this one, then there is a chance that you could
seriously be considering that label for yourself.
Of course, this is absolutely not set in stone.
You might be watching this video
simply because you're curious about bisexuality or because it was sent to
you by a friend,
but if you do find yourself often
looking for bisexual content and feeling a connection to that content then
you yourself might be bi.
Moving on to sign number two which is, same gender attraction.
One of the foundations of bisexuality is having
the 'standard' attraction to another gender plus same-gender attraction.
Are you sometimes unsure of your feelings to someone of the same gender?
Do you get confused or wonder whether you like someone of the same gender as
just a friend or if you'd like to be closer to them romantically?
For example, if you're a girl and you find yourself thinking about girls in the same way you
would usually think about boys,
then that could point towards bisexuality.
Self-exploration is a huge part of life and can lead to you making
some wonderful discoveries about yourself
but obviously there's no rush to do anything you're not comfortable with and
you do not have to put a label on yourself unless you want to.
And don't worry if you don't have it all figured out yet; we've got some advice
for that coming later on in this video.
Another sign that you might be bisexual
is liking both male and female characters from your favourite TV show.
For example, I used to watch a show on Nickelodeon called Victorious.
There were two main characters called Beck and Jade and I definitely fancied both of them
but I just don't think I realised it at the time.
I didn't know that my feelings towards Jade were just as real
and allowed to exist as my feelings for Beck
so I very much tried to brush over it
and just pretend that I fancied the boy
when in reality I fancied them equally because they were both gorgeous.
I wish I'd had the language at the time to talk about it because I think if I'd had
the language for it then I would have realised a lot sooner.
If you find yourself coming to a similar realisation, whether it's about a TV show
you used to watch or a show you watch now
then you might be bisexual too.
A fourth sign you might be bisexual is realising
that the label of bisexuality and the ideas around it just feel
right for you.
Even if you don't know much about bisexuality but you find
yourself thinking about the label and thinking that it fits you quite well
then that is a sign that you could be relating to the label
on a much deeper level.
This might happen if you see a bisexual character on TV
or you watch a bisexual YouTuber, or even if you just hear a bisexual
person talking about their experiences and realise that you really relate to
what they're saying.
A fifth sign you might be bisexual is
having conflicting feelings about the kind of relationship you see yourself in.
For example, if you grew up always just assuming that you'd end up with someone
of a different gender because that's what you were conditioned to think
but then suddenly find yourself also imagining a future with someone of the
same gender, then that could point towards you being bisexual.
Now that we know what bisexuality is
and the signs that you could be bisexual, let's talk about what bisexuality isn't.
It's time for some bisexual myth busting!
Number one: bisexuality is not a phase.
A classic bisexual stereotype that we all know and hate
is that bisexuals are simply 'confused' or that we're all just
going through a phase.
While I do understand that quite a few gay and
lesbian people come out as bisexual before realising their true label,
that's not to say that all bisexual people are simply gay or lesbian
and they're just going to come out as that later on in life.
For some of us, it actually works the other way around.
We use different identities and labels
while we're figuring ourselves out
until we come to the realisation that we are bisexual.
Whether you're inside or outside the LGBT+ community,
you can't question the validity of
bisexuality if that's not something you've experienced for yourself.
Falling into any of the categories within the LGBT+ community is not a phase.
It's very much real and we just need to
end this stereotype once and for all.
Gay cis men basically saying to bi people,
'You're not valid because XYZ',
you know, you guys have struggled with being valid for years and years,
don't do the same to another group of people.
Also, while the label of bicurious
does exist next to bisexual,
it's important not to conflate the two
and to realise that they are very different.
Bicuriosity is seen as the exploration a person does when figuring themselves out
before applying a label to themselves,
whereas bisexuality is the label that is applied when a person is sure of who they are.
While bicuriosity as a label could be helpful for people in the early stages
of figuring themselves out, it's not helpful to apply that to an entire community
when bisexual people are simply
bisexual, not just curious.
People within the community who are like, 'Oh but you're not really bi though, are you?'
At the minute, I'm in a relationship with a with a man and they're like,
'Oh, but you're not bi then, you're straight. You're in like a heterosexual relationship,'
which is what I would more class as...
That is biphobia, yeah. That is so biphobia.
Which is specifically because you're bi. Yes.
And for any bisexuals watching this who might be worried about their own
validity as a bisexual,
you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with.
You don't have to apply any labels unless you are ready
and you don't even have to come out until you feel safe and comfortable to do so.
Only you know your true self and only you know your true journey,
so take your time, do whatever feels comfortable to you,
and wherever you end up
whether that's at bisexuality or a different label,
it's never a waste of time to explore yourself.
You don't have to be 100 per cent certain of yourself straight away in order for your
identity to be valid.
Life is a journey and we never know where we're going to end up.
I think it's important for us to be able to see ourselves
so that it doesn't take us quite so long and
doesn't leave us quite so, you know, scared and lost and confused in our
questioning phases,
that we're kind of this weird thing that doesn't exist.
If we can see that we exist then, you know,
we can say, hey, maybe that might be me.
Number two in the list of myths that we are busting: bisexuality is not a performance.
Some people claim that bisexual women are only bisexual in order to impress men
or get the attention of men.
This is a harmful stereotype because it reinforces
the negative idea that bisexual women are fake and are
simply doing it for the attention of others.
In reality, bisexual women engage in bisexuality simply because
they are bisexual.
Also, bisexuality is not just for women.
Men can also be bisexual, and that includes transgender men and cisgender men.
Non-binary people can be bisexual,
genderfluid people can be bisexual, literally anyone can be bisexual.
And while bisexual women are often sexualised and fetishised for their sexuality,
on the other end of that,
bisexual men are often ignored and left out of conversations entirely
as expressed by these bisexual men.
I got the classic
'You're not a bi man, you haven't been with a guy yet.'
That was one of my very first experiences of attempting to come out to someone.
Additionally, being bisexual does not
always mean that your attraction to men and women
is an even 50/50 split.
While some bisexual people do experience an even split in attraction;
for example, I would say my attraction to men and women is a pretty even split,
that is definitely not the case for all of us.
Also, bisexuality does include transgender and non-binary people,
and if you are a bisexual person who likes a transgender person,
this does not automatically make you pansexual
as explained by YouTuber Jake Edwards.
I think bisexuality is a sexual attraction to
people of your own and other genders,
whereas I view pansexuality
as a sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender.
And for people out there who might still want to claim that bisexual people don't exist,
transgender people can't be bisexual,
or that bisexual people can't like trans people,
I am literally a bisexual transgender man
who has dated both bisexual and transgender people.
So I'm living proof that all of those things are very much real
and that they can all co-exist.
And to any of you out there who may be questioning your sexuality
or thinking that you might be bi,
my advice to you would be just take your time.
There's absolutely no rush to put any labels on yourself,
and in the end if you decide you don't even want to choose a label,
that's also totally fine.
It's no secret that bisexuals still face a lot of stigma
from both inside and outside the LGBT+ community,
but we deserve the same amount of support
and representation as any other sexuality.
Whether you're bisexual,
you think you might be bi,
or you're a bisexual ally,
I really hope you enjoyed this video.
Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss our future content,
and feel free to share this video with anyone else who you think might enjoy it.
That is it from me today,
so this is your local neighbourhood bisexual saying goodbye for now.