It may come as no real surprise that one of the biggest causes
for tension in a couple's relationship is housework and, more specifically,
the seemingly unfair workload that might fall on your shoulders
while your partner just sits back and reaps the benefits of your hard work.
This is one of the most requested video topics here at CMS HQ.
So this week we are talking about how to get your significant other
to help you with the cleaning responsibilities.
We feel it's important to note that while researching this video, we came across
quite a few articles that talked about how to get him to clean
or tips and tricks for getting your husband to clean.
But I can assure you we here at Clean My Space will not be talking like that.
This is not a one-sided issue, my friends.
Over a quarter of our audience are men. So when we say "partner,"
we mean him or her. There will be no stereotyping here.
Also, we're not marriage counselors. We've researched this topic thoroughly
and have just drawn from our own experiences,
and that's what I'm going to share with you in this video.
Start with the heart.
Having a frank, deliberate conversation about cleaning,
its importance to your partner, and why your partner
doesn't want to or can't clean at the moment,
will help you understand where they're coming from.
Perhaps it's a scheduling issue, a physical issue, a skill issue.
Perhaps it's even an emotional issue. At least the conversation will help
you learn something and give you a starting off point.
This then gives you the opportunity to do the same thing.
Speak about how important and meaningful a clean space is to you,
how it affects you, and how you've been struggling with the workload.
Your partner cares, and when you share
about your challenges, naturally they'll want to help.
Think about how different this is than normal nagging
that takes place in many a household.
Anger Management.
During your conversation, it is more than likely to get a little bit heated.
Remember that getting angry and raising your voice isn't going to get you
anywhere, aside from right back to where you don't want to be anymore.
Look at this in a new light. It's a new approach to an old
and very crusty problem. If you point fingers at your partner,
I can assure you they won't give a crap about what you've got to say.
Come from you and your needs, and then listen closely
to your partner and their needs. Anger is the easy, common,
and problematic way to deal with this, and that's what we're trying to change.
Drop the stereotypes.
I'm going to assume that you chose your partner because they are
a good person and good for you. You also care about them.
Stereotyping your partner and perpetuating the notion of one of those many cultural
stereotypes floating around is toxic, especially if you want to effect change.
Remember, people like to meet the expectations that are set for them,
and generally they want to please others by fulfilling those expectations.
So if you continue to reinforce the stereotype that your partner is lazy,
they will gladly prove you right. Hold them in a different regard
and you will be amazed at the results.
Establish your MIAs.
Perhaps it's easiest to start by focusing
on your Most Important Areas or MIAs.
Part of your conversation can be about areas which are important
to the both of you, and that's where you can start from.
If the kitchen is really important to you and the office is really important
to your partner, focus on what your partner cares about
and have them start with that space.
Develop a new routine.
Once you've had a collaborative chat and you understand the MIAs,
it's time to create a new routine which makes sense for both people.
It's not fair to pigeonhole your partner into your routine,
and it's certainly not reasonable to expect them to be up to par
with you from the word go. They're likely not skilled or efficient
enough to do the work yet because they haven't had the experience that you do.
It's kind of like training for a marathon, which I have never done by the way.
You start with one kilometer and you walk, and as you gauge
and appreciate your progress, you can build more in,
eventually getting up to your 10k goal.
The same goes for you and your partner's cleaning routine.
Build something great together, but start from a reasonable place.
Manage your expectations.
If your partner is not used to doing any cleaning or is not good at it
or passionate about it, it is hard to imagine
that they're going to do anything perfectly.
If you expect perfection, I'll tell you right now,
you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
Don't expect their work to be done to the Ritz-Carlton standards on the first go.
It's up to you to manage your expectations and to be appreciative
and complimentary of the effort more than dissuading your partner
to not want to do the work again.
Micromanagement.
When you've started your new routine and your partner
is starting to contribute, let them do their thing as they do.
It is not your opportunity to micromanage, rather to compliment
and thank your partner for their contribution, whatever it was.
I have yet to meet one person who likes to be micromanaged, especially an adult.
Allow autonomy in scheduling and performance and you might see
some really interesting changes in your partner.
They might do something extra. They might get creative,
and without question, they will want to impress you.
If your partner asks you for help or advice, you can certainly provide it,
or you could send them over to CleanMySpace.com
or to YouTube.com/CleanMySpace, and they could check out one
of our articles or videos and learn how to do it on their own.
Make it fun!
As we say so often in our videos,
you've got to find a way to make cleaning fun.
If you and your partner do it together, perhaps you can watch a show
while folding laundry, talk while you work,
time yourselves and have a race, listen to your favorite music,
whatever you've got to do. Also, when Chad and I finish cleaning
our house, I know it sounds cheesy, but we usually like high-five
or say "good job" to the other person.
Let me tell you, I need to hear that after a cleaning marathon and so does Chad.
If we didn't do that, why would we ever want to do it again?
Let your partner in on the secret that completing a cleaning task
instills an enormous sense of pride.
Compliment your partner. Show them that cleaning can at the
very least be an okay time, and just wait and see what happens next.
Stick to your guns.
Now let's say after all of this, your partner kind of falls off
the rails and forgets to do something.
Stick to your guns, my friend. You have an agreement.
If they don't clean the spaces they're responsible for, you don't clean
them either, but you do keep up with your end of the bargain.
Sooner or later, there will be a very visible indicator of who is holding up
their end of the agreement, and people who know me personally,
know that a deal is a deal.
You should know that as much fun as we had shooting this video,
Chad and I have put a lot of work into our relationship as it
pertains to cleaning responsibilities, and even though our lives seem
crazy busy most of the time, we've established how important
it is for us to live in a clean home, and in order to do so,
it takes work from both of us. And by the way, it ain't perfect.
We proudly share these responsibilities and the rewards that come with them,
and as mentioned in the video, we try our best to make
the process as enjoyable as possible.
And as I've said in the past, a great way to make cleaning
even a little bit more fun is to listen to an audio book,
and that is where the fine folks at Audible.com come in.
They're offering you guys a free audio book of your choosing
and a free 30-day trial membership to the entire Clean My Space nation.
You get to choose from over 180,000 titles,
and you can get started at Audible.com/cleanmyspace.
Recently we listened to "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, which was
an amazing movie and an even better audio book.
It takes place during the civil rights movement of the 1960s and details
the African-American maids' point of view on the white families
from which they work and, of course, the hardships that they
go through on a daily basis. You will also learn why you is special
and you is smart. Check out this title and over 180,000
others at Audible.com/cleanmyspace. Not only is it a great offer for you guys,
but it is a great way to help support us here at Clean My Space.
The comment question this week is: What person
do you want helping out more around the house?
Let us know in the comments down below and maybe we can put
more videos together for you guys like this in the future.
If you're curious to find out what I'm up to during the week, or if you want to see
the funny things that Chad encounters or what it's like behind-the-scenes here
at Clean My Space HQ, you should follow us on Instagram.
I'm @MelissaMaker. He is @TheChadReynolds,
and we are @CleanMySpace.
There's a button down there that lets me know you care.
So click it if you liked this video and click this button right here
to subscribe and begin your journey to a cleaner life.
Thanks so much for watching, and we'll see you next time.
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