Does a rebound relationship last? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video,
but first my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
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Couple down below. Okay. So we're talking about rebound relationships
again in this video, and we're talking about whether or not rebound relationships last.
Now, we've talked many times before about what does it take for two people to get into
a relationship with one another? All it takes is really two decisions. Person A decides
that they want to be in relationship with person B, and person B decides they want to
be in a relationship with person A and voila. You have a relationship. And so rebound relationships
obviously have a very poor track record. I don't think you need me to tell you that.
I don't think anyone is in doubt about that. So why is it that they don't usually work
out? It's because really when you look at rebound
relationships, there's a certain thing that's at play called emotional availability. That
is to say, when most people come out of a breakup, they're going to at least be temporarily,
emotionally available. It's no secret that breakups can affect people on a deep, emotional
way. Lots of hurts, lots of pain, lots of rejection, lots of loss, lots of grief, lots
of regrets, all of these sorts of things. I know that people often don't recognize the
dumpers, the person who initiated the breakup themselves, can feel a lot of pain and hurt
and loss, but they do. They do. I know that the dumpee, the person on the
receiving end of the breakup, no surprise that that hurts. But the dumper can actually
also feel a lot of pain and hurt themselves as well, too. And even if your ex broke up
with you, and this was not your idea, the whole breakup, you will find yourself suddenly
single one day, know that your ex is also dealing with their own emotional journey of
healing and dealing with the loss of your relationship and that they very well may be
emotionally unavailable. Okay, so when you have an emotionally unavailable
person, whether that is a temporary form of emotional unavailability caused by the breakup
or a longer term sort of emotional unavailability caused by other issues like issues with your
parents or something, you're going to find that you are probably going to only attract
people to you who also happen to be emotionally unavailable. That's to say, if you're emotionally
unavailable, the only other people that will put up with that are people who are also emotionally
unavailable. People that are emotionally available will look at that and say, "Hey, why would
I want to be in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable? I'm going to
go find someone who is emotionally available and be in relationship with them." So basically
you end up in a rebound situation with two emotionally unavailable people coming together
and forming a relationship. Person A decides that they want to be in relations with person
B, person B decides they want to be in relationship with person A.
And so, how does that start to deteriorate? How does that start to experience its issues
and problems? Well, what has to happen for rebound relationships to have such a poor
track record is that one of these two people has to suddenly decide that they don't want
to be in a relationship any longer. That's why rebound relationships have a very poor
track record. Now, why does someone change their mind and start to decide that they don't
want to be in a relationship any longer? It's because, typically most of the time, one of
those people starts to become emotionally available, while the other person remains
emotionally unavailable. And then the natural repulsion mechanism starts to kick in that
causes them to no longer be interested in one another. The emotionally available person
starts to say, "Hey, I'm no longer just interested in the idea of being in a relationship. I
actually want to have a connection. I'm actually looking for a partner that has these certain
qualities, or I have these certain values in life."
Or whatever. And so that's when things start to shift. That's when things like the psychological
displacement no longer function. That's when things like the fantasy about being in a relationship
or the fantasy about being over your ex start to no longer be enough to make the relationship
work, and that's when a lot of the problems start to kick in. Now, again, like we've talked
about before, most people are not really very emotionally equipped to handle emotional intensity,
especially emotionally unavailable people, which is what causes the whole thing to come
flying apart. And so that's why rebound relationships have a very, very, very poor track record.
By the way, I know we're just kind of skimming the surface here with all this rebound stuff,
but if you do want to learn more about rebound relationships, we do have a video series on
rebound relationships. You can check it out right up there. We go
into things like psychological displacement in more detail, emotional unavailability,
all that stuff in more detail. Feel free to check it out. But yeah, basically a rebound
relationship will start to come apart when two emotionally unavailable people start to
shift and at least one of them starts to become emotionally available again. The other person
might be more of one of those long-term emotionally unavailable people who just has family issues
or trust issues or something like that, or maybe they're also temporarily emotionally
unavailable, but they're opening up and healing at a different pace than the other person.
Now, again, this doesn't mean that rebound relationships can't work, that they're destined
to fail or anything, but as this shift towards emotional availability starts to happen, it's
going to place a great it's strain on the relationship. It's going to place a great
emotional burden on the relationship. And again, most people are not equipped to
handle that and that's why they have a very poor track record, rebound relationships that
is. So again, all that has to stay in place for the two people to actually continue to
be in that relationship is for them to both choose to be in that relationship. So rebound
relationships can work as long as both people are still choosing to be in that relationship,
but it doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be some sort of great stellar relationship.
I mean, I think we all know people that are in a relationship, but when you look at their
dynamic, there's no passion there. There's no life there. There's no joy there. They're
just putting up with one another. They're just going through the motions together, right?
And so, again, as long as that decision is in place, the relationship can stay together,
but what happens when at least one of those people starts to become emotionally available,
at least at a different rate than the other person, then that's where a lot of that decision
starts to come into question. That's where a lot of that repulsion mechanism starts to
kick in and the emotionally available person and the emotionally unavailable person no
longer feel that sense of attraction, and so they actually start to repel one another,
because again, you attract what you are and you attract people who have similar qualities
and similar characteristics to you, including emotional availability. Okay? So keep that
in mind. And as one's character, as someone's emotional
state starts to shift and change, the dynamics of attraction can start to shift and change
as well too. So that is really why rebound relationships have a poor track record. Rebound
relationships don't last very often because of all of these things we've talked about,
but again, they can last if two people are just very resolute in their decision to stay
together. If you are interested in actually getting your ex back from a rebound relationship,
as we've talked about in other videos in the past, all you have to do is focus on the quality
of the connection between you and your ex. As that quality of the connection gets stronger
and stronger, the interest that they have in that rebound relationship will start to
wane and they'll start to form more of an emotional availability with you and less of
an emotional availability with the other person, which causes the whole dynamic to collapse,
like we've talked about. So again, I know it's really easy to look
at your ex's rebound and say, "Oh, is it serious? Is it not?" When we micro-analyze these things
that they're posting on Facebook or Instagram or something. But again, that's not what you
need to focus on. What you need to focus on is the quality of the connection between you
and your ex or the quality of the connection between you and your partner, and that is
what is going to pull you together and create the kind of relationship that's going to make
it. Okay? So once again, we do have that Facebook group.
If you want to go check it out or join, it's right down below in the description box. Once
again, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, and if you have enjoyed this video, if you
found this video helpful, please do me a favor, help spread this video through the interwebs
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might want to help promote this video a little bit more. And if you do want to learn more
about rebound relationships, we do have that video series right over here or you might
want to check out this video right over here, but thank you so much for watching. Please
take care and I'll talk to you in the next video.