(Music)
- Diablo Two? Yeah, of course I play Diablo Two.
Hammered in. All the way.
(phone rings)
- Hello? This is GameStop.
Yes, we are still open.
No, our physical locations
haven't all closed, just a lot of them.
- I mean, I know these are noise canceling,
and they have good surround sound,
but do you have anything that's not like, totally ugly?
- (Screams) Did you see these?
They are so cute! It's pink! It's pink! It's pink!
(Squealing)
- No way.
You got a couple of rare games here, kid.
I'll give you a whole dollar each for 'em.
- I've heard that if you can't pay in cash
you can pay in Reddit Karma. I haven't tried yet,
but I'm going to because I obviously
have a lot of Reddit Karma.
I mean look at me. The NoFap community
has a lot of respect for me.
It's not a big deal.
- I would like to order these three games.
- Oh, child, you know not what you ask.
(Cashier) How do you plan to pay today?
We're not talking about World of Warcraft gold here, kid.
We're also not talking about no V-Bucks.
(Paper rustling)
How did you...
- My parents are divorced.
- Mmmm....
- Two birthdays, two Christmas,
two Kwanzaa's, two Hanukkah's...
- I have the sickest setup.
Look. It took me years to accumulate all this gear.
Oh my God, dude.
My RAM, would make you (beep) yourself.
- Oh yeah, we've got PS5 in stock.
What are your other two wishes
Guy-Who-Rubbed-My-Lamp?
(bangs into boxes)
Oh (beep)
You didn't see anything.
- Sorry, one second. Hey! You put that game down
until I can verify you played the first two.
I'm going to quiz you on lore. Stay right there.
- Anyways, what's your setup like?
What the (beep) is that? Ew-uh!
- Let me guess.
You probably think the main character from Metroid
is named Metroid.
- Is that a folding picnic chair?
And is your monitor on a milk crate?
- Yeah, we have it, but why would you want it?
Have you not read the reviews?
Oh, okay. How much time you got?
- You play Among Us?
- I've played Among Us a little bit, but I was too good
so it kind of got boring.
- Okay. What's your favorite task?
- Garbage disposal.
- Garbage disposal?
- Yeah, because it proves that you're innocent,
'cause you see the garbage getting (beep) out.
- Okay, so maybe you do play Among Us.
- Yeah
- There's so much Sims
and my Sims are the (beep).
- Oh, Spencer, you've returned!
- I go by The Chosen now.
You know this, Augustus.
This place is pretty rudimentary.
You don't even have the 3DO, or a Sega Saturn.
- Well played. How about this?
If you can guess what's in my mug
anything in this place I'll give you.
- That's... That's just cottage cheese.
- Okay, so if you can guess what's in my mug
AND what's in my pocket...
- No, I'm not in the wrong place.
Yes. I do know what I'm doing.
Yes, I actually, do you know what I'm here for?
And yes, I do know what games are for my console.
Thanks.
(Clerk) Okay, thank you.
- I got this from a store called, Elements of Earth
in the mall.
Yeah, I'm pretty much a regular there.
(Makes forceful growl)
They have a secret dojo underneath it.
(Banging sounds) (Beep)
- Yes. We have Funko Pops.
We almost exclusively sell Funko Pops now.
- (Makes disgusted sound) Ugh, God.
If women ran this company,
it wouldn't just be a stocks meme.
You know what I mean?
I married everyone in Stardew Valley.
(Item hits floor)
- Now, Fortnite, on the other hand,
I don't even mind that just happened because this is all,
this is all just for babies. I mean, sure.
I have fun with it, and yeah
I play it like often. Like I'll squad-up
like every night.
- I've got three concurrent viewers
every time I Source Stream Roblox.
I stream Minecraft. I stream Fortnite.
- I gotta be honest. That's pretty impressive.
You know what? How'd you like a job?
- I don't know how to tell this to you, Mr. Augustus,
but technically I'm your boss.
I own over a thousand shares of GameStop,
which comes out to over $2.4 million.
- (Coughs)
- You see Metroid Prime is not technically canon.
Hold on. I've got the ice missiles.
Dang it. God, dang it! (beep)
It's not a big deal. This is my third play through.
And it came out only a couple of days ago.
- There's my portfolio.
- Okay.
As you can see at the current price of $169.14
you times it by a thousand, but then technically
I've got options and puts put on it.
- Uh-huh.
- $2.4 million.
- Yeah, put. I was going to say,
you should definitely put options and puts on there.
- I love the power glove. It's so bad.
(whispers) Yes, freaking... Oh, my God.
Whoa.
(Loudly exhales)
Cyber warrior.
- Favorite Elder Scrolls game.
- Oh, Morrowind.
- Really? A solid answer.
- Yeah.
- But have you really played it?
- Yeah.
- So you get to choose whether you want to be a Bosmer,
- Uh-huh.
- That's a wood elf.
- I know.
- The choice is yours. PlayStation or Nintendo? Red or blue?
Make your choice.
X-Box?
What's wrong with you?
- What was the name of the artist who designed
all the Chrono Trigger characters?
- You're just seeking answers from me
because you don't even know.
- It's Akira Toriyama.
They made Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z,
and I also would've accepted Doctor Slump.
- Doctor Slump.
- He's the main character, Doctor Slump.
- Doctor Slump.
- Her name is Ariel.
- I don't waste my time with this bull(beep)!
- Listen!
- (yelling) I'm too busy playing Planescape: Torment!
- (yelling) Planescape: Torment?
I've been looking for someone to play!
What are you doing this weekend?
- Do you think I can work the cash register?
- Let's do it.
- (yelling) Hey, idiot! We don't have anymore PlayStations.
- There you go. Yeah, you just keep doing that.
- Argonians get the Histskin property,
which means that you are actually able
to breathe...
- Under water.
- While you're swimming.
- Ah, (bleep)!
Hey! Ah! Crap!
- Fallout One?
- Beat it. Fallout Two?
- Of course I beat it. Q-Bert.
- Beat it. Bravely Default.
- (sighs) Obviously beat it.
Nintendogs.
- Never heard of it. Don't want to.
- Never even heard of Nintendogs?
- What the hell are you staying right now?
- You literally have a bunch of them in the store.
They're everywhere.
- You ever heard of What?
- (Distant voice)
- Sales bin?
Oh no, this? This is the trash.
Yeah, you can't undo a few decades
of company misconduct with a couple
of fine games.
There are other games. Gonna burn this later
if you want to come by.
Bye-bye.
- So see your dog here and then you feed it.
- Oh, nuh-uh!
- Uh-huh. And you can kind of touch the screen.
- That's so sick.
(gasps) It responds to your touch?
- Uh-huh, it responds to your touch.
- Oh, that must feel so warm.
- It's 3:15. I think my mom's going to,
like pick me up soon.
Oh, yeah. My mom's about
to pick me up too.
- Psychic Battle.
- Ninja Two on or off?
- Off.
(beep)
(grunts)
Oh my God. It smells in your head.
- Why are you thinking about doing pushups?
Do you ever actually do pushups?
- If you think about it,
it works. That's how Olympians do their training.
That's not even close.
- That's how they do it.
I know.
- I actually follow Michael Phelps routine
of getting 13,000 calories a day.
Full stop. Nothing else.
(Distant voice)
(yells) In a minute!
- Shut the (beep) up!
- In a minute! We're busy!
- (Both men grunt)
- Just go online! GameStop is online!
Why do you go to a physical location?
(grunting)
- Well played.
- Augustus, your mind is one sticky,
gross,
awful hellscape.
- Please call me, The Chosen.
- I will not.
- Okay.
- (music)